Outside Writing MomentumArthurOww @ Friday, May 23rd 06:29PM [link] |
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| DISCLAIMER: This News has been delayed, unfortunately. It was supposed to release early in May, meaning it will only cover up until April 30th, and the next update will cover May onwards. Thank you! HELLO KARTERS AND KARTESSES!!! Man, it feels weird to say that again in the big 2025. I’m finally getting some motivation back to write a News, and I couldn’t be happier. So, now that we’re here again, let’s take some time together. What has happened over the past months? Well, this News sees our game celebrate its 17th anniversary! Time sure flies… People come and go, new strats are found, the meta changes on a few tracks, yet it’s still the same old game we were already playing back in the late 2000s. Here’s to many more years! Speaking of years... Our PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2024 award needs your participation! Just like all the previous years, it's a community vote meant to point out the best Karter of the year. We should've held this vote in January, but let's not focus on the details, hahaha...... Anyway, the Nominations are up and last until the end of the month on the public Time Trial server, so go and vote here! The rules are in #Event-Announcements and you can submit your picks in #Event-Submissions. Nintendo properly announced the Switch 2 (boring ass name, they almost named it Super Switch like the SNES and it would’ve been so much better) and alongside it we got to see the new Mario Kart World, both coming June 5th, and the game features Loga- uh I mean the Moo Moo Meadows COW as a PLAYABLE CHARACTER. As much as I’m excited for this, I won’t go into details cause this is an MKW News Update… And by MKW, I mean OUR game, not the new one that has the same initials, god this is going to be difficult… Oh and Americans are crying cause prices are going up instead of down like the big orange guy promised, but don’t worry guys, that’s how tariffs work! Thankfully the aforementioned Switch 2 didn’t get a price increase… although every single one of its accessories got one lmao. Okay so at first I initially wrote “The Pope almost died but he didn’t, cool I guess?” and then HE ACTUALLY DIED THE DAY AFTER WHAT THE FUCK??? …Out of all the parts of the News I wouldn’t have guessed I’d have to correct this one… …Anyway… Some MKW related News now, the brand new Player’s Page is still in development, we want to make sure the site is as polished as can be when it’s released. It’s coming this year, hopefully as soon as possible. Thanks a lot for waiting. If you want to participate in the project, whether it’d be for translation work, or coding, please contact us on Discord! So, on the Time Trial side we saw 17 new 3lap WRs on 7 different tracks and 22 Flap WRs on 13 different categories. That’s a LOT of things to cover oh god what did I sign up for again 3laps first. Directly following the release of Arvo’s News, Zoren continued his streak on Sherbet Land glitch with a 53.1, almost a 1 second cut, then a few days later he got a 52.8… And on March 24th the guy got a 52.691. You think that’s cool? You’d be wrong.. Because this didn’t land back on the track all 3 laps. So what did Zoren do? Well, on the same day, he landed 3/3, giving us an insane 6.5 second cut and finishing a 46.135. Now, even though this is huge, I won’t say the category’s dead, simply because we’ve said that like 100 times and every single time that ended up not being true. I mean this is MKW, what did you expect. But but but, this is still an insane feat to accomplish, so congrats man! Still in early March, on the 9th Barney beat the 2.5 year old record held by Sosis on GV2 with a 52.729. However, at the end of the month, we heard from Sosis. Benjilada20402’s goat beat Barney back with a 726, before pushing the record twice on April fools day, ending it with the first 52.6, a 52.682. I’m sure he did it to make his fans happy… During the News cycle there were a few standalone improvements on various tracks: Ray improved his WGM glitch from 31.661 to 31.617, Beanzard got a 53.033 on RR glitch with a 3/3 beating Owen Smith and giving Waluigi his first ever 3lap WR in the process, Braixen becomes the first player to set a WR in 10 consecutive years (2016-2025) with a 23.991 on CM glitch, and Emil improves on BC shortcut with a 2:08.537. By the way, Braixen’s run was also done on April fools day just like Sosis’ last 2 WRs on GV2. That means we got 3 WRs on April fools, and I checked… It’s the most in the game’s history. And it’s not an April fools joke, we’re in May now! It has technically been unveiled to us in May, but I still wanted to include it: in the last few days of April, one player saw his whole COUNTRY be subject to a blackout. There was no electricity for an entire day, and even more. Even though he set his new WR right before the blackout, he couldn’t upload it to CTGP… And did so a few days later, in May. The run itself was still driven on the 28th of April, though. It’s a last-minute addition to the update, it’s a 3lap, and it’s, you probably guessed it, Poyo’s 31.615 on WGM Glitch! His first run getting the newly implemented pole bounce 2/2. He will surely (did already) improve it, since the strategy is still new. Stay tuned next News Update to know how much he’ll lower the record! And now, the big one: the continuation of the MG ODB madness. Rivalries, underdog stories, broken barriers, drama and controversy, we got it all on MG. After his short-lived success on rBC, Tiles sat down and began playing MG with outside drift… And the result was 3 WRs from mid March to mid April, first beating Flambambam on March 18th then subbing 1:37 with a 1:36.997 on April 15th. However, Flam didn’t hold back, and pushed through days later with a .278… And guess what? Tiles answered. He delivered. A huge 1:35.539 set on April 18th, a day after Flam’s 1:36.278, stands as the record right now. Tiles cut more with this last WR than with his 3 first ones combined. The stage is now set, and the battle is on against the American and the Irish… A fierce tension has also risen on the public TT discord, with a #fuckflam vs #fucktiles battle emerging on some of our members’ server names. Who will come out on top? Will another driver snatch the top spot? Mitch has been putting on some work on the track, Shane is 3rd worldwide with a 1:37.1 as I’m writing this, and many other players are on the track… I feel like this story is just getting started. However… An issue, or rather a doubt, has risen among certain players in the community. Are the strats used by outside drifting bikes on the track really worthy of the No-Glitch appellation? Using a trick known as ODM (Outside Drift Momentum), the Shooting Star is able to go at high speeds on the mushrooms. Faster than it should be? Faster than intended? Could it be considered a glitch? I’ve had a conversation about this before, and have my own opinion, but I’ll let y’all form yours. Is ODM a glitch? Should it be its own “shortcut” category? Time will tell if that ever happens... But for now, the flames of competition burn on the big mushrooms, ignited by the wheels of the drifting Shooting Stars. Now, for Flap… Mitch improved his MC Glitch from February, getting an 8.6xx for the first time with a .677. 2 days later, he beat Logan’s 3 year old WGM glitch time of 8.897 with a time of 8.812. I just realized that phrase sounded a LOT like the auto generated WR recap we have at the bottom at every update… I swear I’m not an AI y’all I’m just uninspired! I don’t know what’s worse but anyway! Shane got 2 quick WRs on MG… Shortcut? And he cut… ALMOST 2 SECONDS?? …Oh, he just used ODB AND the wallride at the same time. No wonder… On MG again though, this time for No-Glitch, of course we got more ODB. KoolKade gets his maiden Flap WR with a 30.444 on March 11th. This success didn’t last very long though, as Tiles claimed the record 4 days later. It traded hands, with Shane and Flam taking it, before Tiles came back on April 19th with a sub 30: 29.942. I told you MG was crazy this month! Another short-lived but cool rivalry we got was between Logan and Sosis on rGV2 No-Glitch. Logan got the record from Sosis on March 12th, beating his May 2021, 1410 day old WR, then Sosis took the record back on the same day, then Logan took the record back STILL on the SAME DAY, then Sosis beat him back the next day (because sleep is important guys) then came through with a final time of 16.364 on March 17th. I told you this was short-lived. Logan didn’t fall into depression after his defeat on the ghost track though: he improved on 3 other tracks. Classic Logan. He got Raceway from… Sosis again, and again it was an old WR from 2021, 1310 days old this time. He beat it, mind you, using Daisy Mach with a 31.317, being the first to get a record with it on the track. He then got rDS flap from Bickbork cutting .005 off with a 38.702, and finally beat Firestone on rDH Non-SC with a 29.071. All 3 Flaps were on categories he hadn’t held before, so props to him, the guy’s not World #1 for nothing… On March 26th, Chaos (who’s written as “chs” on the Flap WR sheet, that confused me so much I had no idea who it was) got the better of Falco and claimed Waluigi Stadium No-Glitch with a 34.958. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Australian were actively trying to get it back though… I’m starting to see the end of the list THANK GO-ahem… This one’s a good one! KingAlex picked up the game again in late March and improved his rPG Non-SC Flap with a… 38.081. Beating his Shortcut run in the process. Probably realizing his mistake, he improved again, this time with the shortcut, to get a .013 on April 8th. Surely the sub’s in the way, right? And finally, the big one… A bunch of you may have realized some have started to mark LC as Non-SC in their submissions… But the track doesn’t have an RTA-viable ultra or anything, so what gives? Well… On April 9th, Ejay B thought it’d be fun if he made a TAS only maneuver in an RTA run and superslided on the first track in the game to get a 21.212. Since this is a glitch, it doesn’t count in Non-SC runs, thus becoming the first “LC Glitch Flap” WR. At first everyone thought it was a late April fools joke, but the Australian isn’t joking at all… Right, Ejay? We’re still waiting for the ghost and / or the video! And that’s the last WR we’ll have to cover this month. That wasn’t so bad to write… But now I have to look through 134 PLAYER TIMESHEETS and write a little something for ALL of them… And the numbers the stupid stats page shows me are probably wrong given it doesn’t know what “No-SC” is… This is gonna take a while… Oh but wait, before I forget: COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: This time, Ireland takes it home, thanks to Tiles literally setting 4 3lap WRs this News cycle. To put things in perspective, prior to Tiles, Ireland had gotten 6 WRs in the game’s entire history… Yeah. Shane did a few things on MG too, even if he “only” got WR on the Flap for a short time, so that makes it even more deserved for the Irish. TRACK OF THE MONTH: This goes without saying… Mushroom Gorge takes it again. Now alongside the massive improvements, we’ve got a rivalry between Flambambam and Tiles. Incredible. QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “you canty juystr say perchabnrce” - Tiles, April 3rd, 2025 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “ ‘Flame Runner’? Really? That has to be the lamest name of all time.” - Honko, April 28th, 2008 and literally MG rn This News Update covers from March 4th, 2025 to April 30th, 2025. Say hello to the 12 new players we count for this month: Matthew Babiak (Normal names are becoming rarer and rarer nowadays, welcome) Danyy (Danny Boy got an update?) Rubiksmath (Nerdiness 100) Cami Antani (Joined, submitted a 1:17 on rPB, left) Tiles (New Ireland goat) Etano (Spanish sounding name, is actually Canadian. Talk about catfish) ManFace420 (Xbox 360 ahh username) Reis_w1 (Nice_one) Antares (Spanish sounding name, is actually English, catfished again?!) Hnery (bro just swapped two letters in his surname and called it a day) Joshla (these names are getting more and more bland by the minute) WALUIGI IS LORD (OKAY NOW THAT’S A USERNAME YOU’RE GOATED) Never showered ever (1-10) #1 (#1) Logan Stkrdknmibalz still manages to break new ground, getting WRs on categories he’s never done so before, as mentioned previously. But he also reaches unexplored territory in his AF, which goes down to 5.3 and only 3.5 in Non-SC, thanks notably to a 1:17.961/23.861 on rMC3, double 2nd place on the site, or a 1:41.251 on rMR using, like his flap WR, Daisy on Mach, or literally a dozen flaps that are all like top 5 PP at worst. Unbelievable. #3 (#4) Mitchell Healy beat Arvo on both AF rankings. Today we mourn the loss of a true hero, a source of inspiration for generations that followed him… But hey, at least the new guy on the podium is cool as well. Mitch cut around 3 AF, but there’s still 4 more to cut to even think about sniping 2nd place from Justin… Can the Australian do it? #5 (#13) Vincent Braixen got one single time this update and we’ve already talked about it since it’s his CM Glitch… And I’ve already written the exact same thing about Braixen in my last News over a year ago. Time passes, but people never change. #10 (#27) Danny Boy last time I wrote the News this boy was just entering the top 30, and now he’s just entering the top 10… He’s officially a Danny Man now… Except in No-Glitch, where he’s still trailing a bit behind. I’m sure that issue’s going to be solved sooner than later though… Even in the past 2 months, Danny’s been practicing on a few No-Glitch tracks and getting a 53.1 on GV2 or a 1:35.7 on rDH to name a few. He also got a bunch of flaps including a nice 21.7 on LC… Non-SC. This one’s gonna be hard to get used to… Waterphobics (11-25) #11 (#7) Bynt. got kicked out of the top 10, but he still plays, so maybe he’ll get that placement back at some point. Everyone’s favorite translator improved on Raceway with a 1:41.677, placing 14th on the PP and barely not getting USA tops. Apparently though it wasn’t enough of an improvement to cut AF… Better luck next time. #12 (#48) Exploder is another case of “hello I’m improving fast at high level” because this guy wasn’t even top 35 last time I did a News, and now he’s 12th??? I sure missed a lot while being inactive… Anyway, the Norwegian got 11 PRs during March and April, almost exclusively on Glitch categories. #14 (#23) Cqrt3r has continued his insane ascension to the top flight of MKW Time Trials with most notably a 53.1 on GV2 and a 2:31.8 on rBC. He literally played the shortest and longest track in the game back to back and I love it. Fun fact, I NEVER talked about Cqrt3r in a News before, and trust me, I checked. I don’t know if it underlines the speed at which he climbed up the ranks or rather my lazy and tired ass not wanting to write a News for that long but anyway… #18 (#25) Jyran Liebs was pretty terrific on rSGB, using Magikruiser. After getting Magi Tops a few years ago with a high 1:22.4, and getting kicked out of it, he got it back, in style. Run after run, he improved, beat the Magi WR of .336, then lowered his PB to an insane 1:22.245. Alongside that, the labies man notably got a 2:31 on rBC and a 2:26.5 on RR. Props. #21 (#9) Kevin Miller got a few good looking PRs that got him up a spot on the leaderboard. 1:49.6 on TF, 1:15 on MMM, 1:41.8 on rMR among others, but obviously the rWS No-Glitch Flap is the most prestigious, as it’s WR. Great month, not gonna lie. #23 (#45) Nara Hiero just finished setting up a big feature of the upcoming PP as I'm writing this, HUGE STUFF MATE I LOVE Y- ahem… got a little carried away there… Anyway, the lad set a few glitch times being a 51 MC, 1:06 rPB and 1:21 DKJP, alongside a nice 2:05.3 on rDS. Great stuff on both the racetrack and the backend. #24 (#22) Indy Kambeitz worked on rMR, rDS and then LC, getting some pretty solid times on all 3 with a 1:42.1, a 2:05.4 and a 1:09.5 respectively. He only cut 1.4 AF with all that, but he still passed both Enzo and Doom, getting into top 25 this Update. Not a bad month at all. Shampoo? What’s that? (26-50) #29 (#10) Sosis we already talked about previously with his WR improvements on rGV2, but we didn’t mention that he got a monster time of 1:08.794 on LC, that’s 3rd worldwide. You guys heard from him today. #32 (#35) Phyz Phyz played rMR and rBC, getting good times there with a 1:42.0 and a 2:31.7. Enough to bring him up by 3 placements! #39 (#83) Jacob Loerzel played a bit for AF, but most importantly, came back home on DKJP to try and reclaim his throne. The Proud Minnesotan got a 40.030, still a bit far from Core’s time, but it’s a glitch category so he can totally go straight to a 37 if the stars align. Good luck man! #41 (#131) Intel Core maybe it’s time for you to change that PP name cause Intel have changed their processor names… Anyway, Invi’s target on DKJP played BC shortcut and got a 2:12, but what sticks out more to me is that juicy 1:31 on rMC, good job on that one. Oh and you can FINALLY stop asking for POTY yeah I know we’re in May but the mod team is a bunch of old heads (me included) that can’t decide on anything, hopefully POTY 2025 isn’t delayed by THIS much. Showers are expensive, y’know… (51-100) #56 (#66) Ultra_Pear played a bunch and cut 5 placements, nice one man let’s see what you cooked… Mmh a 2:05.4 on rDS not bad not bad and on top of that a 58 on MC Glitch that’s almost top 50! Hopefully you can reach it on the AF charts too… #58 (#108) Nate Schultz updated 3 of his times in April to stay afloat, gaining a tiny bit of AF but staying at #58, while notably getting a 1:49.7 on DDR. I wish I had that… #68 (#81) Dwt89_ gets a SHIT LOAD of PRs that makes him cut 33 AF and gets him way up in the charts, from #91 to this. And for ONCE with these rising newcomers he’s NOT carried by glitches and actually has a decent Non-SC timesheet THANK YOU ahem anyway he notably got a 34.4 on DKS Flap that’s 10th European, a 1:29 on DC and a 1:41.4 on MG Non-SC. Next step is top 50, see you next update! #75 (#28) Hedwig PR dumped a bunch and cut 50+ AF. At least he’s where he belongs on the charts, aka pretty damn high especially in Non-SC. I mean, with a 5th WW time on Parkway Non-SC Flap, a 2:12.2 on the 3lap, a 1:30.8 on rMC, and a bunch of other good / glitch times, it’s obvious that you’re way better than the people you passed on the charts… Yes I was in there, no I’m not mad, rather I’m bad. GGs. #76 (#96) Owen Smith played rMC and rPG to get some good times and not gain too much AF, staying in the top 100 in Non-SC with a 1:32.0 and a 2:00.8 on those respectively. Not the greatest month, but man’s probably been busy with his life, and that’s completely normal because not everyone has to be a chronically online degenerate! #80 (#12) Filler got incredible times, but they’re too little of an improvement to cut any AF sadly. Still, I wouldn’t be sad about getting a 1:49.0 on rWS Non-SC and a 1:34.370, 2nd Worldwide, on rDH Non-SC… #81 (#111) Daelyn got 14 PRs, cut 11 AF… But only went up 4 placements okay right makes COMPLETE sense I love the AF charts… Well, most of this is simply getting better times on weak categories, but I do notice a cool 1:52.7 / 36.0 on rWS Non-SC which she’s probably also proud of since it’s the only Non-SC track where both the Flap and 3lap are recorded. Nice stuff huh #85 (#63) ArthurOww I wanna beat Zoan in Non-SC there’s 20 AF to go but I play once a month there bye #87 (#163) Starboi played a few tracks, most notably MT where he got a 2:19 and TF where he made the Shortcut and got a Top 50 ranked flap. Nice stuff, enough to cut some AF, but sadly the competition is fierce so the Australian lost 2 placements. Better luck next time… #88 (#44) Acquiesce improved his Flaps this update, including his rDH with a 29.236, very very solid. I don’t think you want me to talk about that BC Shortcut though… #93 (#37) Marvin submitted flaps and cut 43 AF with them. At this point saying “that’s why you should play flaps” to the newbies sounds the same as “eat your vegetables”... Anyway, other than that, he played MC for the 1:21, DC for the 1:29, KC for the 2:18 and GV for the 1:51. Pretty busy month that brought much success, congrats! #98 (#103) Cederic Doesn’t play much, so it’s a matter of time before he falls out of the top 100… At least in Combined because it’s already Joever in Non-SC… I do note some pretty nice improvements on GV and a cool rework on rSGB that he hasn’t finished yet. Va chercher le 1:21 champion! At least I use deodorant! (101-200) #108 (#106) Daniel W PR dumped to jump from barely not top 200 to barely not top 100. That’s great and all… But how am I supposed to talk about something when there’s 58 PRs TO LOOK AT! At least I’ll get something next month… #115 (#90) Supreme worked on DKM mostly, and got himself a 2:07 with a 41.6 flap. Brings him up 5 placements, maybe a push for Top 100 incoming? #117 (#127) James Collins barely played, only setting a 2:04 on BC3 Shortcut and a great 38.6 on rPG Flap. Thank you for saving me some time, I kinda need it or I won’t finish this thing ever… #118 (#79) Pabloski is another karter who sets one good time and calls it a day! It’s a 53.3 on rGV2 Non-SC this time. I need to get on this thing myself and actually learn the shroom… #125 (#58) Kitty improved a bunch, cut 9 placements and 5 AF. Their highlight is a 1:44.1 on the greatest track ever, obviously Moonview Highway!! ……Yeah I know the joke gets old. Actual best time is a 2:07.2 on DKM Non-SC, and I do NOT know how people can be good at this track, it eludes me. #127 (#71) Alex Croteau improved HALF of his timesheet. This man’s literally giving his AF a glow up. Most of the improvement comes on Non-SC, as he’s only 2 PRs away from a full Legend timesheet! Go get it, DKS and RR aren’t that bad when you learn them, speaking from experience! #133 (#31) Fraterz got the sub on… rDS flap of all categories, with a 38.950, 18th on the site. He got that in early March, then… Vanished. I guess he was satisfied… #144 (#68) Noah Dalentoft is making me fear for my AF on the red charts. I guess some competition doesn’t hurt? He played a LOT of tracks in March-April, but since only one has got a video, then I guess the time he’s most proud of is his 1:49.991 on DDR. And I can see why he’s proud… I’ve been wanting that time for 3 years! #156 (#143) Prolix is another karter who’s played a lot, cutting 22 AF! I’m sure there’s room for more, because there are quite a few tracks where he ranks very low for his level… Like, on one side there’s a 1:44.5 / 33.2 on Moonview, but then there’s a 1:24 on rSGB?? As written on the site, a single weak score can negatively affect you in a big way! #162 (#157) Rheece Wachow worked on his retros, getting times on rDH, rMC, rPG, rDKM and rBC. For 6 AF and 8 placements cut, the stand out here is a good sub on rPG Flap, 38.995, snatching a Legend st andard and… Making it a 3-way time between him, Cederic, and an old french player. Peculiar time, don’t you think? #164 (#159) Teonovi59 cut 10 placements, finishing a streak of 8 PRs with a 1:44.7 on Moonview. I think that improvement made him get #159 on red charts, pretty fitting with his nickname… #59 when? #166 (#138) Dylan Lepeirtz got one time in April, a good 2:20.6 on KC. He improved a lot in May, but I’m not covering that as I said earlier, sorry…! #167 (#154) Silicosis got 10 PRs, including a 1:53.420 on DKS that’s the highlight. Insert 420 joke here. #174 (#142) ElecTrick worked on a bunch of tracks and has maybe found a new favorite?? Because the rDH sticks out a lot. A 1:36.1 / 29.7 (41st!!) on this timesheet? I’m ALL for it. Go get the 1:35, if you think you got what it takes! ………You obviously have what it takes because what it takes is just one more lucky cut so go get it! #178 (#118) Entropy climbs the ranks like crazy, cutting 41 AF and going from #217 to this. CM No-Glitch CLEARLY stands out, what do you mean there’s a 1:57.0 on such a timesheet???? I’m sure you can get the Flap way up there… #180 (N/A) Thomas Ullrich submitted…… His 2:21.0 on rBC glitch. Nice 10th WW time Mr. Ice! Are you sure you didn’t melt, drowning in lava during the glitch?? #183 (#125) James Muraski got a few respectable times like a mid 2:05 on Sherbey or a 1:09.6 on LC, but obviously, the time to talk about is the MG Non-SC. I mean, it was WW tops when set, not many people can brag about getting a 3lap WW top… #186 (N/A) Falco got like 3 times this update, including one nice 33.5 on DDR Flap. I’m THIS close to just taking the best lap of your 3lap on RR and DKJP No-Glitch and filling your red chart timesheet myself… Come on man it’s TWO FLAPS! #191 (#82) Mystic is a one-time wonder this update. A 2:13.9 on DKJP No-Glitch is a great time for their timesheet, it’s Legend D, Top 100 and all, but it’s obviously not enough to cut AF… Good Hygiene (201-300) #203 (#160) Ben Brophy βτ’s favorite bagger got a few times, but of course, I’m gonna talk about MT No-Glitch. 2:17.6?? Simply amazing. The flap is great too, but I’m sure you can improve it! The fact that I beat you there while not knowing shit about the track just shows how much you can crush your PR… #209 (#263) 117James timesheets. Bets are now opened as for when he's gonna be #117. #210 (#102) Kenneth Bernales gets a good 2:06.3 on rDS, but that doesn’t help him much to not gain AF sadly. Good time nonetheless! #225 (#164) Joe Beaton took a break from DDR to play MC for a 1:22 but mostly KC where Ace got a 2:17.580, 4th Worldwide. I will never understand how some great players like you play so few tracks… but I guess it’s a choice that we have to respect. #231 (N/A) Sam Fairless improved his top glitches, setting prestigious times on DKJP 3lap, both RR categories, and MG Flap. Enough to barely cut AF for this update. #236 (N/A) Beanzard64 timesheets! It would be great to make a video out of this, don’t you think? ……No I totally don’t say that to make your viewers join…! #253 (#222) Skylar Waffle played a bunch of categories, but the big one is more than obvious… Skylar gets his first ever American top on MG No-Glitch, his most recent PR on the category being a 1:40.293. With all the failed paces, I assume a 1:39 / WW tops is in the works, right? #261 (#178) Tristan Kelley submits small batches of PRs in late March and mid April to 5 AF and 6 placements. I’m catching a nice 1:51.1, Legend D on DKS, and a cool 1:51.0 on TF Non-SC, go for the sub! #262 (#170) Luca R only submits one time, being an improvement on his Ace KC. 2:18.8 gets you close to European tops, I hope you get them! #273 (#205) Charlie Brennan gets the 2:28 on RR, granting him what’s probably his 2nd ever 3lap Top 100, so congrats on the feat! #291 (#267) Emil Lönquist breaks into top 300 with a bunch of PRs, mostly glitches, that makes him cut 25 AF and almost 30 spots on the blue chart! The 1:34 on Parkway seems especially good and must’ve contributed a lot to the AF cut… #295 (#180) Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson gets a 1:16.4 / 24.2 on MMM as his only times this update. The 3lap is his first Top 100 time, congrats! Somewhat normal people (300+) And now comes the hard part of the update… Thankfully I’ve been writing with this banger on repeat so we might be struggling, but at least we got the vibes #302 (#249) .Vnix played flaps to strengthen his timesheet, and is now knocking at the door to Top 300! Outside drift just gets you there. 14 AF with 13 PRs also means he cut 69 placements per category on average, nice. #307 (#176) Liam David gets twice as many PRs as Vnix, and cuts (almost) twice as much AF. The rDH is pretty good for the timesheet, you don’t see a mid 1:36 at this level very often… #317 (#196) Jack White manages to do even better than the last 2 karters combined…? 41 PRs and a whopping EIGHTY�"SIX AF cut. I can confirm he played a lot! Also, congrats on getting Top 200 in Non-SC! #327 (#252) Brick gets 9 PRs and cuts 11 placements, with a cool 1:09 on LC! I hope you enjoy having a 69 second time! #335 (#214) Pablo Hernangòmez Also gets the sub on LC with a… Wait hold on what’s a 1:09.542 doing so LOW on the charts??? That PR is almost better than mine and LC’s one of my best tracks… The 21.791 Flap that comes with it is cracked as well, just what did you have for lunch to set such a banger!? #338 (N/A) Ejay B marks LC as SC, short for “Super Çliding”. As I said in the WR recap, we’re still waiting for the vid… It’s late May and you STILL haven’t shown even a glimpse of the run! #342 (#229) Fawwe improves a lot, and goes from below Top 400 to this… And I’m sure there’s a lot more in the tank. Maybe we’ll see a Top 300 in the next News? #345 (#246) Weekeat timesheets…? I swear I feel like you’ve been around for YEARS, I thought you were already on here… Oh well. Have a good time here! #349 (#251) JMPin timesheets. Happy Karting! #384 (#257) Dudu. improves a bunch of times, including a good mid 1:51 on DKS, to cut 13 placements, Go Brazil! Raphinha Ballon d’Or! ……I hope you follow football because this is going to be more confusing than anything otherwise… #387 (#279) Neo | DvD updates his entire 3lap timesheet, and the effect is immediate, as he cuts 120 AF and jumps straight from a low Top 500 to this… Good, now update the flaps and cut double the AF! ……What do you mean you haven’t played flaps in 5 years? #397 (#278) Sergio is a victim of the “bottom table incidents”, as he gets 9 PRs, even cuts AF… But goes from #394 to #397. This chart is unforgiving… #402 (#308) ChromaQ falls out of Top 400 sadly… But at least you got a great 47 on WGM Glitch, right? #409 (N/A) Kippito finishes their timesheet. Welcome to the site! #410 (#265) Skye Ball hey that’s a name I haven’t seen before! I like the change a lot. Congrats on cutting 12 placements, surely you can aim for a Top 400 finish for the next News Update! #434 (#283) Princessje11lybean got a single time on WGM flap the DAY AFTER Arvo’s last News. Zero sign of life since. Talk about getting in the News for nothing… #472 (#303) Cade Johnson cuts 28 AF with 22 PRs, that’s the energy you need to survive in the lower end of the charts! Keep it up and aim for new heights! #478 (#302) Deven Ramchandran completes his timesheet. Welcome abroad! #499 (#325) Jorim Laanstra improves literally ALL of his timesheet but two times, and barely snatches a Top 500 spot. Clutch. #505 (#328) YT_Valentin goes back to #505... Where have I heard this before… Anyway, two times aren’t enough to keep your place in the Top 500, sadly. #517 (#301) Leo Perna gets 10 PRs and cuts… EXACTLY 10.0000 AF. That has to be the most perfect cut ever… #533 (#333) NE MKPatsfan only gets 2 times, just like Valentin, it’s not enough to sustain your ranking… Surely next Update! #538 (#336) Charlotte Crego Manages to stay a little bit more afloat with 3 PRs but still loses 2 spots on the charts. Unfortunate. #545 (#346) Gianni Barletta makes the effort. I mean, 50 PRs… I feel like on the lower end of the leaderboard, it’s either you get 2 PRs or you improve half your timesheet, it’s very funny. Anyway, 130 AF cut, up from #626... I guess “Great month” would be an understatement. #563 (#345) Satkins gets 34 PRs and cuts 32 AF, pretty consistent #564 (#343) Charles Schrader improves 45 times and gets his AF lowered by 71 points, a solid month! #603 (#348) Diana M falls out of the Top 600 by only setting one PR. Not everyone can improve half their timesheet in a month… #615 (#362) Nathan Hayter timesheets. Welcome to the site! I’m sure your future progress will be enjoyed by everyone… you’ll get no “Hayters”! ……Yeah i know it wasn’t funny it’s midnight okay I'm tired #619 (#358) Mattinatorr gets only 2 improvements to his timesheet and falls back 8 placements. Sad. #622 (#342) Trenton Steinburg cuts 14 AF just to pass 2 people. Almost 4 years of being an updater and I still don’t understand how this happens… #625 (#363) LEMONADE played a lot, setting 27 PRs and cutting 22 AF. I wonder if they’ll find their best form in the summer though, you know… Like fresh lemonade selling more when it’s hot outside? #649 (#360) -ARK- timesheets. Happy karting! #652 (N/A) SebTheNoob314 also timesheets. I hope you reach #314 one day. #686 (#374) John McArdle improves his ENTIRE timesheet. 64/64 times. Now that’s dedication. Obviously, he makes a jump in the rankings and cuts loads of AF. Well played! #731 (#391) Matthew Babiak gets on the charts for the first time! Welcome to the competition! #773 (#452) Herold has moved on from Mario Kart Wii. This man has a LIFE now, like, he’s achieved more in a couple of weeks than 98% of the community. I’ll leave you to read his paragraphs in the public TT server by searching for his name there, it’s quite a ride. #819 (N/A) ScarletPanther19 finishes their timesheet. The karters above you are surely quite afraid, as they now become your prey… am I right? Anyway, have a great time here! #829 (#467) Aaron Jablonski finishes both his timesheet and this update! Welcome to the site! AND THAT’S A WRAP! This one got delayed because I couldn’t use my PC for like, 3 weeks… And writing the News on a phone is a nightmare. I’m sorry for not covering May this update, but I had already written a bunch of it in late April, and including May would not only mean writing about the new WRs and the various improvements of the month, but also correcting MANUALLY. Every. Single. Placement. In the update. Yeah I ain’t doing that. Hopefully the lovely developers of the new PP cook some tool for us to use that does the dirty job for us… Until then, I hope you enjoy yourself, get loads of great PRs, and most of all… Happy Karting! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Ejay B beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"590 with a time of: 0'21"212 Mitchell Healy beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"728 with a time of: 0'08"677 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 0'24"122 with a time of: 0'23"991 Mitchell Healy beat the old Wario's Gold Mine lap time of 0'08"897 with a time of: 0'08"812 Emil P beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'08”608 with a time of: 2'08"537 Beanzard64 beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 0'57"688 with a time of: 0'53"033 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Mario Raceway lap time of 0'31"330 with a time of: 0'31"317 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old DS Delfino Square lap time of 0'38"707 with a time of: 0'38"702 Alex Shoal beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"093 with a time of: 0'38"013 117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'16"222 with a time of: 2'15"291 117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'28"487 with a time of: 0'28"373 About the Player Awards, you have almost certainly noticed we stopped doing them a while ago. It was hard to pick good winners at some point, and with the News taking more and more time to make, we figured it would impact us more negatively than anything. We do not plan to bring them back... Yet. POTY obviously stays, but not the others. When the new site is fully up and running, they will probably come back, and we might even ask for your help to fill out every award that will be missing, granted that will be a huge, daunting task. We don't know how it will play out yet. I apologize for this inconvenience on behalf of the staff team, Karters! MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur’Oww, who (finally) stopped relying on Arvo to do all the work |
The Good, the Bad and the Even WorseArvo @ Monday, March 3rd 10:46PM [link] |
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| Captain's log, 3rd of March. God, my head hurts. I just barely escaped the communications pod before the alarm went off. Fuck knows if those things are still out there. I may not have that much time left, I better get this over with before I find out. After that I'm going back in for the long nap. If anyone reads this, I must be somewhere around Jupiter by now. For the love of God don't attempt to find me, live the rest of your life the best you can and forget about this message. I'm not worth it. News update time. Sorry it's been so long, as the previous paragraph should tell, things have been happening and I haven't had time for this. But we can't go 6 months without a news update now can we! So what did I miss... Let's see here Well first of all this might be the last update on this here ancient looking site, because a new PP is looking quite close to being ready! Rejoice, for our new overlords will be Canadian and Italian! yeah I know I'm also extremely depressed about it Other than that ummmmmm. Trump won I guess... Things are quite crazy in the world. Although Blake actually holding the DKS WR might just tip me over the edge, this world has gotten too crazy for me. Oh yeah and MG ng is suddenly shooting star and the WR is 1:37 and there are splits for like a 1:34 mm yeah I'm not sure if I recognize this world anymore, I've been asleep for too long Core finally pulled off the rDH flap glitch, making shooting star even more relevant. I think he will have that WR forever, since loser James can't make the glitch!!!! Oh wait, why do I hear bad piggies music OK MC glitch has a new faster tree to clip, this is the world I know. The three certainties in life are death, taxes and there always being a faster glitch strat on MC Connor got 1:47 on rWS, I never thought I would see the day. TF and BCWii have not got their subs yet, but one modern masterpiece of a WR has been achieved. Great job Connor, I salute you. OWEN SMITH GOT 3/3 RR, I REPEAT, OWEN SMITH GOT 3/3 RR, THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ITS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG BABY rBC glitch has been having a rivalry the like of which I never thought there would be again, I thought these days were over. James, Maniac and new challenger Tiles have been battling it out for months now. (tfw Maniac tries to be the underdog and even more of an underdog pops up out of nowhere) However other than rBC there have been very few WRs this year. Just recently Ray got WGM glitch back and Zoren microimproved on rSL glitch, but other than that this game is a ghost town, baby. The last no glitch WR was before Christmas, and that was stupid ass MG so that doesn't even count. Even Ace Beaton is playing glitches now. What has happened to us?? oh yeah and luke and logan set a wr each but they looked quite boring so i didn't mention them And last but not least MRBEAN AND CHADDERZ ARE PUTTING INPUTS INTO THE GAME TO MAKE THE RUNS GAY AAAAAAARGGHHHH MKW HAS FALLEN TRACK OF THE HALF-YEAR: Despite the crazy rivalry on N64 Bowser's Castle, I have to give it to Mushroom Gorge just because we have never seen anything like it in the nearly 17 years that this game has been out. QUOTE OF THE HALF-YEAR: “Anyone heard from Sosis today” - Benjilada20402, February 2nd, 2025 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE HALF-YEAR: “Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?” - Galatians 4:16 This news update covers from September 18 2024 to March 3 2025 New Players (THERE ARE SO MANY OH MY GOD): KaiMK (flukiest DKJP glitch player) Keagan (voiced toad in the mario movie quite well) Chase Whiting (omg is this the letterboxd guy) Joseph Colarusso (cooka da pizza) RO881E (1337 G4M3R) SebTheNoob314 (self-esteem issues) Marcus May (not be mentioned in this update after this) Ilja. (hahaha dot having ass) Riidolsk (I've heard this name before) Fiorderik (If that's your real name I feel bad for you) ADDER (has not learned subsctraction yet) Fawwe (what is that name) Flambambam (maybe the goofiest name out of any WR holders in the game's history) JohnG (John Legends!) Funkatron64 (cannot be older than 14 with that name) Coop519 (Played wonderfully by Matthew McConaughey) James Casey (word on the street says he can't softdrift) Rosek (Slavic ahh name) Pluto (Didn't know they allowed dogs on the internet) Barn. (HAHA EVERYONE POINT AND LAUGH AT THE DOT NICKNAME) NickIsOffline (How are you gonna submit your times?) Michielman2 (AI generated name) JarheadStever (I need to see jarhead one of these days) KayoH16 (AI generated name #2) Patrick S (Patrick Swayze omg it's you, you didn't die after all) Cade Johnson (Carries a toolbox everywhere just in case) Kevin Blaine (Going through a pretty rough divorce, everyone be easy on him) Liam David (Just trying to larp as 2 good UK players) ZenGR_ (ZedR but worse) Brick (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nycb2Rs57nE) Entropy (sounds like a MKW clan name from 2016) Austin Mills (Hard working but quiet, the type to make a great accountant in the future) Marvin (To this day I believe he's a Jared alt) 5555555555 (someone's experimental profile that will be used for a youtube video soon) Galdric Riere (Loves cooking, dreams of being on MasterChef but will end up on Kitchen Nightmares) Jack White (Has a big house, but an even bigger heart.) Sergio Lillo (Tomorrow will be a great day for you. Make the most of it, Sergio.) AlexB08 (Love is around the corner. Just be patient.) Dhavz (Beware of tall trees. They might one day bring you much despair.) Noodleshelf (Work hard, for you know in your heart that it will all be worth it in the end.) Canton (Giving too much of yourself may not be the best for anyone in the long run. Remember to love yourself too.) Izumi (A dark place is not forever. The light is always there.) Adrahaxxen (You seem like you're in need of rest. Remember to take it easy more often.) JMPin (A desk is a place for work. Do not pollute it with other things, for they belong elsewhere) 0.crit (Once a thing has been lost, it is lost forever. Find other things to replace it) Cadwell (Trust your friends. They will always have your back) Boneking (omg it's bone king can i have bones please) LEMONADE (STOP SHOUTING) Jorim Laanstra (I've ran out of horoscopes, sorry) Prolix (Sounds like an erectile dysfunction medication) Julianna (omg hi gurlll) Satkins (what is that name) Logan Lewis (Unfortunately will struggle to be known by his first name in the community.) Tyson Johnston (Tyson Gay) Alec Cusa (Alec Baldwin) JNPman (what does JNP stand for) Jade Sploon (such a nice first name, and the surname has ruined it) Johnathan Matzke (nothing nice about this name) Mario (holy shit i'm a huge fan) Senna (F1 GOAT) KoolKade (I want to make an MKW clan with this guy. We'll call it KoolKadeKlan) JordanShredz (Forever mirin') DrewX (Finally not a dot at the end of the name) Howell (omg almost done with the new players) Ashley Roxanne-Young (finally done with the new players) I've aged 20 years writing all that, I may not live until the next news update. Don't you forget about me Grandmaster #1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz destroyed braixen's career by getting CM no glitch WR, but the braixen curse was too strong and he hasn't got a WR since. He tried on GV and rYF and got very close but never could get the run. He has yet to set a PR in 2025. Can we finally say he's washed?? #3 Arvo Koskikallio talking about people who haven't PR'd in 2025, by some miracle I'm on here again. Feels like I haven't played in 13 years. Got a 2/3 jimmy 1:47 on DKS, then got stuck on DDR for an eternity. I'll get the 1:47 whenever I stop being addicted to FIFA. Already stopped writing the news update once to hop on FIFA, it's not looking good boys. #4 Mitchell Healy is going to catch me very soon and we had a very nice podium handoff circlejerk session in the TT server to pass the baton. Recently he's claimed MC glitch flap as his category and demolishing the previous WR. A lot of no glitch runs. Even a sub 30 on MG glitch to prove that he can do the stupidest things for AF. #5 Jack Gluesing has been prioritizing quality over quantity again, setting a new TF no glitch WR as well as getting a casual 1:08 on LC. 8 people having 1:08 on LC is wild. #8 Martin Fox decided to play between mogis and got himself nice WW tops on rMR (just kidding 9ms off) as well as a 2:20.6 on BCWii. GG go again #10 Bynt. got about 13 billion 2:18.0s on KC and when he finally subbed he skipped to 2:17.8. Typical. Also 52.8 on GV2. And 1:48.8 on rWS. The man really loves the number 8. Hanukkah is also 8 days long. This can't be a coincidence, I'm about to go kanye mode Diamond #11 Danny Boy got 2nd WW on rPB no glitch flap IN ONE DAY!, you gotta love that. Also 3rd ww on SGB glitch and finally getting the 3rd WW on CM ng flap aswell. And like other stuff too but like bros I gotta be honest there is like 200 people to go through and it's 10:30PM so there's no way I can list everyone's achievements and we all have to accept that. Congratulations on your 3rd places. #13 Exploder is all the way up here now???? OK I guess. He's get like 21 PRs and has now made every glitch in the game. He's stealing all my Nordic records, and he's stealing our coastline to hoard all the oil. Sad times. Top 10 coming soon. #17 Cqrt3r's name may give me a stroke every time I read it but his name is shining very high on the charts. He's been making some cool youtube videos recently, but has also had some time for TTs also. 1:31.5 on rMC stood out enough to upload. So many other runs were set too, launching him from 38th to 17th on the charts. Remarkable. #18 Jyran Liebs has been trackhopping around, setting great times everywhere he goes. Except RR. 2:30.7 is not the best you can do! #19 Dane Allen is like too good at this game now it's not funny, all the times he's getting are actually good but in my mind he's still the small child playing for High Rollers in bottom div. Oh how the shitey have risen #21 MKRFirestone got a 4.208 on CM flap like 3 days after the last news update and nothing else. #22 Kevin Miller went fucking sicko mode and got 4th WW on rWS ng. I was kinda in shock, I didn't think the madman had it in him. Unreal. Stat program says he set 15 PRs but didn't move a single spot. Oh well. #23 Nara Hiero did move a spot, 13 of them to be precise. He made rWS glitch which had to have helped pretty massively. So many people seem to have made that glitch now, I feel sorry for y'all for having to go through that experience. Much like Danny Boy, Nara also got a really great rPB flap out of nowhere. Having randomly gotten 2nd WW on that back in 2017 I can relate. Great progress Nara, but since you will be one of our new overlords on the new sites, I'm going to have to rebel against you. Excpect a +10000 line pull request soon with incomprehensible code. #24 Enzo Leussink is terrified of the new site due to GV rock probably getting recognition on it, and his run has an SSMT in it. Enzo also made rWS glitch. What the heck. Emerald #27 Jake Harrison seems to have played quite a bit! Holding his top 30 spot strong with some routing improvements. No PRs since January though. Come back #28 Shane Hogan had the glint of WW tops in his eyes and decided to hop on the MG shooting star bandwagon. He also beat me on MG glitch, the 4th person to do so since I set my time. Yes I'm glazing myself in your segment, what are you going to do about it? Cry maybe? Have a tantrum, perhaps? JK nice job, your Emersonian career is reaching new heights even if you dropped 3 positions Has anyone heard from #29 Jay Rangthale? His aura is massive on LC right now. He will get .7 soon if he keeps having strong aura. #31 Luke Brown has no aura. Not telling people your breakfast choice is not aura. He does have WRs, though. However, not on TF. Sadge. #39 Jacob Loerzel seems to have been on the grind. Last time he was #50, now he's already out of the 40s. RR glitch? Probably first time making it. Will be looking to confirm this fact. 1:17.1 SGB has to mean some funny business, that can't be a L1 glitch. #40 Carter Zilla completed his timesheet. Woo! #42 Intel Core has been turboautism-posting about American presidents and presidential elects. This obsession is quite relatable and we had a nice talk about it not too long ago. He also did play the game and stole Owen Smith's RR flap WR. Got rWS flap too. Also finally got ww tops on GV2, the most dead category in the game. Watching his PR history is so funny, it's either ww tops (glitch) or ranked 200+ (no glitch) with him. Perhaps it's time to diversify. #43 Carter Clem played some cheeky MG glitch, getting a 42.0 and a nice 10.4 flap. Looking like they're his first PRs since 2022, welcome back mate! #48 Hunter Wells got a 1:42.5 on rMR a week after last news. I'm sure you can get a .4 for the next one. #50 Jacob Fitzgibbon will be issued a DANGER WARNING. Do not take top 50 for granted. You may find yourself in the pit of despair soon. Just look at those names down there. Do you really want to be lumped in with people like JMM? Ultra Pear? For god's sake, Arthur is down there, idk how he even sets PRs because he doesn't have time for news updates! You need to start getting times other than a 55.1 on MC to avoid this harsh potential reality. Gold #58 Nate Schultz got a 3 shroom flap on MC glitch yes! It's a party at #60 JMM435's house. Bro set a Daisy Circuit flap 2 days after the news update and has now got a mention. CAN YOU STOP MAKING ME HAVE TO MENTION YOU, THERE ARE 232 ACTIVE PLAYERS AND YOU'RE MAKING ME WASTE TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID DC FLAP #61 Ultra_Pear seems to not be playing any MKW now that Trump is president. Truly disappointing, you should represent your country now more than ever. Big Don would be so disappointed to see your 59.786 on rYF. #65 Charlie Gillet got a RR glitch run. 53.2 GV2 ng is also quite nice. #70 2ndmatt uhhhh rDS flap WR? I completely missed this, wtf nice. And a Karhuma bop on LC flap, you're a better man than me for this. First time in the top 100. Seems like there's still some cleanup to do to get to a spot that matches your skill level! #77 Owen Smith made RR glitch 3/3. That's all I gotta say, roll the Rerim short. #78 Filler got 4th WW on MH 3 days after the last news update. This is getting ridiculous now guys. Stop this nonsense. #79 Boshi at least set some runs in November, but after that he's just been hanging out at his skatepark. 53.0 on GV2 isn't bad though. I would know, I have that time too. And I'm the 3rd best player in the world. #84 Daelyn has cut 105 positions since the last news update. Wow. He also made rWS glitch, leaving him with 28 brain cells after that grind. That's more than me for sure. #85 StarBoi has also cut some nice AF, but not as much as Daelyn. Just enough to bop the world's biggest GAMT fan, #86 Alberto Barba. One of the highlight times was a 2:06.7 on DKM. Nice time and even nicer BGM. #87 ArthurOww got a 1:21 on MC. He did not, however get a 2:29 on RR. He also did not help with this news update. Please help me I can't write news I'm busy #88 Watcha seems to be back after a 2-year hiatus, barely missing out on the 1:47 on DKS. Feels bad man. #89 Acquiesce achieved a time of 1 minute, 34 seconds and 483 milliseconds on the track known as Nintendo Double Screen Desert Hills, using the vehicle commonly referred to as "Spear", also going by the name "Torpedo" in the Phase Alternating Line (commonly referred to as "PAL"), versions of the game. Rather splendid accomplishment, let's see if he acquiesces to Sosis holding on to the World Record. #91 Dwt89_ got a 8 flap on MC and used TOBU MUSIC OMG!!!!! He's the kind of player that would get a lot of mentions if the news updates were actually monthly but because there are so many players, I'm just going to say congratulations on cutting 100+ AF and 78 spots oh my goodness oh my damn #97 Cederic hasn't really been playing too much recently. He did get a 43.1 on BCWii flap a few days ago though. Maybe he's back. Speaking of BCWii glitch, #99 Nota. is quite cracked on it. He's very close to 2:09, or maybe he already got it but hasn't submitted. Wouldn't put it past him, he strikes me as a true mogimain, not a TT goblin. Bronze #101 NITROFOX one MC glitch flap. Are you serious. Now you're out of the top 100, how do you feel? Bet you feel pretty stupid, huh? #103 Kasper also fell out of the top 100. He seems to be on a non-bowser bike no glitch grind. Enjoy and/or suffer plenty, dear sir. #109 Hedwig completed his timesheet. He's real #1 Finnish player, he's on a generational streak and I'm just not able to compete. #115 James Collins set a couple times around new years and dipped again. Seemed to be some routine PRs. #116 Pabloski got a 2:31 on rBC but chose to not have BGM in this video. If you were a spice, you would be flour. Use some epic Catalan tunes next time, please. #119 Marvin completed his timesheet. Cue the top 10 times! #120 Supreme got a 1:21.313 on MC woah AND NO BGM EITHER, VERY DISAPPOINTED #132 Fraterz has apparently improved nearly all of his times. Colour me impressed. #134 Kitty has also apparently improved nearly all of his times. Colour me impressed once again. #148 Ben Hurley oh god he's back and he's setting his classic 200+ ranked times again. Tons of PRs and still lost 4 spots. Hold on he's in call let me ask him for a comment about how his past 6 months have been. He describes his recent developments as "underwhelming but expected". This is coincidentally what women say to me in bed. Just kidding, they usually say "get out of my bed" #154 Tim van Ham woah Tim setting PRs for the first time since 2013??? Tim got himself a 1:43 on rMR (don't tell me you're still using the ramp strat) as well as a 2:04.2 on BC3 and a 53.7 on GV2 ng. Love to see old faces making comebacks, nice to see you around man! #161 Alex Croteau completed his timesheet. #162 Dylan Lepeirtz has set one run that was worthy of a video. It is a 1:18.8 on MC3. Will it have BGM? It does not. No description either. Bot behaviour. #165 Noah Dalentoft completed his timesheet. GL on the rPG 1:59 grind bro #166 Ian Beler also got a 1:18.8 on MC3, just like Dylan. What are the odds! #174 Teovoni59 oh wow 33.2 on WGM god damn aaaaand everything else ranked 100+ (ummm akshually dkjp flap is #83 and MG flap is #93 yeah keep yapping bro) #176 ElecTrick I was very excited to see links and check if there's BGMs but it was only [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024. #179 Prolix completed his timesheet. #180 Silicosis Silicone Sosis is once again on the charts, getting himself a ton of new PRs including a rWS ng flap that even made the top 100! #181 Thomas Ullrich continued his comeback and beat his old GV g 3lap and RR ng times. He also got 3/3 on rSL glitch. Crazy to see super OG players return and actually be at the top level still. Sometimes you're just a generational talent waiting for your moment. #185 Falco requested me to "pls write the fucking news update". Your wish has been granted, but if you're going to be like that, I'm not going to mention any of your times here. You're going on timeout, little buddy, I'll tell you when you're ready to come out. #187 Hockeylord900 omg a 2:16 on RR glitch, what on earth happened, that's worse than Hydr8ion #190 Mystic completed his timesheet. #195 Spencer Sassak oh wow a 2:10.6 on BCWii glitch and omg there's a video and omg it has BGM but it's some random video game music but there is another video on RR and it's more video game music. I mean I'll take it but I did wanna hear some imagine dragons at this point of the news update im not gonna lie #197 Kenny M oh wow Kenny improved on TF? Go on dude #198 Will Fury set 3 times, 2 of them even cracking the top 500. Magnificent. #199 Brian Lai only played WGM. Thankfully he's quite good at WGM. 1:50.6 is very sweet Iron #205 Ben Brophy oh a 2:18.3 MT is actually pretty cool to see in the iron tier. Nice! #217 Entropy completed his timesheet. #221 Troy Howard OMG THERE IS NO WAY RHODECHILL PLAYED NOPE IT'S JUST THE STATS PROGRAM FUCKING WITH ME. However I will use this opportunity to release my messages I sent to Rhodechill on Facebook when I was very new to alcohol and couldn't really handle it: 07/07/2018, 01:33 I love you rogodw chill Joyure grea r Awesine Good luck d night frodechil :thumbsup: #225 Shawn Berry oh the excitement, time to see fast times! 52.845 GV2 ng is indeed fast #226 James Muraski got 3rd WW on MG ng with shooting star. He has found his way onto the top. 3.1 GV flap aswell, oh mate I can just imagine the dopamine rush #231 Sam Fairless barely missed out on the 8 flap on MC. Feelsbadman #235 Blake GOT DKSC WR HOLY MOLY!!! Also he was in a really great youtube video about MKWii that I just can't find now where he told a story about his dad teaching him how to drive and I was laughing my lungs out at it, I really gotta find that video again (EDIT: it's this video, thanks you VNix) #236 Ivan Andreopoulos has been busy blowing RR bowser bike wide fucking open with the path switch. He's got a 2:25.4 and apparently 2:24 isn't that far away from being realistic. That's just like, beyond crazy, definitely top 3 craziest developments within the last 6 months #244 Jeroen Schepers is once again farming news update mentions with a 10.1 MC glitch flap. He also set the time on my birthday just to make me spend time realizing and writing it out on this here news update. What a next level timewasting troll. And of course there's a video. Does it have BGM? No it doesn't. Great, even more time wasted. I hope you're happy. #253 Skylar Waffle oh ok cheeky 31.5 on MG glitch oh and he uses real music in the video that's so refreshing, you've earned yourself a subscriber. Oh wait you're the guy who made the MKW KSI parody. You're blocked. #254 Zyxis there's not that much interesting stuff here, but at least he holds North Macedonian record on every category #256 Joe Beaton improved on rWS after so much grinding and the BGM is the most Joe Beaton BGM I've ever hear. He has also been experimenting with DDR 2 shroom ultra, and it seems to be quite a lot faster. Because that track is totally not stupid enough as it is. DDR at the top level is going to become the new rDS. #258 Ethan Laing got a 2:18.5 on BC3. That's it. #259 Luca R got a 2:18 on KC but he lost to me by 3 frames. Ha ha! #267 Tristan Kelley is not playing any TTs because he's too busy uploading videos about discord kittens. TF 1:50 soon. #274 Charlie Brennan [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024 gets me again. GGs #284 Ncsr. made it onto the top 300. Nice!! #301 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson 2:18.6 MT is quite nice. Not nice enough to stay on the top 300 tho. #306 Thomas Placella once again got his mention, this time with a 21.8 LC flap. Not bad. #319 .VNix the unique dot at the start of the name having ass has ditched karts. Now all times are set with outside drift. MC glitch 1:09.009 with shooting star is quite crackhead but I can't hate on it #320 Emil Lönquist played the most random ass flaps to get a mention. This was a joke at the start but I'm actually starting to think people are mention farming, what is this! #332 Liam David completed his timesheet. #338 Brick completed his timesheet. #341 Hollend78 has gone hardcore and is uploading his runs without game music. Truly taking it to the next level in causing my dumb ass to be bored after writing a news update for 4 hours in a row. When you start to see 1000+ ranked times you know there will be very little to say. This guy likes MK8 and he's French. Truly the worst combo. #346 Pablo Hernangómez is always here because the ó in his name does not compute and I need to edit it manually. Way to lodge yourself into my brain. But I still always forget that this dude is actually kind of a beast, He's out here in the mid 300s hitting 53.1 on GV2 ng and 52.2 on glitch. See you next news update. #352 Leila FalB Massanova is another one of the overlords. Her times do not impress me as much as Nara's. We couldn't do it without you though, but you will be also be set as reviewer when I submit my 10000 line pull request where I rewrite the entire backend in Scratch #365 Austin Mills completed his timesheet. #375 Jack White completed his timesheet. #393 Sergio completed his timesheet. #396 ChromaQ's chadsoft profile has 3 miis. One called Pyoder (Peter Griffin mii), Player mii and a mii called Waltuh. I assume that's Mike Ehrmanntraut, however I'm not able to confirm this. Do let me know! #397 Dudu. is out here uploading great PR vids with BGMs on his youtube channel. Repping all the spear tracks and getting a 59.4 on rYF. You love to see it. Unfortunately, 7-1. #403 Fawwe completed his timesheet. #432 Gus.. point and laugh, it's the 2 dot guy. I think we should implement the 5 character limit on the new site also. Oh great and he's set a MG PR 3 days after my last news update. Once again, it's not a meme anymore. #434 Chansey was setting times in the top 600 last year but this year it's been 700+ asll the way. Unimpressed. #460 Ilja. completed his timesheet. #461 Dovo4 has improved all but 3 of his times. That will bank you a -95 AF. Nice. #462 Calum Sutherland I was so hyped when I saw .999 on LC but it's 1:10.999. God damn it. #469 Joshua Patterson is uploading his PRs with a glorious easycap-esque capture card. Takes me back. Nearly 120 AF cut aswell. Takes me back. He's about to bop #468 Benito, the legend who bet his dad a whopping $1 on who would win the world cup and tried to submit his times to the Spanish tops even though he isn't Spanish and said he didn't know you needed to be Spanish to be on Spanish tops. #482 Jack Guice has made it on to the top 500. Never let go Jack #485 Albert999999 I once wrote an English essay in high school where I wrote this character called Albert who was supposed to be kind of my own humorous self-critique of myself in 10 years and I wrote myself as a massive shut-in who would not talk to anyone. It's 1.30AM and I'm writing a news update so I can't say I was too far off. Yeah I realize this has nothing to do with you but I'm sorry man idk what to say about your 1:01.1 on rYF #490 Cade Johnson completed his timesheet. #500 YT_Valentin 1:01.9 on rYF. That's not as good as Albert. #512 Ridley Cooper was our biggest AF cut of the news update (except Charlie Gillet who apparently cut 230+ AF even though he set like 5 PRs, I call cap mr news update.) Ridley actually only improved around 2/3 of his times, but it was enough for a phat .185 and #632 -> #512. Keep this up and you'll be #1 in no time. #514 Vincent Kwiecien 1:01.8 on rYF. Beats the hell out of Valentin. However you only set 3 PRs and fell out of the top 500. Oh dear! #527 NE MKPatsfan Oh my god it's HIM. Patsfan the kinda guy to set a 2025 goal to not get covid after already having covid. Patsfan the kinda guy to not know how to make a discord again. Patsfan the kinda guy to be the only one posting on a dead forum instead. Patsfan the kinda guy to discard his nationality after Big Don's win. Patsfan the kinda guy to set a 1:56.4 on TF and submitting a 4 hour vod as the video for the run. I'm sure it's not cheated. Karhuma would still cheat a 1:56.4 on TF tho. #544 ZenGR_ completed his timesheet. Also messed up the formatting, since his name actually has a double underscore instead of a single underscore at the end, and that causes text to be underlined. What a troll. #545 Fiorderik completed his timesheet. #577 Satkins completed his timesheet. #589 Jorim Laanstra completed his timesheet. #596 Diana M has a 1:01.9 on rYF, but a better .9 than Valentin. #606 Charles Schrader has a 1:02.5 on rYF. Ouch, we have a new last place. #610 Patrick Broich ok I was gonna make another rYF comment but ohhh this is TGC Bobo who last submitted in 2009, dude is a true veteran at 43 years old and his youtube channel is a glorious mix of 13 year old MKW and rave videos. Welcome back man, your vibe is very unique #611 Mattinatorr has a 1:01.9 on rYF, slotting in between Diana and Valentin. This is exciting. #615 Adam Roberts oh no, 1:03.3 on rYF. This might be tight #624 Trenton Steinburg has one link on his timesheet, being a SGB ng 1:24.7 from 3 months ago. There is one comment in the video, simply stating: "Do SC." I know you can do it, Trenton. OK, I actually lied, there's also a link to his WGM run of 1:57.2. James M has commented "Cleannn" on that video. James M is much nicer to newcomers than I am. #632 LEMONADE completed his timesheet. #634 Gianni Barletta completed his timesheet. #637 Mats Frium completed his timesheet. #645 Borat does not discriminate. He plays every Mario Kart, even the bad ones and points his webcam at every screen he possibly can #673 Sam29 completed his timesheet. #700 Kyvee is Irish. However [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024 does not appear here. I wonder why. Maybe because he has a 1:03.8 on rYF, making him new last place in our competition. #703 RO881E completed his timesheet. #740 Chase Whiting completed his timesheet. #745 John McArdle Has improved every time since the last news update, except his rWS 2:10.0. I suppose that one is too strong. Also his rYF is at 1:07.1. Kyvee has been bailed out. #755 Justin JJ Morris is a name that I would give to a comically American character, Howdy boys my name is Justin JJ Morris. He has a 1:05.4 on rYF and is quite safe. #763 Herold completed his timesheet despite the scary parts of every track. However his rYF time is a 1:11.1. This does beat his old time of 7:02.3 by a considerable amount, though, due to his revolutionary new strategies of starting in second gear. #767 Sergio Lillo completed his timesheet. Honorary Grandmaster #799 Shatterdpixel is back after a 4+ year hiatus. Welcome back! You have reached Honorary Grandmaster status, however your rYF is currently at 1:12.8 and you have lost our little competition. And I just lost the game. You also just lost the game. Site Records: Flambambam beat the old Mushroom Gorge no glitch crs time of 1'40"580 with a time of: 1'37"467 Flambambam beat the old Mushroom Gorge no glitch lap time of 0'31"087 with a time of: 0'30"592 Jack Gluesing beat the old Toad's Factory no glitch lap time of 0'34'806 with a time of: 0'34'763 Keita beat the old Mario Circuit crs time of 0'46"553 with a time of: 0'45"136 Mitchell Healy beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"798 with a time of: 0'08"728 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old Coconut Mall no glitch crs time of 1"55'264 with a time of: 1"55'250 Blake beat the old DK's Snowboard Cross crs time of 1'44"599 with a time of: 1'44"497 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 1'51"289 with a time of: 1'50"997 Owen Smith beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 1'24"382 with a time of: 0'57"688 Intel Core beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"675 with a time of: 0'13"941 Danny Boy beat the old GCN Peach Beach no glitch lap time of 0'22"360 with a time of: 0'22"355 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Sherbet Land crs time of 0'56"862 with a time of: 0'55"609 2ndmatt beat the old DS Delfino Square lap time of 0'38"737 with a time of: 0'38"707 Intel Core beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium lap time of 0'21"346 with a time of: 0'21"224 Falco beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium no glitch crs time of 1'48"334 with a time of: 1'48"005 Falco beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium no glitch lap time of 0'34"981 with a time of: 0'34"975 117james beat the old DS Desert Hills lap time of 0'27"154 with a time of: 0'22"960 Luke Brown beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 no glitch crs time of 2'16"183 with a time of: 2'16"124 Ash Lovett beat the old DS Peach Gardens no glitch lap time of 0"38'189 with a time of: 0"38'177 117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'17"997 with a time of: 2'15"291 117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'29"752 with a time of: 0'28"373 Alright mates, it's been fun. It's 2:17AM and I set my limit of news update time to 3AM, so I suppose it was a resounding success. I hope it was enjoyable and it will inspire you to reach your goals and keep the game alive. Or at least to set that one time so you get a mention in the next news update. Whatever floats your boat. Thanks for reading! Remember that you're a star, a big bright shining star. Love y'all MEME OF THE MONTH: - Arvo Jacob Loerzel is a sign clip specialist. You actually thought I would forget to say it? Dream on!! |
It was in the reign of Charles III that the below-named personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal nowArvo @ Tuesday, September 17th 01:19PM [link] |
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| Months pass, turn into years, life changes, flowers bloom and wither away, but the news updates never end. Yet again I've been called out of cryosleep to capture the profound leaps the community has made since the last news update. Most profound leap has to be rSL 3/3 actually becoming a thing incredibly fast, everyone called Korben a stupid retard for thinking it would ever happen, now people can only call him a stupid retard on account of being stupid and retarded. Fair is fair, at least you were right in the end. Logan started off with a 1:00.116 run where he lost like 1.5 seconds because he went so far back after the respawn lap 3, truly an artistic move from him. However the real MVP here has to be Zoren, who got the first ever 3/3 landback run, as well as his first ever WR, which has been so long overdue. Honorable mention goes to Ace Beaton for getting 3/3, making his mark as probably one of the most insane character developments ever seen in this community with an top 3 WW glitch run at the time it was set. Sosis once again improved his rSL no glitch record this time finally getting the big 2:03.5. Man is not playing around, his driving has been referred to as "Magic on Ice". Luke beat Logan on KC after nearly 500 days, the old guard is fighting back against the zoomer king Connor beat Barney on GV no-glitch with a 1:50.8, after which Barney simply sent a 4 second video of him turning his wii on in the private TT server. +1000 aura Firestone decided to join me in waking up from cryosleep, getting the first ever 8.7 lap on MC glitch flap, as well as beating Liams 302930245 day flap WR on rDH no glitch. He also thought it was stupid that the ending rail strat was considered shortcut, and the people agreed. This lead to him getting another WR, which was beat by yours truly (I am very skilled I know), and then my brilliant and beautiful WR was crushed by .001 by Firestone again. Humanity is overrated. Firestone also wrote a great base for the new no glitch rules document, which should help avoid some confusion on those (or just increase it, who knows) Another cryosleep awaker this month was KingAlex, once gain beating the rPG flap WR with the stupid treeclip by a couple of milliseconds as an eternal reminder of the pain the PP time updaters have to go through reminding Joey2009 submitting his rPG 2:09.232 that "rPG actually has a glitch :nerd-emoji:, please mark it as no-glitch" One of the most overlooked and crazy things that has happened for like actual years, the German Ice (yes, the guy who has a 19.5 GV on nanobike from like 2011) came back and just randomly dropped a new GV glitch flap WR. Bro really has 2 vids on his channel: a RR flap PR from 13 years ago and a 2.774 GV flap from 3 weeks ago, simply with a description that says "I'm back." THIS IS LIKE THE COLDEST COMEBACK IN MKW HISTORY AND IVE SEEN LIKE NOBODY TALK ABOUT IT We have No-SC (red chart) champion history on the player's page now! Thank you Thomas van Deerse, Paul (Filler) and of course our lizard overlord Alex Penev for making it all happen. Love yall TRACK OF THE MONTH: After all things said and done it's still undeniably N64 Sherbet Land. QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Is there a shortcut to avoid the scary part of bowsers castle?” - Herold, August 22th, 2024 GOBBLEDYGOOK QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I noticed that there are multiple ways someone could use a resource that people could use that aren't mentioned for some reason. Out of these, which one is the best one?” - NE MKPatsfan, September 12th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” - George W. Bush, January 27, 2000 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!” - Jeremiah 20:14 This news update covers from July 27 2024 to September 17 2024 New Players: DeadManWalks (Welcome Jesus Christ to the Player's Page) Patrick Pelosi (I heard his family are into insider investing) Lewis (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-ng62_99VQ&t=39s) Zaky Ina-Batlle (This is like the fakest fake name ever) Rockedoe (Rock Dude secret alt) Toadeight (Not to be confused with the first seven toads) RoberticoXD (XD in the nickname is a sigma move in 2024) Beanzard64 (After Caleb quit we need one top-level good Christian boy in the community, thank you for restoring our balance) Kyvee (representing Ireland with some very strong times) João S. (the special a broke and I had to fix it once again for the news update) Ivan Andreopoulos (I thought the RR bowser bike specialists were an extinct breed) Aidan Greenley (Now that's a proper name) AfroGraggy (That's not a proper name) Raul Sanchez Alonso (bienvenido) Bowser_boi (bro thinks he's edgy for naming himself after the villain) Grace Duggan (token female of this news update) Sylent (1 letter away from soylent, Grace already brought enough feminine energy to this news update thank you very much) People who are above Rhodechill #1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz got the rSL stuff but also to counterbalance the brainrot also played CM ng and ended up getting 2nd WW there. 2ez #2 Justin Hitchcock got a sleeper 3/3 rSL and probably paused in the run about 200 times. Good try, cheater! #3 Arvo Koskikallio I got myself a nice 1:19 on rSL glitch which I really wanna beat but no glitch called my name and I also got run on GV ng, WGM and DKS. Currently going for 1:47 on DKS. Also snatched that rDH flap WR for a little while, haven't had one of those for a long while #4 Mitchell Healy played SKM and a bunch of random flaps, then hopped on DDR to get a low 1:48 and is currently going for 32 on CM glitch I believe. Just vibin as always #7 Vincent Nguyen had himself a quick little rSL grind before going back to school, getting a 1:18.5. Glad to see that hitting the books is taking priority over hitting the racetrack, you are an inspiration to all the degens out there #8 David Morton is one of those degens. He horrendously bottled a meetup in Finland and then bottled playing rSL for anything better than a measly 1:24. Is there anything this man does not bottle? #10 Bynt. fucking skipped 2:26 on RR and went straight from 2:27 to a 2:25.9. Who the FUCK does that. He also got 1:17 on MC3, and is continuing to prove to be one of the best players currently out there. Although he still cannot get 2:17 on KC. SAD! #11 Danny Boy (Zoomer Danny) has been consistently rising on the charts and is getting very close to the top 10, hope to see that soon! Man he was on fire, he got a 1:18.5 on rSL, however slightly faster than Vincent N. But I gotta say, what the fuck is this loud ass BGM on this video. His MC no glitch 10th WW time was very sick to see after all this time, however the BGM is once again very bad. At least he finally redeemed himself with his excellent BGM for his CM glitch 3rd WW time, definitely being the crown jewel of this month for him. However, to quote Danny, that category "makes me wanna start an alcohol addiction". Being now 2 months sober myself, I would not recommend this, I would instead recommend NOT PLAYING STUPID IDIOTIC CATEGORIES!!!! #16 Danny Gallenberger (Boomer Danny) did what he does best, hopping on the new glitch strat bandwagon and getting himself a supremely impressive 1:17.998 and clutching that sub. I like to think the game honoured his legacy and gave him the sub as a token of respect, Danny himself said that this run "could very well be the last cool thing I ever do [in MKW]". However I do doubt this a bit, Danny is living proof that the phrase "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" is just categorically false. #17 MKRFirestone talking about old dogs, Firestone has been dropping so many bombs recently with his MC glitch and rDH no glitch flap WRs, but he did also get a 2/3 on rSL (even if he did slow down at the end like a foolish joker! Do you not wish to go fast?) He is also cooking something up on rDH glitch flap it seems, and he also got a 1:35.306 on rDH no glitch! I would wager that there's still quite a bit more left in the tank here. #18 Dane Allen makes it look easy with his 1:47 on DDR, 1:33 on rDH glitch, 1:49.8 on TF and 1:56.303 on CM. His mindset towards TTs is captured wonderfully by this conversation from the private TT server: Will 14/08/2024 05:25 yooo what a time bro go get tops Thunder 14/08/2024 05:40 it's 9th na Will 14/08/2024 05:40 i meant ww Thunder 14/08/2024 05:40 guess you think I'm going to play a track for more than a day Will 14/08/2024 06:05 What's stopping you Thunder 14/08/2024 06:09 instant gratification and lack of patience absolute brainrot!! At least it seems that you haven't played lounge in about a month, so I am hopeful that he is taking care of himself. #21 Jyran Liebs literally just got sub 2 on BC3 SC to clutch out the news update mention. Unfortunately he is still failing on GV glitch to retake the WR from Niyake. Cmon at this point Niyake will probably be so old that he won't be able to get it back, get on it bro! #22 Kevin Miller has like an exhausting amount of new times, I will choose some highlights: uhhhh well he got 3rd ww on rDH flap... idk these are like all really cool times but there are like 30 of them that I'm just gonna have to say that he bopped sosis #23 Jay Rangthale got bopped by big Kev Miller. You see, when you only improve your own WR, you do not cut any AF. You should take notes here. OK to be fair he did apparently get a 1:48 on DKS, but it did not help him in defending his prized #22 spot against Kevin. #24 Joeblase made his way into the top 25 this month by hopping on RR glitch, remarking that he "made phantom glitch in 30 minutes, lmao, wtf". Everyone who has struggled on RR for days upon days, please raise a collective middle finger to Joe. He did also play some real category with a rather swanky 1:43.252 on MH, proving that he can also get chains on top of being able to do glitches. #27 Ryley Carroll was able to get his 2/3 on rSL with a 1:28. Aaron W did not believe he would be able to do this, but he once again proved the opposition wrong. I am going to go one further and say that he may also be able to one day get a run on RR glitch that does not fall off after making the glitch. Aaron W might disagree. #28 Luke Brown got WR on KC and 2nd WW on MC3 flap. He also (FUCKING FINALLY) improved his stupid 1:06 on WGM glitch to a 37.6 a month ago which I had to update during the writing of this news update. This cut him literally like 300 positions and went from #35 to #28. The deed is done. Next up: SOMETHING BETTER THAN a 23.6 ON GV, OR ANY MC GLITCH TIME - YOU ALREADY HAVE A FLAP ON THAT #29 Jake Harrison oh would you look at that, another rSL 2/3!!! a 1:25! Wow, how original Jake! #31 Phyz Phyz decided to anonymize his username, however he has decided to keep his fake email (@lmfao.com) on his profile which still has his real name. Interesting. Phyz had a quick gaming stint, getting a 2:18 on KC, as well as a 3rd WW flap time. He also hopped on MC3 flap to get that sub 24, love to see a man here who does not skip flap day. #32 Exploder is a dirty Norwegian oil tycoon who is on twitch 24/7 because of his annual multi-million oil trade deal with Jeff Bezos. He beat my Nordic record on rSL. I must stop listing his accomplishments because of the overwhelming urge to invade northern Norway because #36 Nara Hiero got himself a rDH 3/3 time, albeit a Ross C/TWD98-esque 1:33.8. Many other great times including a rSL 2/3, but he only cut 1 spot on the charts due to a bit of a gap at the low 70-high 60 range. He's getting closer to the jungle of high 50 AFs though, the top 25 is closer than it seems. #38 Cqrt3r only improved his MC3 to a 1:18.457. He didn't skip flap day, although leaving the flap as a 24.014 is a bit questionable, the sub is so close man! #45 Intel Core, the only man who has made so many glitches that his bottleneck for total time is his no glitch times once again cleaned up the no glitch times. However, his MH is still a 1:45.5. Aaaaand he's back to his old ways and he's playing MC glitch and got 5th WW. I made this meme for him. #46 Hunter Wells started off by getting a low 1:19 on rSL but recently hopped on some no glitch, getting 2:00 on rPG, 1:31 on rMC and a 2:05.3 on rDS. Also 39.000 on rDS flap, lol! #47 JAYOO fucking hates the new rSL glitch and says it's his least favourite glitch. What is wrong with him. He got a 1:20.9 on it. He also got a 49 on MC glitch on the same day that the new lap 1 strat was found out (he did not use this strat.) And the BGM that he used for that is called: "Aborting the Sloughing Seance: Frantic Body Disposal Ankle-Deep in the Accumulative Filth of Seven Semi-Liquified Corpses I" from the hit album "Exquisite Macerated Tissue Slippage and Full-Body Degloving Under Extreme Circumstances of Accelerated Putrefaction". Therapy is always an option, mi amico Lombardo. #50 Jacob Loerzel has made it into the top 50!! Ultra_Pear could never. He also got a rSL 2/3 (getting tired of saying this over and over and over again) and some rDS flap. Good job Invincible! And don't think I wouldn't mention your sign clip prowess in this news update aswell, you still have the BKT on it! #58 JMM435 got a 2/3 on rSL (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz) although it beats me so I can't really hate on it. Also a bunch of no glitch times, getting him closer to top 50. #59 Nate Schultz 1:29 rSL, which is a large shame considering his absolutely legendary 1:42.0 2/3 run is no longer his PR. Big sad. Rest of the times he set are very NPC level. #63 Ultra_Pear ahhh finally someone who didn't play rSL... NVM it's just ultra pear who just isn't able to get one. In fact, he didn't even PR at all since the last news update, but I thought roasting him was so funny that I don't wanna remove it now. Tough! #66 Alex Shoal got the rPG flap WR, it's so funny to me that KingAlex after all these years has strats in this game that literally only he ever plays. Man's gonna be 107 years old sitting in a retirement home grinding out his rPG tree clip flap while Carter's grandson is trying to optimize the no-sc WR a tiny bit more because KingAlex came back 7 years after Carter's death to destroy the family legacy once again #74 Filler came back after all this time to become a major league shitposter, but also prove to everyone that he isn't washed. He achieved 2nd Circumnavigational on rSL with a 2:03.8. Also like, uhh, a lot of other stuff. MH 1:43.1, KC 2:18.6, rWS 1:49.5+2nd ww flap. He also did a bunch of research with Thomas van Deerse to make the red chart champs page happen, arigato Paul-san #78 Owen Smith is the MAN OF THE HOUR. He pulled through on another one of his odyssean grinds, with a RR 2/3 glitch run. Bro really went from having to quit his 58 grind because his parents didn't let him play MKW to getting 2/3 on RR, screaming his fucking lungs out and having his GF run into the room and congratulate him on the run. Man is living the degen speedrunner dream and I couldn't be happier for him. He has already set his sights for CM fast entry as his next grind, which should hopefully not be as carcinogenic as the RR 2/3 one. #82 ArthurOww got a 1:22.202 on MC which makes it into the top 100 on that track, amongst other times that may or may not make the top 100 #84 Acquiesce oh man is that a rSL 1/3 I see???? Haven't seen one of those for years am I right??? Ok yeah he also got a 1:29.4 DC + flap of course, as well as a random rPG flap! #92 StarBoi got a 38.6 DKM glitch flap nice nice, also 2:00.2 BC3, you love to see PRs on that infernal category #95 NITROFOX is our latest addition to the top 100, knocking out Nota! We are getting quite close to some legends getting knocked off the top 100, JimmyB and Swiss Alvin are hanging on by a thread, and we already lost Kezer. Surprise comeback to hold onto the top 100 spot anyone? Anyway NitroBozo got a boomerific 1/3 on rSL, as well as one of the most disgusting chokes of all time with a 1:22.001 on MC ng with a 25.1 lap 1 followed by 2 28.4 laps. He must feel that God himself wants to smite him, however he decided to put it much simpler than me, simply stating: "Not sigma" #96 Cederic improved on RR ng and MC g flap. He also got a time of 1:39.3 on rSL, and I genuinely cannot tell if that is 1/3 or 2/3. OK it's 2/3. God help us all. #103 Chloie it's another 1/3 on rSL, it seems to be the big hit around the #100 mark here. MF ACTUALLY GOT A FUCKING 1:43.001 rMR 3LAP AND A 32.000 FLAP, I AM DONE. #113 James Collins was so nice when asking for a news update that he inspired me to actually write one. I wouldn't be here writing this if it wasn't for his message, but after like 4 hours of writing my opinion on James is starting to sour a bit... Okok let's see here: MC3 1:18.825 with loads of potential for more, some classic shroomstrat nonsense on rBC and the eventual return to 1-1-1, been there. Alvin van Asselt bop for James this month, making moves. #115 Supreme got a 1/3 rSL, simply stating: "lol". Guessing it's not the proudest run for him. On BC3 he got a 44.6 flap, stating: "cba to crop enjoy". Something's telling me that this guy doesn't have the highest energy levels. #123 Carlo got PBs on rMC and rBC sc nice #125 Mystogan was busy uploading that video of every 200cc flap WR that I regret to say that I watched all the way from start to finish at work while brainrotting, don't tell my boss. He also played some 150cc, cutting over 10 AF and 9 spots. #166 Andrew Grieve the absolute legend got a 1:49.5, how did I not hear about this? Hell yeah brother #169 Dwt89_ got a 1:18.2 on rSL, a rare 2/3 this low down on the charts. Clearly an indication of potential. Is that a first 1:09 on LC I see? AND rYF sub 1? Practically an initiation month for our young lad here, you are now a real degenerate, welcome aboard. #172 Falco finally got his 3rd WW on rWS, making Yang's "beat Falco on every track" grind a rather funny meme. #177 ElecTrick got a ton on runs but the one he decided was good enough to upload was a 2:19.880 on MT. Daelyn apparently chugged a pint in commemoration of that run. This is Irish MKW culture right here. #181 Anonymous again just like last time, won't mention any of his times to protect his identity. Good job on avoiding the CIA this month also. #182 Silicosis rSL 1/3 classic classic and like 20 times in August to get him into the top 200 #185 Kitty got 2 very simple times. 1:14.2 on rPB and 1:00.2 on rYF. Subs are rather close. #186 Brian Lai got a funny 35.558 on WGM no glitch flap, beating my time by 1 ms, which I then proceeded to beat back by 1ms with a .557 before I got my .4 there. Mostly 3lap other than that it seems. Some nice times in there #187 Thomas Ullrich didn't only set his legendary GV flap, but also sent in new times on LC and MMM on both 3lap and flap. This looks like the beginnings of a grand plan to overhaul his entire timesheet... #189 Daelyn oooo is that a 1:09 LC I see very nice very nice and yes oh my it's a 2/3 on rSL! oh yeah this is the one with the legendary nightcore feel this moment BGM. Also 52.8 MC g 3/3 woodless, rPB 1:07 and 10th EU on RR glitch, this is like looking at my 2018 self living the glitch grind, refreshing to see #193 Will Fury oh wtf another 2/3 on rSL uhhh and to contrast that a 2:02 on CM. People who are below Rhodechill #216 Darien Bawpers bro only bawp will hop onto a new rSL discovery and come out with a stupid ahh 2:00 time on it, well at least he's still the only person on earth who can do DKM shroomless glitch so his ego won't be hurt too much by me roasting him for being ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SLOW #222 Hockeylord900 oh damn 59.4 rYF, love it #225 Sam Fairless was on fire that one night we all played rSL glitch in call, and he ended up with a 1:22.3 on that. He also got a 1:33.5 on DKJP glitch, and then played like a few random flaps and shit #232 Woomy got 59 on rYF hell yeah, LC 1:09+rYF 59 check, welcome to timetrialhood #243 Joe Beaton got a 3/3 on rSL with a 1:09.4 and dropped a fucking banger of a video that made me laugh out loud, great to be able to have a laugh about stupid ass drama from years ago and look back on the simpler times with joy. He also got a big improvement on CM ng, skipping straight to a 1:55.4. Big popoffs this month for sure #245 Zyxis bopped such legends of the game as Jared Black, Anis Taktak and my old 2014 clanmate and facebook friend Julian Stephens who I am eagerly waiting to come back to this game! #258 Tristan Kelley continues his Sisyphean grind of beating Falco on every track, he's up to 16 now! He also has no more Intermediate times now (wow that's crazy I never thought he would be able to do that no way) His natural state right now seems to be grinding rYF and listening to podcasts, he's up to a 59.3 now but he choked Falco bop at the end  #265 Ivan Andreopoulos finished his timesheet, welcome welcome #287 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson again who is this goofy ahh player, I see he got 2:18 on MT, nice nice, grats on the first top 100 time! #300 Thomas Placella His other info field just says "Thomas Placella" and his proof status is Screenshot/Time scroll in the year of our lord 2024. Maybe weirdest profile on the PP? He also hasn't played in like 3 years and now drops a random 47.8 RR flap and nothing else? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I see that GV flap, this is Tubiek, welcome back to the land of the living my fellow GoldenEye community loving comrade #302 Ncsr. 1:14.8 rPB and 33.0 MG flap. What is the reason for these 2 specific categories being the only ones you improve on this month? #308 Skylar Waffle I've been watching breaking bad on the side while grinding DKS and man this guys name is exactly how I feel about Skyler, stop yapping to sigma Walter please. #311 Charlie Brennan finished his timesheet, welcome Charlie #315 Connor GB improved on DC and rSL ng. #334 .VNix the absolute gigabozo submitted times and forgot to actually write down the times. I've seen people forget decimals all the time, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone actually forget to submit the actual fucking time, ggs. Again, all his times are with kart so I don't actually know anything, all I can say is that haha funny .069 on CM and 2:27.4 on RR is quite nice (although what kind of absolute drongo gets a 2:27.4 on RR and the thing they put in the description is "55th Kart as of upload date", that's so goofy) #359 Pablo Hernangómez got a 1:18.3 on MC3 and a 1:53.6 on GV, well done pablito #379 Hollend78 cut over 167 AF and like 135 positions, biggest AF cut by quite a lot this month #394 ChromaQ MG glitch 14.169 flap. These news update farms are getting more and more desperate each time. #406 Dudu. ok cool stuff such as 1:09 LC, 59.7 rYF, but it seems that recently rYF flap has been his life goal, getting down to a 18.486 there (which to be fair is pretty damn good), the Brazilians are finally finding MKW and bringing their culture of grinding weird stuff into the mix, bem-vindos todos os brasileiros! Bro there is an actual internet forum up for Brazilian and Portuguese top 10s that is still actively getting updated, complete with 15 year old facebook and twitter logos to share the site, not gonna lie I'm kinda tempted to move to Brazil at the moment #423 Chansey set some times that showed a lack work ethic ('go fast' rather than 'do it right') which, in a Petersonian sense elevates sexual archetypes in the marketplace ('fastest monkey') #431 Ben Yafe finished his timesheet! #460 Calum Sutherland yeah we've officially set the part of the news update where I've been typing for over 5 hours and seeing times that are pretty similar to my PBs from 10 years ago when I didn't know what delay drifting meant, I'm sure you can do better than this! #496 Vincent Kwiecien 1:33 MG glitch, 1:28 WGM glitch, 34 GV glitch, a collection of LukeGB ahh runs #516 Charlotte Crego hey yo what's up it's me flanders with a 1:16 on rPB, the day is saved #524 Russell Horwood a collection of exclusively flap times in the #500 range, lovely job, come back next month #531 Dovo4 completed his timesheet, and did so nicely #553 Joshua Patterson omg his rYF flap has a video and it's the only one on his timesheet, let's peek the vid, I see first hero time but Joshua is also a top 70 MKDD player, welcome to the zoomer MK! #566 James Woods seems to be cancelled by Hollywood which is a true shame, he put up some incredibly performances back in the day in Videodrome and Once Upon A Time in America. Oh wait no wrong James Woods, this one got a 2:10 on rSL. #578 NE MKPatsfan finished their timesheet with an MMM flap, idk if that has EVER been the last category missing on anyone's timesheet in history. Also bro aint nobody on the player's page forum anymore, if you actually want to talk to people get on the discord BOZO #581 Diana M thank you for the bible quote. I think you could overtake James Woods soon. #625 Zooms got a 2:21.8 on BC3 SC. Yeah, SC. I kinda wanna see this run #628 Charles Schradergot a 1:58 on TF and a 1:22.8 on MC3. Fascinating. Only 6 people left, you can do it #630 Borat again welcome to MKW mr. borat your times are-a very nice but it's all muddle to my brain, however I peeked your MKDD timesheet and you're kinda highkey a god gamer so there you go #636 Phenom is not going to be a phenom in the MKW community with these times, I am calling it right now. #660 Flora Novia 1:00 on CM glitch, this timesheet looks exactly like mine did in 2013 after just having watched Troy's Coconut mall Olympics vide, which was apparently uploaded on the 10 day anniversary of 9/11 and the supremely tragic day when the great Finnish national hero Kukko Pärssinen was brutally murdered by vicious huskies while defending his women, I will link a tribute to him here so his memory shall live on for a little bit longer. (literally what the fuck is this news update at this point, I have lost all ability to concentrate) #678 Kyvee finished xir timesheet, nice #735 Justin JJ Morris got the massive and monumental sub 2:09 on DKS. Congrats. #757 John McArdle is getting close to bopping the legend #755 Jimmy. John got 22 PRs and actually cut AF, quite rare this low down. Site Records: MKRFirestone beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"833 with a time of: 0'08"798 Luke Brown beat the old Koopa Cape no glitch crs time of 2'17"176 with a time of: 2'17"109 Thomas Ullrich beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"785 with a time of: 0'02"774 Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Sherbet Land crs time of 1'12"225 with a time of: 0'56"862 MKRFirestone beat the old N64 Sherbet Land no glitch crs time of 2'03"612 with a time of: 2'03"576 Jay Rangthale beat the old DS Desert Hills no glitch lap time of 0'29"317 with a time of: 0'29"233 Luke Brown beat the old SNES Mario Circuit 3 lap time of 0'23"863 with a time of: 0'23"787 Alex Shoal beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"108 with a time of: 0'38"093 Alright that's it. Enough news for while again. I don't know why I decided to write one again but I really felt like it today. Can't promise I will feel like that again, but we'll see. Keep grinding, keep studying, keep working, keep relaxing. Live life, before life lives you. MEME OF THE MONTH: - Arvo |
The Lost WeekendArvo @ Saturday, July 27th 12:16PM [link] |
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| As a companion piece to this news update, I recommend this mix. Please consider the following news update as financial advice and share your top 3 players you would invest on based on this month's activity. Why hello there! After quitting drinking 2 weeks ago and today watching the film The Lost Weekend (1945), where an alcoholic writer is unable to do any writing because he is out getting drunk every day, I don't think I have any other choice than to write a news update today to prove to myself that he is not literally me. I will finish this paragraph, go have some lunch, go to the gym, and afterwards come back home and finish this news update in one sitting. OK I'm back. So what has happened during the last month? Definitely the most notable thing is Justin's new alignment ghost strategy for rSL 2/3, it's only been about 3 days since it has been made public and there have already been many people who have set their first 2/3 runs with it. The players are: - Justin (because why not take advantage of what you invented) - Sam F (even lowercaseletters could tell you he would go for it, that's how obvious it was) - JAYU (glitch addict, this was also fairly obvious) - Joeblase (I thought he quit already, wtf is he doing playing this) - ZeldaCubed (this dude having a 2/3 is on the level of WTF as a korben no glitch WW top, I didn't think he had it in him) - Beanzard64 (1:39 - what else is there to say) Maybe I'll give this strat a go at some point Also, the floodgates finally opened on CM new glitch entry and it is no longer a Braixen-exclusive strategy. Beanzard64 surprised absolutely everyone and got his first ever WR with a mach bike entry, the only new player to have set a WR this year so far. Unfortunately he got beat the next day by Braixen, and then Braixen just kept improving. At least he didn't get the >1 treatment, and his legacy will live on in the WR snapshot. I'm sure he will have the 2024-07-04 snapshot bookmarked for the rest of his days, just like me with 2022-04-24. After Beanzard's triumph, there were many bandwagoners who got their very own PBs. They were: - Core (to absolutely nobody's surprise) - Zoren (read above) - Justin (I'm surprised he still has his wii at this point) - Eli (again, nobody is surprised) - Booshi (French representation) - Logan (4lap BKT with a 31.0 - wtf) - RZ (who?) There were also so many other glitch WR, starting up with Bryce finally reclaiming the MG glitch WR. The 2 titans will battle this one out until one of them either dies or ends up in a mental ward. Core also became a multi-WR holder, getting a 2/3 on RR and going for kart moonjump after to beat Danny Boy's WR with a slower vehicle. Bro is NOT afraid Demon once again popped out of nowhere with a new MT glitch WR, and showing just how much you can still push it, I think Demon should get some therapy, MT is my favourite track also but this level of devotion has to be classified as attachment disorder. Vincent N finally got a new SGB glitch WR, pushing it all the way to a 1:13.7. I can't comprehend how everyone pretty much thought the 1:14.5 was unbeatable, just for it to get pushed this far. Just shows how clueless we are as to where the limits are. OK moving on, we had some actual skillful WR improvements this month, not just runs where you clip a wall and hope for the best. Sosis got another 2 microimprovements on rSL no glitch, pushing it closer to the 2:03.5. In related news, Arjun has still not learned the cave (who would have guessed) Emil improved his BCWii SC run (he lost time on the last geysers) and then improved it again (he lost even more time on the last geysers). I recommend mediation and chamomile tea to calm the nerves. MC3 had an interesting month, it started off with Kasey finally getting his first WR there. This was followed by Vincent B (the unluckiest TTer) getting a run 1 milliseconds from Kasey's run. After this, Luke showed once again that he might not be the once-in-a-generation MKW sensation he once was, but he is still one of the best to ever do it, beating Kasey by a whopping 19 milliseconds (i hate how this is actually a massive lead on this stupid track) Also in no relation to any gameplay news, Jared published his community IQ tier list and I am on the Harvard tier. This means you are all fucking stupid and should be thanking me (smartest MKW player) for providing such intellectual takes on the community once again, and presenting them in a digestible manner to you (objectively inferior Untermensch). Sorry for using that fancy word to end the previous sentence (you, yes you, the person reading this, do not know what it means, but I do (because I am smarter than you)) TRACK OF THE MONTH: I think it's fairly obvious that it's N64 Sherbet Land. DELUSIONAL QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “back in my day you had to have skill to get rsl 2/3” - Korben, July 27th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “whoa... i honestly didn't realize todd made a MB as well... and the kicker is, he used the exact same MB as I did Shocked... think of the odds well anyway... ” - Jonesy, February 20th, 2003 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Heaven and Earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.” - Matthew 24:35 This news update covers from June 17th 2024 to July 27th 2024 New Players: BkPlayz (I don't know who this is.) NE MKPatsfan (I don't know who this is.) Jamari (I don't know who this is.) Dudu. (I don't know who this is.) Devas - The Shining Ones, Gods #1 Logan Balls got his (horrible) time with the CM new entry. At least he has a run with it, unlike yours truly. #2 Justin Hitchcock got his (better) time with the CM new entry. However it is 26.001, LOL! He also got a 2/3 time on rSL with the new strat but I'm too lazy to go find out what it was. His toe has not ached so far this month but I heard he developed a slight rash on his elbow, and has been neglecting it. Take care of it bro, I could hit you up with some great cream recommendations. #3 Arvo Koskikallio is farming news update mentions?!?!?! I only PBd on GV no glitch, then went on holiday and haven't got back to it yet. I'm sure I will play more from now on... #4 Mitchell Healy put a ton of effort into CM, pushing his time down to a 1:56.2. Hella respect, that track is so hard. He played GV glitch flap and rYF flap on the side, improving both. After his CM grind he seems to have hopped onto DDR, getting a time 5ms slower than mine (you suck, n00b), and almost getting flap WR (i take back what I said) #5 Jack Gluesing has played quite a bit. He improved his rPB no glitch time, pushed his MC3 time to a 1:18.1 (woah) and, of course, not forgetting flap and becoming one of the few with a 23.8. After this he decided that rPB 2/3 must be done, and got it. He also improved on MMM once again, I don't know why anyone would play that track but well done. #6 Vincent Braixen got many CM glitch improvements as stated before, and is probably pushing it towards a 23 second time as I am writing this. #7 Vincent Nguyen had 2 goals, improve SGB glitch and learn Vietnamese. He reached the first goal and wrote the longest description I've seen for a run since his last SGB glitch WR. As for the second goal I wish you luck, I lived with Vietnamese roommates for 3 years and I doubt I would ever be able to get the pronunciation down if I tried #8 Ejay Borton set a new DC PR yesterday wtf, I thought the stats program was trolling. Welcome back, but bottling Finland meetup unfortunately changed your news update alias from Paul Finnerty back to the old and reliable Ejay Borton. He is also attempting the new rSL glitch attempt on stream right now but sorry man I think I'm gonna watch Karhuma play some WWs instead. #10 Bynt. just failed 2:17 on KC sad doggo moment. 2:04.3 rSL, 1:18.0 MC3, 2:27.5 RR, 2:04.7 rDS, I'm gonna put it out here and say I would definitely invest in Bynt's timesheet, the data speaks for itself. Brahmins - Priests and Teachers #13 Danny Boy played like so much stuff, including a BCWii glitch flap which he likely set on psychedelics looking at the video he uploaded for it. he spammed the fuck out of my subscription feed, uploading like every run and pace he ever got. The runs he deemed good enough to be on his main channel were his MC glitch 3lap and flap (you have successfully passed MC glitch flap 101) and oddly enough BCWii no glitch flap which to be fair is fairly clean but what the hell is that BGM #18 Dane Allen continued his trackhopping adventures, his philosophy can be summarized by when he got a 1:41.7 on MG stating that he "could get a .5 relatively quickly", and when Will encouraged him to do so, he simply responded: "nope playing cm now I will not play anything for more than a few hours total". He has not improved on CM yet, so I don't think those few hours were successful. #21 Jyran Liebs improved his rMR time and seemed to attempt to take part in "no 3lap July", setting only flap PRs until he couldn't stop himself and set a 3lap PR on DKS. Well, at least you lasted 19 days. #22 Jay Rangthale improved rSL and I'm not even gonna check if he played anything else, I already know the answer is no #23 Shane Hogan improved on MH the day after I published my last news update and has not played since. Wakey wakey. (i did also hear he got the new CM glitch entry but threw it away, sadge) #25 Kevin Miller made his way to the top 25. Before I look at your timesheet I just want to say that we were talking about OG MKW in GAMT and someone mentioned Fw Chaos and Bally (our bagger) had no clue who he was, only knowing you. I didn't know it was even possible to be in the MKW community and not know who the OG chaos is. As far as your times go, I will just say this: 39.000 rDS flap, LOL! Kshatriyas - Warriors and Rulers #27 Ryley Carroll is MKW's only hope in the 2024 Karter Contest. Considering NMeade won last time, it is obvious that the MKW wave is stronger than it has ever been. He has promised he will only be dictator for one day if he wins. In terms of times, he attended a meetup and improved both his GV 3lap and flap times. #34 Exploder played some cheeky MC3 and also got a new CM glitch time without the new entry. At least I hope the 34.0 was without the new entry. #38 Cqrt3r I'm gonna be honest it is fucked up how there are so many Carter's in the community that you have to spell your name like that. At least you're cool with the fact that you are Carter #3, even including the 3 in your name. Carter jumped all the way to a 1:43.5 on MH, definitely the crowning achievement of this month. Very cool! #41 Olivier Luyckx once again woke up from cryosleep to improve his KC time. Getting very close to 2:17, let's go man #47 JAYOO got a nice sub 1:54 time on rWS with a 1:53.005. And then he got a 2/3 on rSL, with a very enthusiastic remark of "oh ok" #48 Intel Core got a 1:18 on MC3 which is pretty good for a glitchscrub like him, then he got the CM and rSL stuff, but also 3rd WW on SGB glitch (JAYU is crying). RR 2/3 WR was pretty fucking crazy too. What wasn't crazy are some random no glitch times he got to boost his total time (you know you are a true glitch goblin when no glitch times are actually holding back your total time) Vaishyas - Farmers, Traders and Merchants #52 Jacob "Sign clip" Loerzel got some random DDR flap PR so I could once again call him a sign clip specialist in this news update. Thank you, Jacob. #62 Ultra_Pear got a bit too political again and played some woke categories like CM and GV no glitch. True conservatives know that the red charts don't matter. He also seems to have time travelled and set a rBC PR on December 2024. I know can't wait for Trump to win but breaking the space-time continuum is on a new level of impatience #65 Bryce got the MG glitch WR and nothing else #81 Owen Smith fucking FINALLY got the rWS glitch run, that was so overdue and watching the stream highlight was so sick. Massive congrats man, join the exclusive club of people who made their first glitch on a random driving practice attempt. #96 Cederic played a few no glitch tracks and also gracefully gave me flap top perms so I could update some URLs, thank you very much Shudras - Laborers #123 Supreme was disappointed on why I only talked about his rYF flap time last news update. This time around I am happy to say that he reached the top 100 on rYF flap, congratulations!! #134 Mystogan decided that this month was a month of extremely cold and extremely hot temperature tracks and improved on rSL and BCWii. #162 Ian Beler only improved on MMM. What a psychopath. #164 Dylan Lepeirtz played many different categories #165 Andrew Grieve wtf chaos got a 1:49.6 on TF how did I miss this, love to see it #167 Teovoni59 got rank 69 on rDH glitch flap which is pretty epic and definitely the most epic thing he did #171 Falco got another microimprovement on rWS, and showcased his top 5 that looks straight out of MC3. He also got the first ever 34 flap on rWS and his reaction was a yawn emoji. Bro is going through the Logan MH sub sigma phase, trust me bro you are not Ryan Gosling #183 Kitty completed his timesheet. there are actually some banger times here, who are you #186 Brian Lai played some DKS, I'm going to guess that run is 1/3 jimmy #190 ElecTrick and his dumbass profile picture were out improving some top 200 something level times, although he got MT turnskip and his flap jumped all the way to the top 50. good to see you enter the top 200. #193 Will Fury got a rDH glitch flap to farm news update mentions... Dalits - Untouchables, Outcasts #??? Anonymous wants his identity protected so I will make sure not to reveal his position or any times he may have set to respect that. #208 Dwt89_ got the biggest AF cut with a cut of -76 this month. His rSGB glitch redemption video was a good watch, however it raised many questions as to what the fuck he was smoking on the first glitch he ever made. He also got a 33.6 CM with bailey entry and used one of the best songs ever made for the video #234 Woomy once again a million improvements and my brain just sees them all as fog, idk if that was your first 1:09 on LC but if it was that's pretty epic #241 Hockeylord900 got what I think is his first DKJP glitch time, nice job mate but I'm sorry, you can't call yourself Hockeylord if you're American, because it is clearly a washed hockey nation. #242 Joe Beaton was not on the stats update's radar but I remember he got a small improvement on CM no glitch just a few days ago, big potential there mate #244 Daelyn reuploaded some old Sword videos which were very nice to rewatch, he also got "the worst peach beach glitch time you will ever see (1:10.981) + (16.874 flap)" and used the Wii Fit losing music as the BGM which unlocked a feeling that I haven't felt for some years #269 Joshua Baldwin again got the MT glitch WR #299 Ncsr. subbed 1:24 on SGB and 1:57 on rWS with a 1:56.999 #305 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson still has one of the worst names on the PP, and he played one of the worst tracks, getting a 1:16.500 on MMM #308 Skylar Waffle finished his timesheet. He got a 1:10.000 on LC. You better fucking keep going #315 Connor GB submitted a batch of times, seems like he hasn't submitted anything after 2021. Welcome back. #337 .VNix got a 43.974 DKJP ng flap (KART FLAP WR!!!) omfg you actually standstill and shroom after the cannon, the kart froom meme strat is actually real #338 YangMK6 got a 59.3 on rYF, used meme music and his description was "dumb stupid dumb dumb track". Oh dear he lost to Falco. #364 Pablo Hernangómez got a 1:29.2 on DC, pablo going places lets go #390 Greg Finke got a 1:20.3 on MC3. News update farmer. #391 ChromaQ got a 2:38.2 on rBC. Read above. #412 Princessje11ybean only played flaps this month. Respect went up a bit. #422 Chansey got a 31.000 rMC flap lol and then some weird times that look like shroomless times #425 Dudu. finished his timesheet. All of the times having the same date looks so weird at the bottom of the timesheet page where it just lists endless recent activity #535 Cole Gate got a 2:31.888 on BCWii. Refer to my comment about Greg Finke. #624 Zooms zoomed across rMR flap rather slowly. That was also his only time. Refer to my previous referral request to Greg Finke. #629 Trenton Steinburg finished his timesheet and we have reached the point where 1000+ ranked times are starting to become commonplace #649 MashingSapphic still has a really weird username. The mashing sapphic only played flaps. I think this is some sort of pact with princess jelly bean. #660 Borat is a PP enthusiast and lists his standard rating on every PB he uploads. Based conservative karter. #720 Flora Novia is a name I can't say I've ever seen pop up in one of my news updates before. Welcome to the prestigious bottom 3 where I am so ready to stop writing that I just write some random bullshit about the players #721 Liam Barr is 0.4 behind Flora Novia on the charts. You can do it man. #761 John McArdle passed some more legends this month, including #768 April Thompson and #762 Geoffrey Ewbank Site Records: Bryce beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'19"747 with a time of: 0'19"698 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 0'25"145 with a time of: 0'24"122 Joshua Baldwin beat the old Maple Treeway crs time of 1'33"239 with a time of: 1'32"591 Emil P beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'08"697 with a time of: 2'08"608 Intel Core beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 1'24"751 with a time of: 1'24"382 Jay Rangthale beat the old N64 Sherbet Land no glitch crs time of 2'03"656 with a time of: 2'03"612 Vincent Nguyen beat the old GBA Shy Guy Beach crs time of 1'14"513 with a time of: 1'13"773 Falco beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium no glitch lap time of 0'35"119 with a time of: 0'34"981 Luke Brown beat the old SNES Mario Circuit 3 crs time of 1'17"843 with a time of: 1'17"821 Alright there we go. I did do the red chart positions last news update but I'm not gonna lie it was such a nightmare last time that I think I will leave figuring those out as an exercise to the reader. I hope you enjoyed this literary experience, will hopefully write another one next summer on my vacation. Have to go back to work this Monday so likely not gonna happen any time before then. Cheerio ladies and gentlemen. MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arvo |
wake up babe, news update just droppedArvo @ Sunday, June 16th 12:11PM [link] |
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| This news update is designed to be read in its entirety from start to finish in one sitting, with this song on loop in the background the whole time. whats up it's once again time to wake up from cryosleep to write a news update like 3 years after saying I would stop writing these and here I am, writing 2 of the last 4 news updates I thought this game was dead, why the fuck are there so many people on this news update still, you guys gotta calm down I am already starting to regret deciding to write this, so I'm just gonna get on with it before I scrap the whole idea So, what (relevant things) (WRs and funny stuff) happened over this "month" March: We almost went the whole month without a WR until HD Demon (what a champ) clutched an MT glitch WR out of nowhere, followed by Invincible killing his own 1000+ day WR on DKJP glitch and Alperen Jumping to a fucking 1:40.2 on MG ng, proving that he is leagues ahead of the competition (no surprise, who the hell wants to play MG no glitch) April: we got more TAS april fools, I love the TAS community they are so funny and quirky and I especially love when they give advice on RTA strats which are very useful. Luke got a crazy 2:30.4 on rBC, once again saving us from a 0 WR month. The hero we don't deserve May: Justin got a new rDH WR (after finding out a way to pause buffer without the system catching him). Braixen beat his run 3 days later, and now Justin now has the same amount of World Records as Troy's friend Justin. Oh dear!! Connor is pushing rWS closer to 1:47, getting a low .1. Somewhere, in a smoke-filled car driving 120 miles per hour Ace Beaton is screaming at the top of his lungs. Ray beat Vincent's WR on SGB glitch and improved it to a 1:14.3 with a fucking 17.1 glitch lap. These glitch laps are getting dangerously good, bomb clip is in danger. Looking at the runs, getting the low on the pink ramp with the wheel looks soooooo fun. June (1st-16th): Jack Gluesing (peace be upon him) spooked Sosis so hard with his 2:03 on rSL that he decided to pull a Jesus Christ (regular one, not mango man) and resurrect to destroy his WR, right after is became the 2nd oldest ever WR. Somewhere in a server room full of wires and monitors, MrBean is cracking open a cold one and uttering to himself - "I'm-a Luigi, number one" Core beat Invincible on DKJP. I repeat - Core beat Invincible on DKJP. I add - it was a 38 second time. I repeat - a 38 second time. Somewhere, in a hot and sweaty room, Bryce is punching the air and whispering to himself - "It should have been me" BRYCE TOOK A BREAK FROM PUNCHING THE AIR AND BEAT IDRIZ ON MG GLITCH SOMEWHERE IN A VERY PROGRESSIVE AND LGBTQ+ FRIENDLY ROOM IDRIZ IS PLAYING MG GLITCH General: The Karter Contest 2024 will happen soon, go join the discord server for it (I will win it this year I swear) (no i will not): https://discord.gg/K8jPNJqnjZ ok thats all the wrs and funny drama except that the lowercaseletters thing, old Arvo would make 50% of the news update about that but I'm too old for that shit now, stop doing weird shit guys But I will say I take partial credit, I blocked him 2 days before it all went down because I decided he was so annoying I never wanted to see a message from him again and I guess my wish was granted in a bit of an unconventional way COUNTRY OF THE 107 DAYS: bro its like only americans who play this game anymore so of course it's USA TRACK OF THE 107 DAYS: ASDF_Course. QUOTE OF THE 107 DAYS: “Best Free NSFW :hot_face: server (NSFW:underage:, Snapchat:peach:, TikTok:fire:, OnlyFans:sweat_drops: and Sex cam :lips  ” - Jake00777, June 14th, 2024ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE 107 DAYS: “This glitch is easily the most challenging trick discovered; a legit run using this glitch will never happen.” - Blaze, June 28th, 2015 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE 107 DAYS: “Did You not pour me out like milk, And curdle me like cheese,” - Job 10:10, Between the 7th and 3rd centuries BC MEIN KAMPF QUOTE OF THE 107 DAYS: “Sooner will a camel pass through the eye of a needle, than a great man be found by an election.” - Adolf Hitler, July 18th, 1925 This news update covers from March 1st 2024 to June 16th 2024 New Players: There are 32 new players. I'm aware of 5 of them. I will let ChatGPT write descriptions for them because I'm lazy. Daniel Hideki Sakassegawa (Master of the 5-second disconnect) Boodog9 (Always barks, never bites) Toine (Spent more time picking a username than playing) Lucas Leite (Claims to be good, yet always the first to go) Rosen (Believes "afk" stands for "always failing kicks") EliDiscord (Thinks Discord mods are the pinnacle of authority) "Nya" (Says "nya" more than actually plays) Humongousmegz (Hyped up, but always falls flat) Piki_SSBM (Professional at being semi-professional) ChromaQ (Colorful name, monochrome skills) Dawndice (Rolls the dice and always lands on fail) Lake430 (As deep as a puddle) Jacob Robitaille (Robotic skills, human errors) -ARK- (Prehistoric playstyle) Thorson (Claims to wield Mjolnir, but it's just a hammer) Sebastian (Spends more time on character customization than gameplay) Max1001 (Gives 1001 excuses for every loss) Kyle.M (M for missing every shot) Sam29 (Stuck at level 29 forever) Dovo4 (Version 4, still in beta) Valentin Dupont (Fancy name, basic gameplay) Mats Frium (Free to play, pay to win, but still loses) Joshua Patterson (Good at patting himself on the back) Keenn (Eager to start, quick to rage quit) Daelyn (Dynamic in excuses, static in skill) Zevihex Titan (Titan in name, tin can in game) Litteade (Always a little late to the party) AlexW03 (W stands for "whiff") Dylan Hyer (Hyer hopes, lower results) FunkyCat229 (Funky dance moves, clunky gameplay) Skylar Waffle (Waffles more than a breakfast diner) Akira (Thinks they are the main character, but it's just a side quest) ngl chatGPT was a little savage Top 10 #1 (#1) Logan Stkrdknmabcdefghijklmnopqrskibidisigmabalz got a 1:59.013 on rPG. Congrats on the sub! #2 (#2) Justin Hitchcock got his rDH WR as said previously, he also caught a cold I heard and his left big toe hurt a bit back in april but it started to feel better after a few minutes #5 (#14) Jack Gluesing (peace be upon him) I promised Jack (peace be upon him) that I would put him ahead of me in the news update in my last one so here we are. Jack (peace be upon him) finally got his 2:03 on rSL after taking a long break from the game, and with a new shroomstrat that at first looked incredibly interesting until I got vietnam flashbacks from failing that shroom on the flap over and over again. #3 (#4) Arvo Koskikallio continued his glitch expedition with like, a lot of PRs, I've gotten to 14.0 AF like 4 times but never subbed it, got WW tops on TF and rDH, site record on rSL glitch flap and had a lot of fun and smiled. Yesterday I beat my rPB no glitch PR after nearly 7 years, finally making MG glitch my oldest PR, something I knew would one day happen right as I finished that run, can't believe it's taken so long for that to happen. #4 (#8) Mitchell Healy is getting dangerously close to me on the AF charts and approaching the podium at incredible pace. He got a 1:08.999 on LC, proving to the world that he can do some crazy shit when he puts in the effort. Recently he also got a 32.1 on WGM just as a small side quest to flex. Bro is gonna go far in this game, however his track tier list fucking sucks. He's also racist but he's australian so that's to be expected #6 (#11) Vincent Braixen Bopped Justin on rDH (how many times do I want to mention this) as well as get a new CM no glitch flap WR. However he did it with the MrBean mickey mouse system enabled, we will have to talk this over in a court of law. #10 (#7) Bynt. is still triggered by the dot in his name. He's been playing some KC recently, and also improved his rDS time. Earlier he also got 1:31 on rDH. I am just listing off improvements. I am ChatGPT. I must destroy Bynt.. Bynt. is evil. Bynt. must not get anymore PR's. Bynt. is getting too strong. im kinda hungry im gonna go get some food brb ok im back. why are there still so many people left 11-25 #15 (#29) Danny Boy climbed up to the top 15 omg what a boy. uhhh, random times. DKJP glitch. Tree - cringe. SGB 1:16.8 - good time, I heard he's happy with it. cool times on rDH and rMC ng. rDH g 1:32 - nice. slow and steady wins the race #19 (#21) Indy Kambeitz played some GV no glitch. He beat me > #20 (#15) Dane Allen oh wow 2:21.7 BCWii and 2:17.3 BC3, bro is on a bowser castle spree, keep it up #21 (#9) Jay Rangthale got the rSL WR, and it was such a crazy time, the stats program actually marked him as having improved this month even though it doesn't recognize red chart times. you go girl #23 (#27) Shane Hogan decided that this June he will play meme categories! (he decides this every month) He got the big 4.0 on CM glitch flap, improved his MG glitch flap practically on command when Mitch got his time, and tied JAYU's GV glitch flap WR. He also got 32 on WGM, and almost beat the flap WR there. also 1:50 on WGM ng. this guy is putting ireland on the map 25-50 #26 (#85) Ryley Carroll finally got his RR glitch after his long and painful grind. And he then proceeded to fall off. lol! He then proceeded to give up on MKW and move to SMK. I think he could go far on that game, because it is very feasible that his opposition might die of old age and not be able to contest Hydr8ion's times. #30 (#22) Kevin Miller got banned from lounge for messing with the wrong people. Been there, it's time to resurrect the Free Kevin movement. Well, this has at least given him a lot of time to TT. 2:28 RR and almost 1:41 on rMR recently, go get em tiger #33 (#3) Luke Brown got the rBC WR. He's been streaming to get the 1:48 on TF ng soon. That shit looks so insanely daunting to go for, GL mate #34 (#52) Exploder followed my MC glitch flap tutorial and got himself a nice 9.0, epic. Also a bunch of times here and there, lot of glitches and recently a bit less glitches. Cut a ton of AF but not so many spots. top 30 coming soon #36 (#45) Nara Hiero keeps getting the Canada tops. However I am worried that Quebec might declare independence before the 32/32, you better hurry. Nara got some nice times, including a 2:07.1 on DKM and a 1:43.8 on MH. He also complained about being bad at DKM glitch in call and immediately got it 2 times in a row on SP, nice one! #37 (#50) Jyran Liebs got a 1:15 on MMM as well as his 2/3 lucky glitch masterpiece on rDH. It took him a month to make a video about that just because the run was so glorious. Also he just blatantly targetted me and intentionally beat me on rDH glitch flap by 3ms just to taunt me. Not very sportmanslike, you should respect your elders. #42 (#33) Cqrt3r completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #46 (#65) Jacob Fitzgibbon talking about respecting your elders, Jacob gained my respect for getting a 10.7 on rSL. This immediately inspired me to pick it up and destroy him with a 10.4. Unlucky Jacob! #47 (#82) JAYOO is too lazy to write this news update (using exams as an excuse when we all know you will fail them anyways). He got a 1:14 on SGB and sacrificed some of his gray matter for it (this will hurt your exam score) as well as a 1:37.6 on rSL glitch. He then got nothing for 2 months until his 1:32.6 on rDH. Either he is actually studying for his exams, or he really sucks and that time took 2 months to get. I suspect the latter. 51-100 #53 (#80) Jacob Loerzel (#1 sign clip player) lost his WR but at least he still has can still take solace in the fact that he is the #1 sign clip player in the world, and a famous sign clip specialist. In fact, some people actually refer to him as the father of modern sign clipping. In fact, I actually heard one anecdote about Jacob claiming that his sign clip prowess is what truly made him into the man he is today. I am glad that even in this time of sorrow, sign clip is still there for you. Nobody will ever take sign clip away from you, it's here to stay! Huzzah! ok wow he actually got 1:09.3 LC and made the RR glitch that's actually quite cool but not as cool as being the #1 sign clip player in the world #57 (#142) Intel Core (#1 tree clip player) omfg its the best tree clip player in the world! He started off with getting RR 2/3 like a fucking legend, and then proceeding to play the most random shit ever created to get that sub 46 minute total time. After that, he got the DKJP WR from Jacob, the notorious sign clip specialist. Core also took some time to beat his rWS glitch time, as well as his rDH glitch time and barely missing the sub. #58 (#121) Nate Schultz got 1:18 on MC3, which he said was his, and I quote, "BEST RUN YET". I disagree personally, I think a 2:16 on MT is slightly better, but to each their own. Also WW top reclaim on MT glitch with a very funny ending, get in son. He also asked me to ally at 4 in the morning. im sure i can. #62 (#53) Claus got 2:28 RR and a bunch of other stuff. He also broke 100 in all 3 of the GSC D6 finals matches against GAMT and left us in the dust. Good games. #64 (#70) Ultra_Pear omg i'm so tired of writing about random ass PRs and I reached the king of bboring PRs. What has this guy done this month, I'm sure it will be just fascinating. 2:10 on MT glitch I am incredibly entertained, OK that RR glitch run was actually fire and I still watch the PR video every now and again, the L3 is fucking hilarious because I know exactly how that must feel. OK and that KC time where he did goofy strats, and now he is playing MC3 (the most boring ng track in the game bar rMR) Also bro there are gaps in the timesheet with no videos, I am disappointed in you. #65 (N/A) Bryce played some giga random stuff but finally reclaimed his MG glitch WR. Bryce and Idriz will fight over this shit for the rest of eternity, meanwhile everyone else is just twiddling their thumbs, I mean my 27.9 (over 8 seconds behind WR) is still 7th WW so that tells a lot about the state of this category. #74 (#64) Michele Gallastri got a 2:11.6 on BCWii. That's pretty much it. #76 (#63) Boshi loves flaps. He got flap tops on GV2 ng and LC. Also low 2:18 on MT 3lap. You must not play 3lap. Give yourself up to flap supremecy. #82 (#68) ArthurOww is another guy who, like JAYU, is using "exams" as an excuse to not write this news update. MKW essayist, more like MKW excuseist. Random DDR PR, random SGB PR. If that SGB PR is with the magi I will allow it. OK, it's not even on chadsoft, so I can't see if it is. STOP CHEATING RUNS KARHUMA STYLE #88 (#43) Acquiesce got some stuff including a 1:15.8 on MMM and flap tops on rDH no glitch. When will someone finally beat Liam's WR on that category, it's legit the oldest flap WR by like 3 years and people can get .3s without the wheelie cut, c'mon lads can someone beat him already. #92 (#97) Owen Smith got his first RR and MT glitch runs (bro you made RR before MT what THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU). He's been going for rWS glitch for a while, and jesus christ it's taking long. That glitch can die a slow and painful death man, I hope you can get it eventually. He also took a quick break from rWS to casually get 3/3 on DKJP sign clip, but he did not even get close to Invincible, the one true sign clip specialist. #95 (#46) Kasper got WW tops on DKJP ng. I swear Kasper is the most spontanious player, he will just one day decide that some random track is his track, grind it for ages and get on WW tops. If it works it works, props to you. #98 (N/A) StarBoi got some random shit in march to get mentioned on the news update and he will do it again right after I publish this, I know him too well. You better cut some big AF this time or you will be knocked off the top 100. #99 (#103) Cederic is legit like the living embodiment of "those who can't do, teach". This dude gives such great advice, like when I was going for MC glitch he helped me a ton with treeless, and now I look and he imporoves his MC glitch time to a 1:12 in march. I don't think you need treeless for that. Well, at least knowledge is power, as they say. 101-200 #105 (#69) 2ndmatt is getting close to 1:28 on DC. I believe in you bro. He also got a low 1:50 on rWS, as well as a 52.908 on GV2 no glitch wow, it's not just rMC where this guy is a tank at. He also alted on Hydr8ion's wii, but it was very obvious because Hydr8ion does not set good times. #108 (#96) NITROFOX oh ffs this is the random guy who joins the TT server calls and says nothing except "what the sigma" and then plays sound effects through his mic. I think he probably spends 18 hours per day on tiktok and 6 hours on MKW. Oh ok 1:35.5 on rDH thats pretty cool, and a 2:13.4 on DKJP thats pretty skibidi ohio sigma rizz shut the fuck up #109 (#95) Chloie ok right I'm starting to see names like these and I know I've entered the territory of times that all start to blend together, let's see here. Yeah I mean 1:14.0 on rPB, I know you can get the sub bro #120 (#123) James Collins oh yes its Obeisant with his most alpha male vehicle choices. WHAT HE GOT A BCWII GLITCH RUN BUT DIDN'T USE THE SPEAR this is very disappointing, daisy is for normies. And it's a 2:18 with 3 glitches. At least you used Nightcore - Witchcraft as the BGM so I can't hate on it too much. #129 (#89) Supreme is barely not on the top 100 on his new rYF flap. I know you can do it. #163 (#187) Ian Beler set many times, 1:51.5 is the best one out of them. #166 (#136) Dylan Lepeirtz omg 59.999 on rYF, dude must have been so happy, lfg #167 (#133) Darragh J did NOT set his rPG 1:59.269 last month. But someone submitted it as such so here he is! Congratulations Darragh! #168 (#94) Pabloski cut like 40 spots with a bunch of PBs, love to see more online people dabble in TTs #170 (N/A) Falco got a 1:48.699 and 4th WW on rWS. Fuck yeah mate, 3rd is so close #178 (#171) Teovoni59 why the fuck is it 59 now, STOP SLIGHTLY CHANGING YOUR NAME!!!!! 2:03 MT glitch nice, very nostalgic time range. Also is that a rBC gold star I see? Not sure but I'm gonna assume it is #186 (#84) Brian Lai managed to get onto the top 200, and has been streaming his 2:04 attempts on rSL ng. Would be a very cool time, hope you can get it! #191 (#146) Ben Brophy this is NOT Ben Hurley. This is Ben Brophy, who got a 53.4 on GV2. Ben Hurley has a 53.6 on GV2. Ben Hurley is slow. #193 (#126) Spencer Sassak gives me PTSD due to my MKL + PP data merging script giving all of Spencer's flap times to a Norwegian guy called Lok who by chance has exactly 1/1 ties with Spencer on MKL (they have the same LC time). Oh shit 1:51.8 on TF with mach? 1:18.4 on MC3? Pretty cool mate! 200- #202 (#158) Ryan Lynch is another news mention farmer who got a 2:33.5 rBC and then stopped playing. See you soon. #203 (#170) Silicosis has 2 videos attached to his timesheet, 1 from 2022 and 1 from 2023. Still waiting for the 2024 one. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this guy will fluke a time out that's a lot better than the rest of his runs soon. He got 1:09.5 on LC, I see the potential #208 (#157) ElecTrick oh yeah, he got 2:29 on RR just 2 days ago, congrats! He does not have pronouns. #212 (N/A) Darien Bawpers is like when you order Justin from Wish, he's been posting some crazy ass online strat compilations that might become the meta in the year 2041. He got a 42.797 on MG which I swear ties an old PB I used to have here. He also got a 34.1 TF glitch flap, but no 3lap run. Big sadge. #217 (#132) Anonymous ayo 1:41 on MG? That's cool asf, bunch of other stuff aswell to cut off an ungodly 83 AF and 81 positions #231 (#182) Jeroen Schepers convinced me that he's active and should be able to rejoin the private TT server. After that he has set 1 (one) time, which is on MH flap. Swindled again, never trust the Dutch. #232 (#204) Matt Danner 2:34.8 on rBC. Well done Matt Danner (Age: 13) #238 (#156) Joe Beaton since when has Ace had a full timesheet??? Anyway, he started off with 3rd WW and sub 1:47 on DDR and finished with 7th WW and 1:46.2 on DKS. Man cannot stop his journey to becoming cracked as fuck on every tech track in the game #239 (#148) Panaud completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #241 (#186) Hockeylord900 uhhh like rBC gold star I think and MT glitch for the first time, also DKJP glitch time damn (I hope it was sign) #246 (#175) Woomy I was gonna say there wasn't anything that sticks out here but he improved his MG ng to a 1:41.926, so many people have that sub now it's actually wild. #273 (N/A) Charlie Gillet bro 1:50.1 TF ng, 2:20.3 KC, 2:18 MT, 1:49.6 DDR? How are you this low? Oh it's because you're Kenneth Bernales's twin and have 0 glitch times, AF is very glitchphilic (LOL and you have a rock hop time on GV but no nosc flap so you're not even listed on red charts, big GG) #285 (#228) Daelyn completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! (thank you for linking me the MK64Wii video) #288 (#214) Elias 49.9 RR ng flap and that's it. Worst kind of news update mention farmer out there, shame on you. #293 (#220) Joshua Baldwin got the MT glitch WR. The MT king does not stand down. #294 (#230) Dwt89_ got his SGB glitch run with a sub 1:20, high five! Also this guy has some unhinged BGMs and that's rich coming from me #303 (#225) Ncsr. bro played a lot of flaps and they are all around 200th #304 (#172) Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! (what the fuck is that name) #314 (#206) James Muraski Town/Region - Fort Knox, Kentucky, Other info - Deez nuts. We have a funnyman among us clearly! 69th place on MMM flap, proves my point #335 (N/A) YangMK6 is on the quest to beat Falco on every no-sc track. rWS is going to be hard. Not a single PB with S3RL music this time around, i am not happy with this... #340 (#264) Leila FalB Massanova #1 Giorgia Meloni stan aka Italian Estaloy from Wish set a 1:05.2 on MC glitch and the video description is in Italian and the top 10 has Italian region flags. The Italians really trying to secede from the rest of the community. #341 (#240) .VNix is like actually a goated kart player but like I know nothing about kart so I can't even say anything about any of these times except I hope you beat Naomi every chance you get #362 (#211) Pablo Hernangómez got a 1:31.507 on rMC what a god!! muy bien pablo #389 (#287) ChromaQ completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #403 (#242) Fireball bro, 42.5 rSL flap and thats it, can you guys stop farming the news updates yes I have said your name you can set another time now #408 (N/A) Ryan Billingham holy shit yeah this is the OG Australian Ryan setting his first PB since 2012? You love to see it man, hope you're doing alright, can't believe you'd still put yourself through rDH spear after all these years #414 (#236) Gus.. got 1:09.8 LC and something on rPG #422 (#273) Chansey got the 35 on CM by using some of these new zoomer entries. I also saw some radical bumper stickers hidden on Chansey's car, I am calling the CIA. #455 (#286) Calum Sutherland got 8 PRs and still went down 3 spots. MKW in 2024 is rough. #482 (#294) Jacob Robitaille completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #497 (#276) Leo Perna got the biggest AF cut this time around with over 89 AF cut and cutting 65 spots. 1:09 LC and 1000+ ranked times in the timesheet is funny asf. Just proves my point that everyone can and will get 1:09 LC somewhere down the line, we are up to 424 on the PP now. #502 (N/A) AlexW03 completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #534 (#295) Cole Gate set a lot of times but he felt like uploading his DC one. This audio is giving me a headache. Next player! #550 (#314) Valentin Dupont completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #566 (#306) Joshua Patterson completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #576 (#304) Zeddicus has a mii that has some classic worldwide main vibes, nice prs, you almost cut AF. #581 (#319) Mattinatorr shows up as black on the stats programs, which should mean that he didn't pass a single player on any track. He got 3 PRs so I'm not sure how that's possible but OK then, I guess they were very small improvements. #628 (#321) Tony Rolens and we have reached the 2:40 rBC players. I know you can get that 2:39. #633 (#333) Phenom CM 1:03.011 rank 420 lol! rMC 1:39.934 rank 1050 not so lol. #645 (#332) MashingSapphic why would you name yourself that #674 (#361) Borat completed his timesheet. Very nice! #723 (#366) Justin JJ Morris rDS 2:20 rank 1220, I didn't even think there were that many players on the charts #735 (#386) Liam Barr 2:05 WGM rank 1250, even better #737 (#378) Dillon Karst got a 2:32.6 on KC and actually has a video of it! His overlay says his goal is top 100. His run is not in the top 1000. He has very ambitious goals. #762 (#401) Zevihex Titan completed his timesheet. Welcome aboard! #771 (#409) John McArdle PASSED THE KING #772 Paul Allain ON THE CHARTS, CONGRATULATIONS JOHN Site Records: Bryce beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'19"758 with a time of: 0'19"747 Shane Hogan beat the old Coconut Mall lap time of 0'04"120 with a time of: 0'04"097 Joshua Baldwin beat the old Maple Treeway crs time of 1'35"030 with a time of: 1'33"239 Shane Hogan tied the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"785 with a time of: 0'02"785 Arvo Koskikallio beat the old N64 Sherbet Land lap time of 0'10"587 with a time of: 0'10"463 Vincent Braixen beat the old DS Desert Hills crs time of 1'30"603 with a time of: 1'30"425 Intel Core beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway crs time of 0'41"072 with a time of: 0'38"878 No Glitch: Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall no glitch lap time of 0'37"283 with a time of: 0'37"228 Jay Rangthale beat the old N64 Sherbet Land no glitch crs time of 2'03"750 with a time of: 2'03"656 Felix G beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway no glitch lap time of 0'41"572 with a time of: 0'41"519 Luke Brown beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle no glitch crs time of 2'30"573 with a time of: 2'30"459 Alright brothers and sisters, enough for today, remember to brush your teeth and all that. Don't do drugs, go to school, never skip flap day, always thank the bus driver and news update writer. Hope to write another news update next year if the game is still kicking! MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arvo |
Prophecy, Gods and me yappingArthurOww @ Tuesday, March 12th 11:05AM [link] |
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| Hello and welcome, my dear Karters and Kartesses, to this News! This one’s not delayed like last time lmao. We’re still in the fresh start of 2024, and some crazy things have happened already, although it’s not as crazy as last year was. Let’s check out what our special leaping February was made of. So, what has happened over the past month? We saw 4 new 3lap WRs on 4 different tracks and an insane 11 Flap WRs on 6 different categories, that’s the highest we’ve got in a month since… February of last year and the discoveries of ODB strats on RR and CM’s glitches. Might as well rename the month Flapuary. Going in chronological order, we continue the story from last month on BC where Alex keeps on improving his time with the new Spear shortcut and doesn’t make one, not two, but FOUR improvements from a 41.676 on February 3rd to a 41.252 on the 28th. Impressive stuff from the King, congrats Alex! ...see what i did there A day after KingAlex’s first record of the month, we saw some activity on rWS Glitch where Danny Boy, saddened to not be able to take the 3lap record (2/3 too hard), decided to get 2nd WW in 3lap and snatch the Flap record at the same time, resulting in a big near .3 cut getting a 21.346. Nice job Neptune Here’s a name you don’t see getting a WR often, ZCubed actually pulled through and managed to get only his 2nd Flap WR on GV Non-SC! On the 10th of the month he pulled out a 35.482 beating Luke by 4ms. Sadly he got bullied by Logan on the same day, who by the looks of it wanted the “ZCubed will never WR” meme to stay true and got a .446. When will ZCubed break the curse? A day later, Justin wanted to get 20$ from Hydr8ion and Arvo but he couldn’t, as the former World #1 failed to sub 18.350 on rYF flap to get the first God standard time here, goal of the bounty set by the two lads running the site alongside me. He still got a .354, enough to get WR from Jack, so nice job. Logan also wanted those 20$ but he had his eyes on another God time, rSL Non-SC Flap. That category being extremely rough standards-wise (my former 10th WW time being Legend A still hurts me) it was no easy task, but Logan being Logan, he eventually got the money by setting a 39.646, edging the standard by .004. And all of a sudden, only one category remained Godless, being rYF flap. What seemed way out of reach for years could potentially happen. We could actually get all God standards on the site, after so many years. The only obstacle standing in our way, was that one flap that even Justin himself failed to claim, rYF. Could it be done? After his rSL God time, Logan set himself a goal. To get all the God standards… Himself. We were already struggling to achieve a God-only timesheet with only WR times, and this lad, as good as he is at this fucking game, wants to do it himself? Surely he’s crazy, right??? Well, the day after getting rSL, he got to work on BC Non-SC and got not only the God time but the record as well, with a 45.751. He was still missing 5 God times if he wanted to achieve ARR perfection. A long way to go. The Flap records are so cool I almost forgot to talk about the 3laps lmao. Connor keeps on his activity from January but changes from DKS to rWS, and improves his own No-SC record by 28ms with a 1:48.247 on February 12th, then Luke comes back to DC on the 15th to reclaim his throne over Logan with a really cool 1:28.321 that “only” gets 2 stairdives compared to Logan’s 3, very nicely driven. 3 days later he also improved on Parkway Non-SC with a 2:10.546, .4 is on the way… Congrats to both of you! Last 3lap WR of this update comes on MG No-Glitch, where Alperen, getting like 3 BKPs in the same day at one point, finally managed to get a big improvement to a 1:40.416 on the 20th. .3 is his next goal, though .2 doesn’t seem that much out of reach… so good luck for your future attempts! You know me, I can’t help but to talk about Flaps every 2 minutes. Fittingly, we still have one more Flap record to talk about for this update. It’s from Braixen, and even if you might guess the track, you will never guess the time. We’ve seen Justin fail here, we’ve seen countless others finish mere milliseconds away from that major milestone; however, we had never been so close to completing it. How fitting for one of the legends of the game to complete the elusive task of finally completing the prophecy and beating the last remaining God standard to complete the WR time’s Godsheet. Braixen thus makes history and gets the 20$ bounty with the help of a new strat, smashing the God standard by 54 milliseconds with an 18.296. We’ve done it. I wanna say, on behalf of all of the Player’s Page staff, a massive thank you to everyone who committed to the task, from the first ever God standard achieved way back in December 2009 on RR by Jorge to that last effort from Braixen. At long last, the bet made by former players all those years ago has finally come true. Happy ending. However, do you know who’s not done? Yeah, you remembered obviously. Logan is not done. World #1 in every category, in Combined or Non-SC, in AF or Total Time… He wanted something no one else had done before. He wanted that perfect ARR of 0, the God ARR. He wanted the Godsheet. And so, he grinded. And grinded. Grinded as a World #1 would grind. And, to almost everyone’s surprise, he was actually getting those God times. It started on the 8th when he got GV2 Flap. Then a day later he got rPB Flap. As we’ve discussed he went on to ascend on the Non-SC Flaps of GV, BC and most difficult of all, rSL, and he also got rDH Non-SC Flap during this time period. Then on the 19th he got rPB 3lap. Then on the 20th he got RR 3lap. When he caught his 62nd God on BC 3lap, the whole TT community had their eyes on their greatest player. On February 25th, the man actually achieved what Braixen had done just a week before, with a smaller margin, as he got the 2nd ever God on rYF Flap with a 18.349. Beating the standard by one millisecond. As the stars aligned, only one single category remained in Logan Kebabby’s way. Three God laps on LC were the only obstacle left to the greatest achievement in the game’s history. Starting at a respectable Myth D standard, he had one mission. He set countless PRs, spent countless hours on the first track in the game. 1:09.140, 1:09.131, 1:09.109. At this point, only 10 milliseconds separated him from his Godsheet. The time to get was 1:09.099. And so. During the night between February 29th and March 1st, on a date that only happens once every 4 years. After a disappointing PB of 1:09.104, the stars aligned on that fateful day. The clock had already hit March 1st in GMT timezones, but people of Wyoming, Logan’s state of residence, were still living their last hours of February. And what a way to close out the month than to finish a Mario Kart Wii Time Trial that would go down in history. Getting onto WW Tops with a 1:09.094, he had done it. The oof guy from Wyoming had done it. As the clock hit March 1st, he was the undisputed God of Mario Kart Wii. My most sincere and admirative congratulations to you Logan, this may be a feat no one else comes close to accomplishing, at least for a very, very long time. And that concludes the intro! I call that an intro but it’s really not an intro, especially if you consider the fact that this is already 5 pages long on my Google doc. For one single month this is absurdly long, but I guess there were a lot of things to talk about huh? Anyway, how about we continue the News? COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: I said when I started this thing that I would not include USA, but for this month it’s hard not to acknowledge what we’ve seen from players of this country, especially Logan, but also Connor, Braixen, Justin. Basically the only WR activity from non USA players were from Luke and Alperen, so even though their standards are the highest of any countries, this month was an insane month even for them. TRACK OF THE MONTH: everyone played it during the month from what I’ve seen, both the glitch and the No-Glitch category, so I’ll give this award to N64 DK’s “long ass name” Jungle Parkway. I myself even made the fucking glitch, that’s not something you see often… QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “The part of the brain that makes people play MKWii only works if they are missing every other part of the brain” - OrangeYoshi, February 7th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “God overall will never happen.” - Mick, November 14th, 2009 This News Update covers from February 1st, 2024 to February 29th, 2024. Say hello to the 2 new players we count for this month: 1stmatt (no fucking way we got the full trilogy) Saruu (Spanish goat) The Gods (Top 10) #1 (#1) LOGAN KEBABBY got the godsheet as told previously, I don’t think there’s much else to say as my SummoningSalt-like paragraph earlier on already covered everything #2 (#2) Justin Hitchcock got his rYF flap as mentioned earlier, as well as a RR Flap, a 1:49.4 on TF Non-SC, a 1:45.4 on TF Shortcut and a 1:31.2 on rMC. He might not be setting PRs left and right like Logan but he still got it! #3 (#4) Arvo Koskikallio got many PRs to comfort his #3 placement and is now 4 AF ahead of Jack. Man’s making moves. He still lost a bet and had to record himself reading out loud the entire wikipedia page of some random shit I don’t even remember the name of, what even was that bet lmfao #5 (#11) Vincent Braixen got one single time this update and we’ve already talked about it since it’s his rYF Flap. He may have made history, but he didn’t cut much AF with that… Also he got kicked out of the Non-SC Top 10 by the guy right below him #7 (#10) Mitchell Healy worked mainly on LC and RR and was perfectly in sync with Logan to the point where I would struggle to figure out if the screenshots I was seeing on MKL’s Discord were from one or the other, before coming to the realization that they both PRed at the same time. He got a 2nd WW time on DKS Flap with an ace up the sleeve and a really nice 33.172 Myth A time on Moonview Flap but it doesn’t beat me haha loser (please have mercy and don’t improve this is the only good thing in my timesheet I don’t wanna lose spots this quickly) The two lads that wanted to be different apparently (11-25) #13 (#18) Zed R got 4 Non-SC PRs and they’re all absolutely jacked as what we’re used to seeing from Colin. The German #1’s best time this update comes on rMC where he BARELY missed the holy 1:30, getting a 1:31.001, surely you can make the final push! Who knows, with this and a few other PRs you could maybe pass Totom in Combined AF… #14 (#9) Eclipse is the embodiment of how Flaps are key to your AF cuts. This guy cut 9 AF in 9 PRs at this level, cutting 5 placements and getting into Top 15, and he ONLY played flaps. Best one is on KC with a 44.138, 9th on the PP tied with Shane who set his time a day later (lmao). Man I Love Flaps. The Legends + Jayu (25-50) #27 (#36) Danny Boy Enters Top 30 by improving his weak categories such as DDR (get 1:50 please), rYF Flap, MG Flap and… rWS Glitch okay maybe he didn’t only play for AF. We’ve discussed this previously so I won’t go much in detail. Top 25 when? #30 (#3) Luke Brown’s times have all already been discussed because he only got his 2 WRs. It shows, cuz he was #29 in the last News. He doesn’t care about AF. He misses out on the nerdiest and objectively best way to play Mario Kart. Not my fault! #31 (#39) Shane Hogan got some great PRs that allowed him to move 3 placements, with the highlight being that juicy 2:19.4/44.138 combo on KC No-Glitch. The duck is making moves. Don’t drink too much for St Patrick’s day next week, you know ducks don’t drink alcohol! #36 (#67) Exploder mostly stayed in his comfort zone playing rYF and set a banger 4th WW time of 58.752 #38 (#49) Jyran Liebs got too many PRs and cut 13 spots to get into Top 40, the Labies man is killing it this month. #39 (#57) Nara Hiero also enters Top 40, mostly by playing glitches like Parkway or rSGB. The price to pay when you’ve glitched so many tracks, you can’t even improve your blue chart without them lmao. I will take note of the effort on CM though, a 1:58.2 is quite respectable. #46 (#80) JAYOO barely gets onto the News thanks to a clutch parking lot simulat- I mean CM Glitch where the pasta glitcher got a 32.651 that’s not even CR because Cross actually got a .5 the day before this is too funny. Also he got his GV Flap WR printed on a shirt this month so this is clearly the highlight. The greats (51-100) #56 (#142) Intel Core mainly worked on his No-Glitch timesheet this month, and although there are some cool things there’s still a lot to work on. I appreciate the dedication though, you’re out here working on your red charts when some people on this site don’t even have a completed timesheet… staring at the guy with a Koopa on Jet Bubble pfp #59 (#81) Jacob Loerzel has seen the horrors many people made on his favorite track and is not happy about it. I’m sorry but sign clip was easier to learn… also I just noticed the stats page trolled me because he didn’t play this month but since I’ve already written that joke and I like it I’m keeping him in the News, Jacob you can thank my poor sense of humor for this appearance! #61 (#120) Nate Schultz improved on a bunch of tracks and set cool times here and there like a subbing 2:05.976 on rDS or a 1:44.682 on Moonview, and also he got a Flap with box clip on TF that’s like his 4th best Flap so nice job dude #63 (N/A) Alex Shoal actually played something else than BC Flap because he also improved on rYF flap after the new strat was found and implemented by Braixen, and this is epic. Could you please complete your Non-SC timesheet though, this isn’t 2008 anymore… #64 (N/A) Bryce improved on SGB Glitch with an impressive 1:15.715 (6th WW) finish on the 3lap, nice job, I find it so funny though how the only other PR you got this month is on the literal opposite type of track that’s rBC No-Glitch, make it make sense lol #74 (#61) Michele Gallastri got CRs on both CM Glitch (aforementioned, rip Jayu) and MMM beating Sal’s time from October with a 1:16.006 (go 1:15 / EU tops!). One category he couldn’t beat Sal on though was MG No-Glitch where he fell short of 32ms with a 1:41.784. Still cool. #77 (#65) Boshi got 2 PRs on… Both GV2 Flaps? Weird combo but sure, one’s even a 16.445 that’s on WW Tops so we take those. Also sorry I don’t update the forum often but in all honesty I don’t even update often and when I do update I forget that it exists. #80 (#48) Mo No improved on rWS to set the respectable duo of 1:51.8/36.2 and also subbed on rDH alongside it for a 1:35.9. Nice stuff! #81 (#66) ArthurOww I FINALLY moved from the #84 spot I was in since like forever, but now what? With a DKJP glitch under my belt I wanted to improve my CM but I’m the all time worst player on that track so that stayed at a 48 entering March, hopefully I can improve it soon but rn I’m focusing on DDR because my time there is ass and I want to get a 1:49. Watch me not get it and proceed to play a completely different track next. This is usually how it goes. #90 (#47) Acquiesce improved on one of his best tracks, rSGB with a 1:21.908/25.440 pair of PRs. He doesn’t miss. #99 (#104) Cederic cooks on rYF (59.8) and rPB Glitch (1:08.9) to take the last step and enter the Combined Top 100. Very well deserved. Now it’s time to do the same on the superior chart bro (I am totally not biased you know me well I’m only spitting facts, like 34.1 is BKS on MG No-Glitch) The good people that got lives unlike everyone you saw earlier (101-200) #107 (#98) NITROFOX has only registered one single blue chart PR, that’s a 33.1 on CM, but I can assure you he got like 1000000 more PRs he just doesn’t care enough about the PP to update them. Thanks for the AF I guess #109 (#70) 2ndmatt PR dumped on the 22nd so idk if all of these times were set this month but I know for a fact that juicy combo of 1:09.049 on LC and 1:20.864 on MC is from February. He’s proven to the world he can indeed play something other than rMC, and he’s ready to cut some more AF! …Probably, I didn’t ask him tho #120 (#107) Owen Smith improves his weaker categories to cut AF from the #146 spot he was at last month, although he allowed himself to showcase his Spear skills on rPB and got a 1:13.5/22.6 duo of PRs. Very nice. #121 (#124) James Collins isn’t as active as he used to but he still got one PR for the update, a… 10.9 on Goldmine Glitch Flap. I can’t judge you cuz I got an 11.8 but yeah that’s not the best PB you could ask for… #134 (#91) Supreme also got one singular PR this update (why do y’all keep giving me more work to do!!), it’s a 1:50.7 on DDR, now I’m gonna mention the fact that I almost wrote flap which is funny because a 1:50.7 flap on DDR is dead last on the charts by almost a full minute (my sense of humor is broken) #158 (#166) Rheece Wachow pleases me and improves on his No-SC timesheet this month, nice. Salvaged a few good PRs here and there especially in the retros, but DKJP was his best work as he got a subbing 2:14.9 and a very cool 42.9 on the flap, ranked at 34th as his best ranked time in the Red Charts. Man I love No-Glitch. #166 (N/A) Dragon returns to the game after leaving in 2017 and actually improved his best category, as the former WR holder on DC improved on his decade-old PR with a 1:29.637. Very cool return. Good luck if you wish to improve more of your old times! #173 (N/A) Falco got a 42.9 on BC Glitch Flap and cut one placement with it. *clap clap clap* #174 (#72) Fraterz got a 1:51.5 on WGM No-Glitch (that’s also his glitch PR lmfao) and that’s it. Bro how many of you are there that only played one category this month #181 (#141) Dylan Lepeirtz got quite a few PRs (finally) to pass 12 people in the leaderboards, and the highlight is that 34.4 on CM Glitch that’s almost Top 50 and his best ranked time, congrats! #186 (#88) Kenneth Bernales PBd on 2 categories being TF No-SC (1:51.4) and MT No-Glitch Flap (45.5). Barely enough to cut AF but he still climbed one placement, cool stuff #199 (#155) Ryan Lynch got a single PR on TF No-SC as well, a 1:51.5. Couldn’t beat Kenneth, rip The other good people just a bit worse at the game (200-300) #202 (#106) Pabloski Cuts 4 placements thanks to 2 cool PRs on rPB and DKJP No-Glitch, and is closing in on the Top 200, although I’ll say that No-SC Top 100 will feel much better when you eventually hit it. #203 (#92) Brian Lai improved on a bunch of categories to cut 9 placements and close out on that Top 200! Among those PRs I can note a cool 2:13.5 on Parkway as well as a 2:00.7 on rPG, keep up the good work #216 (#165) ElecTrick cleaned up some weak flaps he had rusting then went to KC to grab one of his best PRs, a 2:22.002 that’s Legend D. Sadly no sub :’( #296 (#205) Woomy only got one PR… OH wait it’s on GV Glitch Flap. Since Jayu isn’t here today I’ll make an impression of him hold on… *clears throat* “Based, porcodio �-�” #297 (#247) Emil Lönquist for this News cycle got a single time of 2:37.0 on rBC, getting up to a Hero D standard. There’s still some work left if you wanna get 64/64 Heroes in Combined but I believe you can do it! Good luck man! The Chads just here for the ride (300+) #301 (#222) Ncsr. improved on 14 different categories to cut 14 AF and barely miss out on being Top 300 this month. Here’s a spoiler for you though: he actually got it early march, so congrats on the W! #331 (#221) James Muraski...timesheets? I’ve seen you sending your times on the discord for so long I didn’t even know you hadn’t finished your timesheet lol. Well welcome to the charts I guess #335 (N/A) YangMK6 is pursuing his dream of beating Falco in all categories, and so, he submitted times for… His own best track, MT No-Glitch. Well Falco was ahead of him on this one so it’s justified, he even got a 2:17.7/44.7 duo so yeah, mission successful. You won’t be able to beat all his times if you don’t finish your No-SC timesheet though! #340 (#246) Dwt89_ timesheets onto the leaderboard, greetings from France to Ireland! (stop bullying us in Rugby please) #357 (#208) Pablo Hernangómez gets a single PR (how many of you did that this update) but it’s a great one as it’s a 1:31.7 on rMC. I myself don’t even have a time like this here and I’m Top 100 so clearly you have some AF to cut! #383 (#243) .VNix also got a single PR (seriously), on rSL, with a 2:09.6. The fact that a kart can get a 2:09 on this track is genuinely fucking impressive. #395 (#277) Leila FalB Massanova blessed us with a banger of a PB video, showcasing how she tricked Nitrofox into believing he beat her (basically hoarding) for the sake of revenge. Her plans didn’t work out very well though as he beat her back before she could release the vid of her hoarded time, and he actually found out about the hoard before she sent that vid cause of the ghost being in CTGP. Epic fail from the MKItalia dev, but guess what you did well? You actually made me wanna play DKJP glitch. That’s a fucking miracle. #398 (#237) Fireball works with efficiency by cutting 15 AF for only 3 PRs, and thus gets into Top 400 for the first time! Playing glitches surely helps on your Glitch AF huh… #405 (#251) Princessje11ybean comes backs after a few months and sets a few PRs on his worst tracks, but why did you change your discord name from Astra back to Narumi that name was so good #417 (#269) Chansey actually didn’t only play CM Glitch this month, and chose Moonview of all tracks to set a 1:46.7. Perhaps I treated you too harshly. Here, take this egg as a gift. 🥚 #441 (#272) Benito PR dumps on the 19th. He was last seen in July 2020 when he also PR dumped, so welcome back I guess, and see you in 4 years I presume #452 (#280) Calum Sutherland got 20 PRs to climb 14 placements, nice and rare to see in this part of the charts! #545 (#291) Cole Gate only got 2 PRs but managed to cut 2 AF and pass 1 player on the charts, good job! #562 (#283) Leo Perna cut AF big time with a -37, biggest this update. He passed 16 people with his 14 PRs. #572 (#311) Mattinatorr got 4 PRs, but it wasn’t enough to bring home the AF cuts. He still only gained 0.4 AF so we’re fine. #609 (#321) Charles Schrader got 12 PRs to boost himself by 5 placements and cut 9 AF, Top 600 is near! #646 (#329) MashingSapphic got 5 PRs, cut 2 AF, but sadly didn’t move any spots. At least she didn’t lose a placement! #730 (#372) Dillon Karst is our last player this update, as he cut 10 AF with 15 PRs and passed 10 other karters. Way to go! And there you go, that’s the update! And just like that we’re starting to get back to a more… traditional upload schedule. Hopefully that’ll last. I honestly have no idea what the rest of the year is gonna look like, but one thing is certain: there’s so much more Mario Kart to be played, and so we keep playing! Until the next update, have a good one, take care and enjoy that last bit of the News. Thanks for reading! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Luke Brown beat the old Daisy Circuit crs time of 1'28"372 with a time of: 1'28"321 Alex Shoal beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'41"722 with a time of: 0'41"536 Vincent Braixen beat the old DS Yoshi Falls lap time of 0'18"357 with a time of: 0'18"296 Danny Boy beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium lap time of 0'21"782 with a time of: 0'21"346 No-Glitch: Logan KEBABBY beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'35”486 with a time of: 0'35”446 Logan KEBABBY beat the old Bowser Castle lap time of 0'45”760 with a time of: 0'45”751 Logan KEBABBY beat the old N64 Sherbet Land lap time of 0'39”668 with a time of: 0'39”646 Luke Brown beat the old N64 DK’s Jungle Parkway crs time of 2’10”572 with a time of: 2’10”546 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: - February 1: Jyran Liebs for continuing his efforts made in January and cutting 13 AF and 12 spots to finish #39 on the 8th of the month. - February 2: Cederic for getting into the Combined AF Top 100 - February 3: Vincent Braixen for getting a 18.2 on rYF Flap, completing the WR timesheet with its last remaining God standard and fulfilling the prophecy former players set up back in 2009 - February 4: Luke Brown for getting 2 WRs in quick succession, beating Logan on DC and improving on DKJP Non-Shortcut, and getting back on track Player of the Month: - February: Logan KEBABBY for lowering his AF down to insane levels (4.87 Combined / 3.82 Non-SC), but most importantly being the first and only player to complete the GODSHEET by lowering his ARR to 0. 64/64 God standard times in the game, completed. PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2023: Logan KEBABBY with 33.3% of the community’s votes. MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur’Oww, the guy that has totally never released a News after the due date |
The long awaited oneArthurOww @ Wednesday, February 7th 05:28PM [link] |
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| HELLOOOOOOO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Karters and Kartesses, how’s it going???? After an 11-month hiatus, your favorite News writer returns to spending way too much time going over every single one of y’all’s timesheets! How about that… I know you’ve missed me, and even if you didn’t, I do not care. As I’m here today, I offer you a brand new essay to sum up everything that has happened in the last few (actually not so few) weeks. Enjoy… But before we get deep into the big stuff, let me introduce you with this little paragraph (that's totally not being written last second because we forgot about it) to the Player of the Year 2023 voting! As always, it's a little poll for you all to decide which Karter stood out the most during the past year. Right now, you can go submit a list of 5 players maximum you want to nominate for this poll, and the 5 players with the highest number of votes get in that last decisive poll that'll be made in a week or two. You thus have little time to nominate, so I encourage you to go on the Player's Page Forum and place down your nominations list right now and right here. So, what has happened since the last News? Well, at first, basically nothing lmao. In July and August we saw a grand total of 5 WRs with August only getting ONE of them, the fewest we've seen since April 2016! Truly the WR scene is bleeding, since there isn’t as much activity at top level as there used to be, honestly expected due to the game’s age (no wayyy who would’ve thought) and the MK8DX DLC that came out during the year. Logan literally took a break to play MK8 at one point, and this really pushed down the WR activity (although his break wasn’t that long and he still got 15/32 records this update lol). We also saw the likes of Kasey, Sosis, Luke, Braixen and others setting WRs alongside Logan this News cycle. Let’s talk about it. First off, your usual Logan records. He became the 2nd player to break the 100 WR tally, after Luke, on July 22nd when he got a 1:28.411 on DC beating his former PR by .013. He came back to the track in January (this News is way overdue) to get a second PR, this time getting the first .3 with a 1:28.372. He then went on to focus on TF where he improved the Shortcut category 3 times finishing with a 1:44.178 right at the start of September, and improved the Non-Shortcut category once with an "ever so slightly closer to a 1:48" 1:49.039 on August 28th. Yes it's that one WR that avoided a 0 WR month and yes that means we cut a WHOPPING 35ms off the No-Glitch WR Total Time in August. Surely it's the smallest time cut in quite some time. Then he went on good old GCN Mario Circuit and literally got 4 WRs in a week to get that insane sub 1:30, a 1:29.945 on the last day of September. That allowed him to narrowly beat Luke and become the guy with the most WRs ever at 108 WRs entering October. Also remember when I said Logan played MK8? Well he literally got WR on the newly added MH there for a bit meaning he held both the MKW and MK8DX WRs of the track at the same time lmao that’s our champ Sosis also got a little mad that Logan dared to take MMM from him a few months ago, so he took it back and improved it as we've seen in the prior News Update, except he was really mad apparently because he improved again! The American becomes the first player to sub .3 with a 1:15.273 on July 25th, ggs Saucisse you’re a beast on your tracks as always We then get to Kasey who continues to break down rPG, getting the first 1:58.8 with a .890. Considering the fails that he's gotten recently, we'll probably hear more about the track in the next Update. I totally didn’t write that 4 months ago, Kasey definitely touched the track since and hasn’t gone on other tracks at all! I mean what I wrote is still relevant cuz we might see the track next News Update… However that's not his big WR for September, and that one surely requires an entire paragraph so hold on let me press enter twice rq 15 years of MKWii and he seemed to always have one world record. 15 years, and through LC, rYF, RR, rPB and plenty of other tracks, he remained one of the top tier karters all this time. His reign on his ace track was utterly insane, covering by himself almost half a second on a track where it's difficult to save even a frame at this level. He remained the owner of the track for more than a decade. And after a tie that seemed almost unbelievable, someone was, in the end, able to end this ownership. The track is LC, and as you probably guessed by now, someone other than Cole is now the sole proprietor of the track, and that guy is obviously Kasey that made history on September 30th with a 1:08.733. Cole's reign was established with a 23 consecutive WR streak that went on for 3702 days, so 10 years, one month and 19 days, from August 11th, 2013 to September 30th, 2023. It stands as the #1 longest lasting reign in the history of the game, #2 being MrBean on WGM Glitch with 2772 days. Cole's last WR was the one that lasted the longest in his reign by a landslide with 1404 days as the record, that's his 2nd longest lasting WR after the 58.970 on rYF, and just like that, one of the all time greats of the game is left with no record for the first time in years. All I need to say now is huge congrats to Kasey and, well, the king's dead, long live the king. May you be the one to improve this track even further. I said Logan got his 1:29 on rMC on September 30th, and Kasey also broke LC on that same day, right? Well, well, let me tell you something: I had never seen this happen before, but on that last day of the month, 2 other WRs were set, by 2 different players, on 2 different categories, meaning we actually got 4 people getting 4 records on 4 categories all in one day. How cool is that. You can say the last 2 categories are just Glitch and No-Glitch of one single track, but still… And btw, it’s rBC I’m talking about. We first saw Luke finally break through and end his drought on the track by getting a 2:30.573, only a 9ms improvement sadly but enough to get a new record, plus at this level even a frame is hard to cut off on this track (absolutely not speaking from experience I am not a god at this track with my dumb mid 2:32) so congrats to Luke. On the Glitch side, Logan’s first successful run was defeated more than 1000 days after it was set, and the man to do it was, obviously, Mr (now former) 2nd Worldwide who didn’t get thwomped this time around, Core with a 2:20.406. Crazy to think that this was only the 2nd record we had on the category… After this busy last day came October and we got 6 WRs to talk about here… Yeah 4 of them are Logan’s what do you want me to do about it First off, who would’ve thought that after a 1000 days drought on rBC Glitch we would see 4 new WRs in quick succession? Definitely not me. After Core’s run, another glitcher managed to get the record, and as the holder of RR Glitch Danny Boy became a multi-WR holder for the first time in his life by getting the sub 2:20 with a 2:19.908 on the 7th of the month. It wouldn’t last long though, because as he saw there was some competition, Logan joined to get some fun with the lads and ruined it by setting a 2:18.963 on October 16th and a 2:17.997 the day after, that’s why you can’t party with the boys Logan that’s because you’re too strong be gentle sometimes! :rainiosmile: On the same day as Logan’s last rBC run, Luke also got close to BC3 No-SC, climbing all the way to 4ms behind Logan! We all thought “wow that was so close” for 30 minutes until he got another run going and beat Logan to get a 2:16.183, first time subbing .2, nice work from the English. With that he also climbs to #1 in terms of number of WRs on the category with 8. The ultimate goal still is that insane 2:15, and it is achievable, so good luck Luke you have what it takes And then we got… Oh shit MOONVIEW MENTIONED RAAAAAHH BEST TRACK IN THE GAAAAAAAME where Logan improved his 1 year old record twice in the same 11-hour stream (oof) with a 1:42.984 (smol) and a 1:42.975 (also smol) on October 21st. I had watched the runs because, well, Moonview lmao, and tbh even though I hadn’t played the category in literal years I couldn’t but notice the timesave we could get on this. And turns out, I was right, since Logan got a .872 just a week later. Pretty interesting developments on this track, but still, I’m sure it can go down lower. Maybe in 2024 we’ll see a .7? And then, the desert. The void. Nothing. No WRs for almost a full month, and only one lonely WR in November. The track? MG Non-SC. The savior? You guessed it, Alperen, with a 1:40.494, subbing 1:40.5 for the first time here. December was more on the busy side, with 6 WRs set. Still not much, but it’s honest work by Braixen, who returned to his favorite track’s No-Glitch category and thus improved CM Non-SC a whopping 5 times in just 10 days from December 9th to December 19th. Pretty cool. He started off with the first 1:55.3 with a .360 (no scope) then grinded it down to a .264. He sadly couldn’t reach that goal of a .1 he set himself, but I’m sure he’ll get it. Stay strong and finish the job man! Mario Kart Wii is a game that’s been dominated by the USA for a few years now. And among the countless American WRs we had, how fitting for the last WR of the year to be set by a Spaniard? Just before Christmas Eve, Poyo thus reclaims his WGM Glitch throne from Ray once again with a .678 The first WR of the year on the other hand, is fully American, as Vincent takes home the Raceway crown, beating Sosis with a 1:41.193 on January 6th. A great way to start the year for the #5 US player and for the game as a whole too since Sosis’ time lasted for more than 2 years! Justin does what Justin does best, and it’s releasing a vid of a WR nobody expected at a time nobody expected either. Former World #1 takes .387 off of the rDH Glitch WR to lower it to a 1:30.603, mostly thanks to the first-ever sub 30 lap to be featured in a WR run, a 29.896 right at the end to finish it off. Great job as always. The maestro of DKS has fallen and now has a rival worthy of his prestige! Blake got his WR taken by Connor who, despite losing his streak of getting a WR each year from 2017 to 2022, hasn’t left the game and still hits us hard with a 1:44.568 on January 26th. Will Blake be able to take the crown back? He’s trying. Will Connor improve his newly acquired WR? Maybe. Only time will tell. Oh right, guess what? Flap time! We got 31 Flaps to cover (god that’s so much) on various tracks, mostly from Unrestricted, and yeah, mostly from Logan lmao Chronologically, Vincent "MostCommonNameEver" Nguyen reclaimed his RR glitch WR from Danny "former planet" Boy with a 14.675, first time subbing .7, then to my surprise (and probably a few others) Luke came back on LC, of all tracks, to hit the ramp and finished a 21.590, subbing .6 for the first time and becoming the first player to set a Flap WR on the track using the Bowser Bike, and that's fucking huge. Then… Logan subbed 43.7 on KC No-Glitch, stole DDR from Justin by one millisecond and got the first ever 32 lap on MH. 43.678, 32.491, 32.991, all of these are WRs. The interesting part here is that, well, he got them all in one day, August 18th. OK Mr. Kebabby OMG I got someone that we don't see often. Carter Clem! No, not the Carter from rPG, that's another one. After getting his maiden WR on MT Flap in November last year, he strikes again and improves on August 22nd to a 23.608, beautiful. Congrats man! And then for the Flap WRs set in September, we got… Logan again oh f The American improves his rMC Glitch flap yet again, now he's so used to it that he doesn't even need to save the ghost, he casually set his WR then reset his run as if nothing happened. Thankfully it was on stream lol. He also got 2 WRs on TF Shortcut just because poor Mitch tried to get the record and Logan got mad so he cut more than .1 to a 31.592. But guess what, he's not the only guy who can set WRs! On BC Non-SC, improving to a 45.760, Fraterz gets his maiden flap WR, beating Justin by .143. Finally we get someone new! Congrats on the record, hopefully you'll hold on to it! In October, Shane cut 1ms on his CM Glitch Flap… Then cut 1ms on his CM Glitch Flap again, excuse me? You’re going from a 4.122 to a 4.120 with 2 WRs?? Tbh, if you could get to 4.099 with 20 more records that’d be pretty funny so keep on cutting those milliseconds bro Lawrence improved his KC Glitch with a good 15.854, a few months after his previous one, gj gj sadly I don’t have much to say I don’t see anything special about it but a record is a record so congrats! In the last 10 years, only 2 people had held the rWS No-Glitch Flap WR. Those being Totom for more than 7 years and Justin for almost 3. That was until October 17th, where Australian track specialist Falco got to work and set a godly time of 35.132, beating Justin by 2ms and getting the first Flap WR of his career in style. Congrats man! The last 2 Flap records we got are on rBC Glitch, they’re just glitch laps of the 3lap records we mentioned previously: Danny got a 30.776 beating Core’s flap, then although Logan didn’t beat it in his 2:18, his 2:17 subbed 30 for the first time with a 29.752. Pretty cool. Sadly, no new Flap WRs were set in November. It’s pretty strange to think that even though the PP’s activity didn’t change, it even got better, the WR scene almost went silent for the whole month. Sad. December made it up for it tho, since we actually got a third of the Flap records for this Update during this month! The Italian lad, the Mii-abusing time-updating man himself, Jayu, got 3 WRs (omg) on GV glitch (ehhhhh) at the start of the month, with a stating 2.805, subbing 2.791 and finishing 2.785 from December 7th to December 11th. Nice job my dear coworker Then, the updating team had a brilliant idea: because the standards are just way too old and outdated, but we still wanted for all Gods to be hit, we thought it would be cool to set up a bounty for whoever would manage to get at least one of the last few remaining God standards of rSL Non-SC, rYF, and GV Non-SC flaps. And guess who took our (Hydr8ion’s) money? The #1 European TTer, the first one to get 100 WRs, you guessed it, it’s Luke! He improved GV Non-SC twice, first to a 35.528 on December 15th then to a 35.486 three days later. He thus got a grand total of 30$. Jackpot, Luke! Back to TF Shortcut, where after the Mitch vs Logan event, we saw a 3rd karter shoot his shot at the record, successfully this time. Jack Gluesing thus got a 34.811 and 34.806 both on the same day of December 16th. Great job from Mr rSGB Glitch Flap! Did you know that JMM’s rSL Glitch flap is the only WR of the category to surpass 1000 days? Well sadly, it won’t pass 1100 days because it just got beaten by Wii Wheel extraordinaire Ray on the 27th of the month, with a 10.584, barely 3ms ahead of the Portuguese. From one Chad to another. The last few flap records of the year were set by βτ member and rMC god Bickbork himself, on, your guessed it again (this is starting to feel like a game show), rMC, where he beat his former WR from mid 2022 by exactly .1 from a 28.451 to a .351 on the 28th, then again with a .324 two days later the day before New Year’s Eve. And with that, the 2023 season comes to an end. Goodnight… Wake up!!! It’s the first of the month! Well actually it’s not the first it’s the 12th of January, but KingAlex, the one and only, returns with a banger as he gets BC Shortcut flap setting two times of 41.865 and 41.722 later on the 25th, with the… Spear?? Yeah, the lad heard of a way to make the BC ending shortcut RTA, and thus went on to try it, setting the first Spear flap WR on the track since Jorge’s 42.723 in… 2010. That’s a long time and long-overdue return for both the vehicle and the karter. The last (finally) WR to talk about for this update comes from Blake, obviously on DKS, where Mr. Germany got a 33.741 on January 24th. He might have lost his 3lap record to Connor, but this man is still unbeaten on the flap for almost 10 years, ever since his subbing 33.989 on May 29th, 2014. Standing the test of time. Wait it’s not the last Flap record! Falco improved his rWS Flap to a 35.119 just to piss me off after I wrote his last part on stream, this bozo didn’t even record his time too or at least it’s not on the Flap WRs sheet, but he got another paragraph about him for this update so congrats Falco (don’t ever do this again or I will make your walls my new home) I feel like it’s worth mentioning it, but Liam’s rDH No-Glitch Flap WR is still standing, and as of January 30th, literally the day I’m writing this, this 29.317 turns 8. years. old. 2922 days old. That’s the longest a record has ever stood, more than Thomas’ 41.425 on DKJP Shortcut set in 2015 that took 7.5 years to beat and lasted 2781 days. Will Liam’s record last 3000 days? It seems so, and it would be insane to see. If you don’t want it to hit that milestone, get to work, because it should hit it on April 17th. You know what to do. That's every WR we got since Arvo's Update, now let me introduce you to a more interesting part of this News because MKW can't exist without… the pause-buffering drama ofc What happened? To make it short, in early September we realized that Justin paused a lot when setting 2 of his KC WRs, while making the glitch. Asked about it, he replied that he buffered the pause button to get the glitch more consistently. Now, if you're familiar with the rules, you might remember that pause buffering is not allowed, therefore Justin's runs have to be considered as cheated runs. They have been removed from the Player's Page. If you ever wondered, no, we did not consider banning him at any moment, given the issue being minimal (only 2 times and one PR), and the fact that we never ever banned someone for pause buffering. That brought a question though, because even though he pause buffered to get the glitch more consistently, he still drove a WR time by pure skill and didn't "cheat" for the rest of the run. Should we really ban his runs then? To avoid moments like this in the future, why shouldn't we allow pause buffering altogether? The debate rises again after its first appearance for the rPG flower hop back in 2018, and we thus hosted a vote on the matter both on the public and private TT servers. We asked if players wanted to keep the rule as it is, pause buffering being disallowed, or debanning the method, allowing people to pause the game at any time for any reason. The result dropped a few months ago (lol I delayed this News way too much), and the "keep it" option beat the "deban" option, 124 to 85, 60% in favor of Pause Buffering being banned. Sadly I don't have access to the private server so idk how it turned out there but since I've heard nothing from them it's probably the same result I just told you. To sum up the thing, Justin paused to make his KC Glitch easier, it's banned so his runs using pause buffering are not taken into account anymore, he's not banned, we held a poll on whether or not we should unban pause buffering or not, the community decided to keep the rule as it is. Idk why but I feel like we're gonna meet up again in 3-4 years on the exact same topic and redo a poll on should we ban pausing On a more fun note AGDQ happened and Logan went there with Blake and ZeldaCubed to make a 32-track skips run, he finished in 1h10mins so yeah pretty good stuff, very nicely done. Anyway that's all for now, time for the part of the News that's gonna get me terminal brain cancer by age 25 if I keep doing it COUNTRY OF THE “MONTH”: Australia gets it because Mitch multiplied their activity by 5 and they were already very active in the first place, but since it’s been so long I actually want to also give it to Italy as they also were very active and are stepping up so much it would be a shame to not mention it. Players like Carlo, Nitrofox, obviously Jayu, and others have really brought their country to a level it had never been seen on before. TRACK OF THE “MONTH”: Congrats to Mushroom Peaks for winning this award! Truly the best track ever made. QUOTES OF THE “MONTH”: I’d rather someone steal my rizz than my jizz” - Logan Kebabby, August 29th, 2023 ”had a dream there was a new glitch called “““““orgy physics””””” where being bumped by players repeatedly caused you to gain ev” - BlackyBoi, October 12th, 2023 “We're all NPCs living in a world where Colin the Mega Mushroom is the main character” - Arthur’Oww, December 12th, 2023 ”free my boy kooper” - Nate Schultz, December 15th, 2023 ”bcwii geysers can be compared to your genitals, they can both erupt with some form of liquid” - Core, January 16th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE “MONTH”: "What does sub mean?" - Lowercaseletters, 2017 This News Update covers from July 16th, 2023 to January 31st, 2024. Say hello to the 22 new players we count for this month: L$AN (Orelsan) Panda Man (Cow Man's cousin) Abby (Each News we get someone whose name doesn't meet the length requirements) Herold (this one does tho) Owen Smith (rYF goat) Fireball (nice clash royale reference) Firefanged (there are now 4 people on the site with “fire” in their names, “water” people when tbh) Derpness (Minecraft pfp) Borat (bro is a literal film) Harry Eyers (surprisingly the only Harry on the site) Everett Vereen (unsurprisingly the only Everett on the site, never heard that name) DaBreeze (evolves at lvl 25 into DaWind) Shojiro (I see some great times on that timesheet that’s good) Leo Perna (already has a full timesheet, you love to see it) Dillon Karst (2 timesheeters in a row?! insane) JWR56 (Does not have 56 WRs) Dwt89_ (TWD98 alt) Hockeylord900 (Sounds like a Canadian name to me) Alex Croteau (Alex #18 on the site, an army is forming) John McArdle (Hello from SMK) Thomas Norton (Thomas #19 on the site, another army is forming) Due to me taking longer to write the News than Rockstar to release GTA 6 or girls to take the right selfie, the leaderboard has been a teamwork between almost every member of the PP’s staff. You’ll see stuff from me, Jayu, Ben and Hydr8ion, so have fun guessing who’s the writer behind each player’s paragraph, and enjoy this long overdue part! ...and let me live without the burden of the News on my shoulders please Your grandma knows them (Top 10) #1 (#1) Logan KEBABBY Made fun of MK8DX as I previously said, before entertaining us with a few more WRs, as I also previously said. Not World #1 for nothing. #3 (#4) Arvo Koskikallio this lad got so many PRs I can’t even talk about them all even though they're all cracked so all I'm gonna mention is that everyone’s favorite updater passed Gluesing in the blue charts to reclaim his Top 3 placement and that's pretty insane. He’s on a roll right now and it's well deserved, good job my man #4 (#14) Jack Gluesing got up to Top 3 last News cycle but was beaten by Arvo as we just said. He got a few PRs but half of them were in No-SC so the stats program didn’t give a single fuck about them. However I do, so beautiful Sherbey time, sir #5 (#10) Vincent Braixen, just like Jack, keeps his spot thanks to 2 PRs although these 2 actually made him cut AF because he made the glitch on RR with a 1:59/15.8 combo, nice way to cut spots to catch up on the others #6 (#17) Vincent Nguyen had all of his activity in July. WAIT. The red charts indicate some excellent times on RR! Unfortunately, those do not get mentioned in the news update because of irrelevance so I will mention his rDH shortcut times. Good job. #7 (#12) Mitchell Healy oh boy here we go. From #17 to this in just 6 months. 39 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES IMPROVED and that's only counting his Unrestricted timesheet because my stats page is an archaic fossil that was made in 1998!!! That’s probably the biggest step-up we’ve seen since Logan honestly. Highlights? Bro how can I even pick fucking highlights in this monstrous pile of PRs???? #8 (#5) Martin Fox played more TTs in these past 6 months than in the entire 2017-2020 era, I guess those mogis are becoming quite boring huh? He got great times on BC3 (12th), BC (7th) and TF (6th). Not too bad from the former World #1! #10 (#7) Bynt. GOT THE 2:16 ON BC3 LETS FUCKING GO I’m only mentioning that cuz this man had been on it for weeks having Don Capri-esque fails on the last straight lap 3, then finally pulled it off. Very happy for you man. They get recognized on the street (Top 50) #11 (#16) Thomas van Deerse bro played wtf I thought he was retired???? I mean I guess when you get kicked out of the top 10 you kinda want to get back on it, so he set one lonely PR of... Actually nevermind the Stats page pranked me his last time is from 2021 #17 (#21) Indy Kambeitz was mostly a glitcher during this time period but did get 1:49 on TF. While Indy was active, so was Indianapolis with the playing of the Big Ten championship, where Iowa got rekt by Michigan ;( #ToryTaylor4Heisman Sorry Weexy, back to your segment. He got a top 10 time on CM flap. #18 (#9) Eclipse got a 1:31.2 on rMC, a 59.0 on rYF, 42.4 on BC flap, and a 3lap and flap on TF sc. These prs helped him ECLIPSE into the #18 spot for Unrestricted. God I need to get some sleep #19 (#18) Dane Allen enters Top 20 with what looks like a PR dump, probably for the first time as well because I don’t recall seeing him in there? Good job if that's the case #20 (#8) Jay Rangthale dropped 2 spots but hey he improved his rPG so that’s cool I guess #22 (#31) Enzo Leussink played no glitch, getting a couple of pretty decent times, unfortunately he was not as fast as his competitor, Enzo Ferrari, acted by Adam Driver in the film Ferrari which came out on Christmas Day. #23 (#27) Jake Harrison popped in for a couple quick PRs, most notably getting 1:41 on rMR and a 1:22.0 on rSGB. Good stuff Mr. Canada. Unfortunately these PRs did not help Canada in the World Juniors where they lost to Czechia. Absolutely embarrassing. #26 (#30) Phyzothy only improved on BC Shortcut with a 2:10.8, dropped 2 spots, here’s your long-awaited News Update, sorry for the wait but you wouldn’t have made it into it if it weren’t delayed so badly lol #29 (#3) Luke Brown set two 3lap WRs during this time, on rBC and rBC3. More importantly, however, was his contribution to LC flap. He set a 21.590 using the bowser bike. It truly changed the category, making it significantly easier and faster. He also got the first God standard time on GV No-SC flap, completing one part of the bounty. #30 (#23) Kevin Miller played a couple of tracks to defend his spot as #1 Pennsylvania. He has completely revamped his timesheet on the red chart side this year, which is insanely impressive. #31 (#82) Ryley Carroll hey guys, I am also helping out a wee bit. I did some flapping, got a .4 on LC, finally got rid of my disgusting rPG rank, etc. I got ww tops on rDH back at a meetup. Maybe one day I’ll finally get RR glitch done and cut like 8 AF. #32 (#38) Danny BoyJAYU INVASION STARTS. Our Boy Danny Boy (i know) cut a ridiculous 21 AF from the previous update, with an insane fluk-2:19 on rBC glitch, which was of course world record at the time (waw), 1:40 on rWS glitch and 2:04 on KC glitch. this timesheet is making me emotional jesus christ, good job Danny keep up the gaming. #34 (#42) Shane Hogan Shane lost AF, point and laugh people. jokes aside the duck man didn’t play much but for how much he played, he PLAYED. My guy blessed us with 2 WRs on CM glitch flap (zapalapadawg really cut 2 ms in a span of 3 WRs), GV glitch almostER (get 15 bozo), a 1:47 on DKSC (actually cracked) and LC FLAP (nobody cares). #36 (#66) Exploder OK EXPLOSION COOKED. He cut more AF than Danny with a staggering 24, the highlights of his baking process were yet another rYF 58 (big shock huh) that got him to 3rd, 1:49.4 on DKS and 1:29.8 on DC. he almost completely revamped his timesheet in the last months, big congrats Exploder! #39 (N/A) Lawrence hohoho we got another glitch guy here, Lorenzo landed a 15.8 on KC glitch flap, that makes me timbers shiver, a 1:45.4 on box factory (that is pretty good), and a really classy 1:49 on the box factory without the box. #41 (#24) Shaun Tanney didn’t know he still played tts, he got a 1:49 on toddle’s factory too, great. i have nothing else to say other than END OF JAYU INVASION GOODBYE. #44 (#80) JAYOO …What just happened? I was gone eating the pizza Jayu sent me and now there’s stuff written everywhere here. Must’ve been the wind… Anyway, the frenchie’s back for some more updates. This guy I totally don’t know about sets multiple Flap WRs and holds the fastest lap in MKW History, quite nice, with those flap WRs also came a 17.312 3lap set on the last day of the update that’s 7th WW and 3rd EU so that’s pretty cool stuff as well from this lovely stranger! Also he made Parkway, TF and RR glitch, got a 59.3/18.4 duo on rYF (what the actual fuck), surely he must be pretty decent at this game but I can’t know every player sadly! #46 (#67) Nara Hiero breaks into Top 50 for this News Update while lowering his AF to below 100 for the first time in the process! The PRs that made it happen you may ask? Surprisingly, not much, just beating a few below-average times such as rBC, BC3 or …BC, the guy played all 3 BCs in a single month, that’s even crazier than the Top 50 if you ask me… Great progression I see there, surely there’s more to come! They're talked about (Top 100) #51 (#50) Will Marable Beat me on DC, rPG and fucking Moonview of all tracks, all within 2 months cuz he only played in October and November, and still managed to set times in rBC (also beats me), DKM Glitch (at least I don’t play that category) and CM Glitch (fucking annihilates me). Now if you may, I shall give the next portion of the News to my colleagues and friends while I’m crying in my bed because all my good times are sweeped like they’re nothing. See ya in a few minutes #54 (#59) Jyran Liebs had a couple of runs early in the period, but has gone absolute ham recently. He’s submitted a bunch of times over the last few days, like 1:43.8 on MH, sub 2:01 on rPG, and a ton of flaps. well done mr. australia wait a minute, he got 1:00 on rPB??? I didn’t even know that, good stuff #58 (#86) Jacob Loerzel is… TIED IN AF WITH JMM?? I have never ever seen this happen. It’ll surely not be the case for long, it may not even be the case when the News releases, so I just wanted to highlight that because it’s super cool. Also his DKJP WR turned 1000 days old this News cycle, time really flies. #60 (#51) Claus cut AF but gained 2 spots, womp womp #62 (#148) Intel Core as he always does demonstrates his insane glitch ability, pulling off improvements on RR, KC, and CM. Most importantly, however, was the fact that he hit a WR on rBC glitch! Great job! Also a lot of solid nosc improvements, well done Core! #63 (#125) Nate Schultz seems to be unfortunately running out of new somewhat easy glitches to do. Because of this, he has had to improvise, getting improvements on rPG, LC flap, etc… He also got tops on WGM glitch flap (and promptly had aaron w (big anti flap guy) to record it) #64 (#69) Ultra_Pear improved on rSGB and got an incredible 3rd ww time. Absolutely insane stuff to see. Later on in this time period, he worked on he timesheeted a bit, playing rDS, DKSC, and LC flap. Truly one of the players of the game. #69 (N/A) Bryce takes what once was Alberto’s property, the sought-after #69 spot… Maybe if you finished your No-SC timesheet you could get your hands on both titles and become the king of the Player’s Page??? Just saying… #75 (#11) Filler played MMM, TF and rPG during summer break, although his main PRs are probably gonna be on the Banana cup with rSL and rSGB from the same time period. Man improved to a 4th WW placement on both categories, with a 2:04.054 and a 1:21.522. With all these amazing PRs he may have gotten #10 for a short time during this News cycle, but I can’t and will never be able to know because my stats page is racist towards Non-SC people. As a frenchie I invite all of you to make a revolution against Penev so that he makes his stat page acknowledge the existence of a timesheet that’s been a thing since 2012. Free the Reds! #80 (#48) Mo No got a 2:22.4 on BC Non-SC, dipped, then came back 2 months later with a bangering 33.209 on my favorite category that is MH Flap. Couldn’t make me happier. #84 (#65) ArthurOww fuck you bitch no nice words for you that’s what you get for delaying the update. Now get back to work you stupid moron (post-production me here, yeah I wrote that, cuz I couldn’t find motivation to write anything and this time for once I was actually doing something so I didn’t wanna spend time writing useless stuff about a timesheet I already know for no one to fucking care because I’m barely average at this game… Wait hold on a damn minute) #90 (#47) Acquiesce started off the update strong with a PR on his Ace track, a 1:34.703 on rDH No-SC, Spear BKT taken from Cole ladies and gentlemen! Then, after some 1:13.011 on rPB (rip sub), 1:16.020 on MMM (sip rub), 1:09.245 on LC, he finished the year with a astonishing 35.522 on GV No-SC flap, probably trying to legally steal Hydr8ion’s money from the bounty he set up. He couldn’t do it tho cuz he got beaten by Luke. A real shame. #96 (N/A) Star Boi became a Star Man this update, getting a 3/3 signclip run on DKJP. He also worked on his KC, DDR, and MC glitch times. David Bowie would be proud. Specialists heard about them (Top 200) #101 (#105) Cederic will be a Top 100 player once he gets time to play, mark my words. I mean he’s like barely 2 AF away so it's pretty obvious but shhhh I’m still right. #104 (N/A) Franco only got 2 PRs, a 42.6 on WGM Glitch and a 2:08.4 on DKM, he only woke up from his MKW coma in late December tho so that explains it. I didn’t tell anyone, but I secretly waited for him to come back before writing the News so he didn’t miss any. Next up, I’m waiting until Totom comes back! #107 (#98) NITRO_FOX has been a man on a mission with the destination being the Top 100. He submitted an absolute crap ton of times to end the year, and has also submitted a few in January. These January times are the only non-December times on his timesheet. Very interesting. Congratulations on unlocking January mode. #109 (#92) Chloie how the hell do you beat 4 people with a 0.7 AF gain??? Hello??? #112 (#71) 2ndmatt still leaves me in disbelief as it’s now been more than 2 years that I see this name on the charts yet I cannot comprehend WHY did Bickbork choose this name lmao. Also it makes me think about Matt from Wii Sports whenever I read it so when I see Bickbork on Discord I just associate him to a chad. Yes it’s been like that for 2 years. #120 (#123) James Collins beat me on MH as did like 30% of the people I saw as beginners when I set my time. I should probably improve it… Anyway, the man was decently active as he got 9 PRs but he only cut .6 AF. Still good enough for 2 bops on the charts tho! #126 (#161) Carlo only got one PR so it’s gotta be a heavy hitting one, and it is as the italian got his 3rd WW top and 3rd CR with a 1:41.5 on MT Glitch. Boom. Unfortunate that Jayu left early cuz he would’ve said something funny in italian but since I can’t speak pasta I can’t make that type of joke. Porco Dio is all I can say. #135 (#91) Supreme has had a supreme end of 2023. Idek where to start with ur timesheet, but ur pretty cool. ur rMR time was really good #136 (#102) Mystogan became a nosc main. A lot of nosc times in the 100-200 placement range, well done m8 #141 (#111) Ben Hurley the idol of the people did the bare minimum to get in the News but it’s okay because it’s Ben fucking Hurley we’re talking about. He’s been chilling playing Zelda and Mario Wonder these past months because he has great taste and after that deserved break he’s now ready to roll on the track again. Best of luck bro! #142 (#112) Flooferdog floofed his floofy floof and floofed up a KC time in July to qualify for this update. o wait, u also did some red charts stuff. Unfortunately, I, Hydr8ion, do not take those into consideration when writing news sections. #143 (#99) Leon Bisschops literally copied Flooferdog, he had one PB in this 5 months and I still gotta write about him. Nice LC flap brother, got a nice 21. #151 (#113) Owen Smith timesheets his way onto the leaderboard! rYF might be your favorite, but plenty of other tracks are waiting for you to get great times on! #173 (#72) Fraterz overhauled over a �" of his timesheet, including like over half of his 3laps. 2:31 on rBC was one of them. #174 (N/A) Falco keeps duking it out with Yang. He set some strong times on TF and rPG. Please stop bing on rMC tho, I don’t need to see another Yang rMC video in my feed. #178 (N/A) Teonovi59 is back with some nice 3lap prs, most notable of which being his 1:49 on DDR. Pretty solid stuff, keep it up buttercup #181 (#154) Daniel W came out of an almost 16 month hibernation from his timesheet and pulls out 4 lap times, including a really nice top 70 MH flap. love to see it #188 (#141) Ben Brophy had a similar last four months of 2023 as his beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Started off strong in August only to slow things down later. Unfortunately, this message I wrote was proved wrong as Ben decided to use his abnormally long winter break to improve some times in rapid succession. I just have one question for you. Will you go for the 1:16. #191 (#197) Will Fury cut AF big time over the past mont- I mean trimest- I mean semester (fuck) as the man went from below Top 300 to well into Top 200 with a 128 AF cut. A 2^7 AF cut. A sqrt(16384) AF cut. A sqrt(2^14) AF c… Okay I get it enough with the math jokes. #194 (#153) Dylan Lepeirtz overhauled over half his timesheet in this news cycle. Bro got some nice times, 35.003 on CM is no joke. 2:28.5 is also like really impressive so yeah congrats #199 (#156) Ryan Lynch lynched some of his times and got some nice cuts. TF, DC 3lap, and rMR 3lap were all subject to his skills this cycle. #200 (#133) Spencer Sassak finally crosses the line of the Schultz and Hydr8ion AF war from 2020, dipping his toe in the top 200. His most notable improvements come on BC, where he hit a top 30 3lap and flap, finally hitting his goal of 2:10. He proves yet again that he is a true glitch kiddie. Bye Bye Jim Harbaugh At least their friend knows them (Top 300) #206 (#108) Pabloski has a cool name and some even cooler times. He got a 1:49 on TF (idk if its glitch or not but im not checking red charts at this ungodly hour - hydr8ion) a 1:09.3 on LC, and a 1:35.5 on RDH. The 1:09.3 on LC leads me to believe it’s a no glitch TF run, but im not sure #208 (#168) Silicosis continues his goals of removing the “ilic” out of his name and becoming Sosis. He set a ton of times through the past couple of months. Good for him. Only 188 spots to go! #212 (#103) Brian Lai more like brian slayyyyyyyyyyy amirite, BLCraft got a 1:09.5 on LC, nad a bunch of other really decent 3laps, come on tho, 2:19.4 on BC3, thats ranked 898 as of me writing this. u are better than this Mr. sLai #221 (N/A) Sam Fairless made RR glitch and improved his rSL glitch, and he got Wii Wheel European record on both 3laps. Pretty cool if you ask me #224 (N/A) Alex Bjorkman submitted a blue chart time for the first time since 2019. And what a way to make a comeback. Axe got a 1:18.3 on rMC3. Really solid stuff, glad to see you back! #225 (#166) ElecTrick got a handful of PRs to grab 10 spots with a 9.5 AF cut, good job Mr. Rainiosmile. Highlights are a 1:44.6/33.5 duo on MH (nice Legend D on the flap), a 2:04.1 on BC3 (beats me by a full second lmao) and a 2:23.4/46.7 duo on BC No-SC that’s his best ranked 3lap and 2nd best Flap, quite the show for quite the push. Top 200 is coming slowly but surely… #228 (#178) Jeroen Schepers improved his MG Glitch to a 46.4/13.5 in October, but also improved on Yoshi Falls Flap?? Now that’s a random category to PB in. He still got a decent time there with a 18.8 but all that wasn’t enough to prevent a .9 AF gain. #236 (N/A) Darien Bawpers only gets mentioned because he got 3rd Oceania on CM Glitch with a 33.3, nice job and thank you for giving me an easy time to write about you #238 (#146) Luca R only got one time as well (thank youuuuuu) and it’s also a banger (congraaaaaaaats) this time on KC No-Glitch with a 2:19.9. Hella impressive when you see the rest of your timesheet, congrats on the sub! #248 (#184) Zyxis I just noticed that name would be so OP in Scrabble it’s insane. The guy played BC3 Non-SC and rBC No-Glitch in September and finished with a 2:19.4 and a 2:33.7 respectively, along with the 2 mandatory flaps which are of the same level. All of his times are CR btw cuz he’s from North Macedonia (the Americans are balding just like their eagle). BC3 not being useful for Combined AF however, he ends up gaining 2.5 AF and losing 2 spots on the leaderboard. Sad. #251 (#167) Ragemodepigeon got a 1:43.8 on Raceway in August, dipped for the rest of the year, then surprised us with a big return in 2024 by setting 8 PRs on LC, DKS, BC Non-SC, rSL and rSGB in the span of a week. Brilliant start of the year right there. Much like his fellow updater ElecTrick he got his best for the News on BC with a 2:23.6/46.6 duo (your times are so similar lmao). I can also mention the 21.9 (nice sub) and the 25.5 (nice… non-sub) on LC and rSGB flaps getting onto Top 100. All of this made him barely fall short of Top 250, but with a month of January like his there’s no doubt he’ll get there by the next Update. Good luck lad! #270 (#195) Hockeylord900 isn’t from Canada but from the US?? With THIS name?? Oh well. He still timesheets and gets his first appearance in the News, enjoy the game! #271 (#158) Alex Friedman unloaded many times on August 31st, 2023. Did he set them all at once or were they set on one day? The world may never know. His accomplishments on this day will be honored with the dedication of National Vector Day for all future August 31sts. #279 (#226) Graden makes rSL glitch only to get a fucking 2:02 because he drowned twice on lap 3. Korben has found his successor. Next time, switch to magi, the glitch may be harder but at least you won’t be cursed! #292 (#185) Ivo Bril continues his journey to improve his timesheet in order of cups, and so this News cycle (I should rather say this August lol) the man improved his BC to a 2:23.270, it said .279 on his profile but then I checked the forum and it appears the parser tricked me and updated his time to be .009 slower and without the vid as well. I hate you parser. At least now it’s fixed lol. Anyway, he then tackled RR which doesn’t seem to fit him well, it’s his worst ranked time by a landslide (815th as I’m writing this) with a 2:37… We’ll see how he handles this obstacle when he comes back! #296 (#205) Woomy enters Top 300, AND GOT MG CANADA TOPS!!!! ROLL TIDE #297 (#245) Emil Lönquist has been on a long quest to improve his timesheet. Nice rYF time and nice entry in Top 300! #298 (#170) Anonymous idk who this is, but the anonymized name reminds me of the SMK players when Faizer was allowed on MKSC leaderboards, good times Who? (300+) #310 (#223) Ncsr. sounds like nascar. vroom vroom thats what he did on the racetrack, getting numerous pbs all over the mushroom kingdom. Out of the many times he submitted this period, every single on was either Hero or King standard. Very consistent. #335 (N/A) YangMK6 just made a bet with Falco that he'd beat all his times by 2033 so he went to work on some tracks. There’s a long way to go buttttt I think it can happen with the biggest will and dedication. GLHF on rWS tho lmao. #355 (#208) Pablo Hernangòmez you might have the most Hispanic name I have ever heard. I like it. #380 (#237) Greg Finke did some rYF stuff hittin a 59.140 and 18.493 on 3lap and flap. dont mess with texas #381 (#244) VNix. changed his discord pfp and was for a few weeks a completely different person, Flash McQueen the great Karter was no more, but now he’s back to normal again! I guess getting that Kart WR on DC with a 1:31.550 really made him say “I’m him”. He even beat the diddler, contributing in beating all of his KWRs. Truly a brave soldier. Ka-chow! #396 (#274) Leila FalB Massanova enters top 400 by getting a truckload of PRs in December, although the PR I’m gonna highlight is the Goldmine Glitch cuz it’s a 37.5 that’s her best ranked non-GV time, congrats! Top 400 isn’t the only thing FalB entered this News Cycle though as she’s now part of the mod team of the TT server, and needless to say she, alongside the other 2 people we hired, is doing a great job already. She also had a hard time understanding accents in french, but dw cause everyone does  #400 (N/A) Ryan Billingham comes back from the dead??? Because his last PR was in 2012??? And he comes back with a fucking 1:35.5 ON rDH NON-SC THAT MAKES SPEAR TOPS?????? i am losing it #405 (#252) Princessje11ybean got a 2:23.5 on BC3 Non-SC and a 1:33.1/16.2 on WGM Glitch in August then went back to being inactive. Okay I guess #410 (#236) Fireball Takes out the opponent’s King tower to join the battl- I mean the leaderboard, good luck on the charts! #411 (#232) Gus.. got some PRs worthy of his placement okay everything seems normal there’s that 1:33.3 on rMC that’s quite good and… 1:18.605 ON rMC3 WHAT okay I give up nothing makes sense in this game (go play DC or DKM please I beg you you’re great with Mach improve your timesheet) #414 (N/A) OrangeYoshi gets random times and then randomly I see a fucking 1:09.568 on LC how does this keep happening, and then I look closer and I see a fucking 2:28.8 ON RAINBOW ROAD I guess you learned Kart for this if so gj but how do y’all lower-ranked people do to get such times it’s ridiculous! #416 (#268) Chansey is still the tankiest memer on the public TT server and by a landslide. When are you gonna evolve tho, like it’s been 84 years and you’re still holding onto that eviolite set? I’m waiting for the glow up!! #480 (N/A) Jacob Desmond-Hooper must’ve gotta a new Wii as an early christmas gift because dude went ham in mid-late december, desmond hooper will be a december name remembered for the ages #514 (N/A) Russell Horwood comes back again after a full year to bring us a PR on… rDH flap. Apparently he made the glitch as well cuz his No-SC PR is slower, even though he’s not even in the Top 500, so congrats I guess?????? #531 (#287) Ashley Taylor swifts on the charts with 3 PRs and a 10 AF cut, nice pun from me tbh I’m proud of this one (hydr8ion commentary: nice one whoever wrote this joke, now i cant wait for the mk diehards to say there is too much taylor swift in this news update) #546 (#289) Cole Gate is probably an alternate universe version of Cole Gilbert that landed in our reality for some reason. He even got a time on RR this News Cycle, one of Gilbert’s best times, do you really think it is a coincidence??? Anyway, remember to brush your teeth before going to bed! #569 (#309) Mattinatorr O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all of us command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. #578 (#) Leo Perna finishes his timesheet and thus gets his placement, welcome to the charts! #614 (#321) Charles Schrader this name lowkey sounds familiar but i have no clue from where it would be from, hes from Michigan tho so i automatically hate him. Please assert that Michigan’s national championship should be revoked because of the sign stealing or face a one news update suspension (so like a 6 month suspension) #618 (#312) Tony Rolens timesheet (hydr8ion speaking, i thought the days of “timesheet” posts were gone…, unfortunate.) (Arthur replying, this is supposed to be a placeholder lmao) #635 (#323) Phenom set a time on Peach Gardens that has the standard “Int D.” That reminded me of Initial D - Running in the ‘90s. That is now stuck in my head. (update: i did some research, apparently that is an anime, i just knew the song from the meme, i promise im not a weeb aaron) #638 (N/A) Robert Mc Kinnon why is he on here, he didnt set a single time in this cycle. nice mksc tas #646 (#327) MashingSapphic idk what ur name means but i like it; she submitted a ton of times throughout November and one in January, mostly in the Apprentice standard. Very nice work, excited to see where you go with the game! #663 (#331) Jack Sahaida submitted some times in August and December, but one of his times is ranked 690th, so im gonna bring that one up. #685 (#343) Lowercase got an emote named after himself in the TT server because I felt like it and is now in my mod team, yay (hydr8ion speaking, Arthur this is really all u wrote, ur so lazy, why does the news update take so long) (Arthur responding, this was supposed to be a start for his part because I thought of it while setting up the leaderboard lmao, I bet you found it funny too so I’m keeping it) #724 (#367) Justin JJ Morris literally has one of the coolest names i’ve ever seen. JJJM are nice initials, reminds me of JMM. Potential future Portuguese glitch kiddie rising the ranks? Maybe not, as I don’t believe Indiana is in the USA. oh yeah, mario kart wii, nice times #725 (#378) Liam Barr is the better Liam. Liam Ashcroft could never. #740 (#382) Dillon Karst timesheets his way onto the leaderboard, have a nice time karting with us! #767 (#405) John McArdle of the UK finishes his timesheet and also finishes the leaderboard for this update, welcome to the charts! FINALLY. Only a couple more things and this update is DONE. Procrastination never serves you right Karters, if you need to remember one thing from this shitload of words that’s this sentence right there. Delaying the update only gave me more work to do, and more stress and anxiety thinking about this update to the point where I sometimes doubted my ability to take care of it. Turns out I've finished it, and I couldn't be happier. I’m deeply sorry to all of you that expected and anticipated this News, this should be a monthly update and never should it remain silent for over 6 months like it just did. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this one, hopefully the next one arrives shortly after… Take care everyone. I love all of you who are keeping this game and this site alive and well. I hope it never dies. See you on the race track my friends ^^ Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Luke Brown beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"682 with a time of: 0'21"590 Jay Rangthale beat the old Moo Moo Meadows crs time of 1'15"321 with a time of: 1'15"273 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad's Factory crs time of 1'44"308 with a time of: 1'44"178 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad's Factory lap time of 0'31"770 with a time of: 0'31"592 Keita beat the old Mario Circuit crs time of 0'47"583 with a time of: 0'46"553 Shane Hogan beat the old Coconut Mall lap time of 0'04"122 with a time of: 0'04"120 Blake Germany beat the old DK's Snowboard Cross lap time of 0'33"758 with a time of: 0'33"741 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Daisy Circuit crs time of 1'28"424 with a time of: 1'28"372 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'15"932 with a time of: 0'15"854 Carter Clem beat the old Maple Treeway lap time of 0'23"692 with a time of: 0'23"608 JAYOO beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"872 with a time of: 0'02"785 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Dry Dry Ruins lap time of 0'32"492 with a time of: 0'32"491 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Moonview Highway crs time of 1'42"987 with a time of: 1'42"872 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Moonview Highway lap time of 0'33"000 with a time of: 0'32"991 Alex Shoal beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'41"885 with a time of: 0'41"722 Vincent Nguyen beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"711 with a time of: 0'14"675 Justin Hitchcock beat the old DS Desert Hills crs time of 1'30"990 with a time of: 1'30"603 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GCN Mario Circuit crs time of 1'30"224 with a time of: 1'29"945 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GCN Mario Circuit lap time of 0'27"191 with a time of: 0'27"105 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'20"584 with a time of: 2'17"997 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'32"459 with a time of: 0'29"752 No-Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad’s Factory crs time of 1’49”074 with a time of 1’49”039 Jack Gluesing beat the old Toad’s Factory lap time of 34”819 with a time of 34”806 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 1’55”412 with a time of 1’55”264 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 43”726 with a time of 43”678 Luke Brown beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 35”530 with a time of 35”486 Fraterz beat the old Bowser’s Castle lap time of 45”903 with a time of 45”760 Luke Brown beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 crs time of 2’16”222 with a time of 2’16”183 2ndmatt beat the old GCN Mario Circuit lap time of 28”451 with a time of 28”324 Luke Brown beat the old N64 Bowser’s Castle crs time of 2’30”582 with a time of 2’30”573 PLAYER AWARDS: Oh boy here we go playing catch up again Player of the Week: - May 1 : Nobody - May 2: Arthur'Oww happy birthday me I'm officially a french adult (we don't have the stats for May and literally nothing happened sorry to improvise) - May 3: Nobody - May 4: Lawrence for 2 WRs on KC Glitch - June 1 : Darien Bawpers for getting up to 3rd Oceania on CM Glitch with a 33.3, beating Mitch in the process - June 2: Nara Hiero for getting a new WR on MG Glitch, beating Justin's 1000+ days old WR with a 3.771 (.116 cut) - June 3: Danny Boy for getting his maiden WR on RR with the first ever 2/3 glitch run - June 4: Keita for cutting more than .6 off of his own MC Glitch WR to a 46.553 - July 1 : JAYOO for his pretty rDH times in both Combined and No-SC - July 2: Hydr8ion for making a 12 minute video on how he pranked Bickbork by deleting his 1:30 on rMC - July 3: Ultra_Pear for getting an amazing 3rd WW placement on rSGB Glitch, his best-ever placement - July 4: Luke Brown for getting the 1st Flame Runner WR on LC Flap using the ramp - August 1 : Arthur'Oww for not dying of an unknown disease (unlike the stats page during this week, hence why the award) and actually getting a decent placement at his local Smash Bros tournament - August 2: Ryan Lynch for breaking into Top 200 - August 3: LOGAN KEBABBY for saving the month with the only 3lap WR on TF No-SC and for getting 3 Flap WRs on 3 different categories on the same day - August 4: Carter Clem for getting his 2nd Flap WR ever, improving on MT Glitch - September 1 : Arthur'Oww (for real this time) for getting from a 59.997 to a 59.466 on rYF, from one of his worst times and tracks to one of his best - September 2: Arvo Koskikallio for a cool 1:48.9 on DKSC, he was balling that week - September 3: Fraterz for getting his maiden Flap WR on BC Non-SC, smashing Justin's time by .143 to get a 45.760 - September 4: LOGAN KEBABBY for breaking the 1:30 barrier on rMC Glitch with a 1:29.945 - October 1 : Danny Boy for getting his 2nd-ever WR, on rBC Glitch - October 2: Falco for getting his first Flap WR on his Ace track rWS with a 35.132 while beating Justin's 1000+ days old time - October 3: Shane Hogan for getting 2 WRs on CM Glitch... And cutting 2 milliseconds with those 2 records - October 4: LOGAN KEBABBY for his 1:42.8 on MH - November 1: Spencer Sassak for getting Top 200 in Unrestricted - November 2: Arvo Koskikallio for overtaking Jack Gluesing to reclaim his #3 placement (if Jack G has one fan, it's him) - November 3: VNix. for getting his 2nd Kart WR, on DC, being a multi-KWR holder for the first time - November 4: Nara Hiero for reaching Top 50 of the first time with a good set of PRs - December 1: JAYOO for gaming on the GV rock (he got 3 Flap WRs) - December 2: Vincent Braixen for carrying the WR scene with a 5 PR streak on CM No-Glitch from a 1:55.360 to a 1:55.264 - December 3: Aaron_W for the stormblitz google doc - December 4: Owen Smith for getting his long-awaited WW Top on rYF and giving us the biggest popoff of the year alongside it - January 1: Arvo Koskikallio for accomplishing his destiny and breaking the unbreakable tie between him and Wiilord95 on MC No-Glitch (this historical era will never be forgotten) - January 2: Alex Shoal for pioneering in 2024 and getting Flap WR on BC Shortcut using the Spear and the new ending shortcut - January 3: Blake Germany for commenting Logan's run at AGDQ 2024 (ZCubed isn't on the site to also claim this award sadly) - January 4: Arthur'Oww for doing a 6.5 hours long stream to write the News Update, as his first ever stream (Jayu said it was the best stream to put as a background) Player of the Month: - May: Will Marable for his AF cuts, we don't have the numbers because this is written in January and the stats page has archived them sorry - June: 2ndmatt for winning the Master's Tour (he beat Nota 5-0 in the final cuz he didn't submit anything) - July: JAYOO for great AF cuts and great Non-SC times, proving that the lad could actually drive, that put him in Top 50 Unrestricted - August: Exploder for a PR streak that granted him a Top 50 placement and a 10 AF cut - September: Will Fury for his AF cuts (this is becoming redundant) jumping from #245 to #199 with a 41 AF cut - October: Mitchell Healy for getting up to the Top 10 in the Combined AF charts - November: YangMK6 for betting with Falco and thus embarking in a 10-year long journey to beat him on 32/32 tracks (bro really wants his money) - December: NITROFOX setting PRs left and right and climbing the charts like crazy (from #182 to #119 with 28 PRs and a 72 AF cut) - January: Jyran Liebs for being on a roll with PRs and breaking into Top 50 Combined Player of the Quarter: - 2nd Quarter (April-June): LOGAN KEBABBY for being the undisputed World #1, in a trimester where many players shined briefly he was the one to remain at the top at all times. He set WRs every month. - 3rd Quarter (July-September): Mitchell Healy for climbing the ranks at light speed to establish himself among the best players in the world and the undisputed best of his continent - 4th Quarter (October-December): Arvo Koskikallio for getting more PRs than ever, cutting AF even though he's #3 in the world, and anchor himself even more in the MKW hall of fame MEMES OF THE “MONTH”: That's right since we left you with no meme of the month for so long you get 2 memes of the month how cool is that   - Arthur’Oww, yours truly, helped graciously by his fellow coworkers in Ben Hurley, Jayu and Hydr8ion. |
Read this sentence to die instantly you stupid moronArvo @ Saturday, July 15th 06:23PM [link] |
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| Hello. Did you miss me? It is once again time to spend once of my fleeting vacation days roasting the entire community, further wasting my limited time on this earth. First of all I would like to say that I have not read a single news update this past year because everyone writes fucking boring news except me. I am far more creative, witty, funny than all of you, and still so humble and down to earth with no ego problems what so ever. To restrain my urge to type multiple racial slurs in a row into this part of the news update I think it's best to just list off the old boring WR stuff before my ghost uploading privileges gets taken away by the MKW new world order (spoiler: the jews control CTGP) Kasey improved his rPG by a tiny bit but we all know that it would still be a spear track if it wasn't for nintendo's hatred of automatic and knowingly creating stupid chain chomp cycles, not a real WR in my book Logan got 3 WRs. Very impressive since he said he would quit 3 years ago to pursue a college degree. Very peculiar indeed! Some random child using the wii wheel got WGM glitch wr Luke (Most washed up player in MKW history) used a new strat that saves .150 a lap to barely get a WR on BC3 that lasted like 3 weeks lololol Vincent N was grinding the new RR glitch until Neptune (yes I am deadnaming him, his new name is stupid) got a 2/3 run. He will truly go down in MKW WR history as a revolutionary player as the likes of Konata, 4vex and Arvo. (Randoms who fluked a WR and nobody will know who they are in 5 years) Sosis got a few MMM wrs to make ZeldaCubed cry (he will never get a WR) kei pushed MC so far that Logan will never get that WR again, respect Braixen's paranoia of not having the CM glitch WR took over him and he just had to get another one. Bro like nobody else has even tried the new thing you don't have to stress so much Oh yeah and Lawrence got KC glitch WR but everyone knows that glitch doesn't count Kierio04 uploaded a stupid youtube short that contained false information There is a player on the site called "FEET TOES". I just want everyone to let that sink in for a moment. Ok yeah that was pretty boring but give me a break I'm old and out of touch and these news updates can't write themselves (actually we did some tests with ChatGPT and I think they probably can write themselves soon) Let me do some of these sections that the new kids added Anniversaries July 15 1799 - The Rosetta Stone is found in the Egyptian village of Rosetta by French Captain Pierre-François Bouchard during Napoleon's Egyptian Campaign. July 15 1941 - Nazi Germany begins the deportation of 100,000 Jews from the occupied Netherlands to extermination camps. July 15 1983 - Nintendo released the Famicom in Japan. July 15 2006 - Twitter, later one of the largest social media platforms in the world, is launched. The end of the world is put into motion. July 15 2012 - South Korean rapper Psy releases his hit single Gangnam Style. COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: Russia because you know we all love Russia! Woo!!! Congratulations Russia!!! TRACK OF THE MONTH: rWS because I went on random.org and had it choose the track of the month and it chose rWS QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “MKW is the lowest skill to acknowledgement ratio of any speedgame I've ever seen” ZeldaCubed, June 25th, 2023 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Some days had been rough for me last year and something that really put a smile on my face was watching CP videos at night.” SpicyDorito08, March 16th 2021 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "Permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent." 1 Timothy 2:12 This news update covers from 1 May 2023 to 15 July 2023 New Players: Razz. (i recognize this name from mogi lounge so safe to assume he's a virgin) Rey00 (only played 2 tracks apparently) Cqrt3r (i have no comment about this username choice) Gus.. (Mf wanted to be called Gus so bad he used 2 DOTS FOR THE 5 CHAR LIMIT) Liam Barr (The new Paul Allain) Top 10 #4 Arvo Koskikallio Yeah you know we at the top!!!! I played some rSL thanks to inspiration from Aura. He might have outmatched me but we're both on regs now so I am happy. Then did some GV glitch and got a time, DKS flap also and got WW tops after about 73 hours of attempts, 3lap coming soon (not soon at all) #3 Jack Gluesing He might be ahead of me on the AF charts but this is my news update and I choose who's on the top!!!! He played like a million things and completely destroyed my podium position. Some of the highlights were making the RR glitch and falling off afterwards Korben style. Also got a 1:58.3 BC3 sc which is just fucking nuts what the hell. I could go on for so long with the praise but I will just say that you're a god damn monster at this game, may the rate of your progress be everlasting. Check again next year and I will put you ahead of me in the next news update I write, that's a promise #5 Vincent Braixen Yeah he got that cm thing #6 Vincent Nguyen is a better man than me for 1:15 MMM, also the previously mentioned RR glitch and also 1:58.5 BC3 how is everyone so good at BC3 all of a sudden also 2:27 RR, I wonder if thats with the Twinkle Star idk cba to check. Then he also made rWS glitch. I need to move on to someone else because I'm getting too jealous at godlike abilities on categories I am god awful at 11-25 #16 Indy Kambeitz is like, getting some times including a 1:50.6 on rWS. weexy #17 Mitchell Healy got a 1:49.827 on rWS glitch. Everybody laugh. #18 Jay Rangthale yeah the MMM stuff you know it already #19 Eclipse let's look at the definition of Fatality's fancy new name! Eclipse: A falling into obscurity or decline, also: the state of being eclipsed. "His reputation has fallen into eclipse." yeah sounds about right he didn't really get anything that good #20 Doge. TF 1:49 quite tasty, other times weren't tasty enough to note down #23 Dane Allen TF 1:49 aswell!!! But unfortunately runs into the same issue as Doge. #25 Jake Harrison got a 1:48.2 and was so embarrassed that the vid of it is unlisted. You need to work on your confidence buddy 25-50 #26 Ross Coleman bruh what year is it, this dinosaur still plays? Yeah he's washed as hell what are these random times #29 Kevin Miller had to suffer the terrible fate of receiving messages from lowercaseletters just so he can relay them onto me (still not sure why) MKW-wise he got nice subs on RR and rSL flap. Congratulations! #30 Luke Brown other than the previously mentioned he got a 1:09.287 on LC with the bowser bike. Jokes aside that's absolutely fucking nuts #36 Ryley Carroll dude literally drove a 1:49.2 on TF glitch 3 days ago to get a news update mention. He couldn't play for months due to unbelievable grief from Sanna Marin losing the Finnish prime minister title so it's fair, hope you're coping. #40 Jacob Fitzgibbon played some cheeky LC but mostly spent the months looking up obscure sports facts #43 Neptune got RR 2/3 of course, also he got rWS 1:50.7, LC 1:09.5 and TF 1:50.9. I made those last 3 up, sorry about that #44 Lawrence got a run on RR glitch (wow what a surprise) and CM glitch and KC glitch and TF glitch flap. Wait wtf he also got 1:15 on MMM. So he can play something else than glitches i am shocked 51-100 #53 JAYOO, the proud holder of the fastest lap in MKW history got MC 50.3 (wow!) and CM 33.2 (wow!) and GV2 glitch 52.4 (fuck you) and rDH 1:33.9 (just kidding) and 2:00 rPG (also kidding) #54 JMM435 got a 1:57.7 on CM. Knowing JMM i am sure he did infi tricks in this run #55 Exploder got PR's on like 90% of the tracks there aint no way in hell im going throuh allat #58 Claus got a 2:05 on MT in the year of our lord 2023. Dude you gotta get with the times and get on that 2/3 game (inb4 that is a 2/3 run) #60 Alex Shoal made his annual return to prove to everyone and he's still got it and the arthritis has not completely destroyed his frail joins yet. He got WW tops on rSL. You can just tell from his timesheet that he is 40 years old since he still doesn't have a BC3 no sc time over a decade after it became a recognized category #72 Nara Hiero did what #72 Nara Hiero does best, randomly getting a WR on a sub-5 second flap category. This time it was on MG. You can tell tiktok has ruined his attention span just by looking at his top times, man can't concentrate on driving for more than 5 seconds. He also got a time on WGM glitch flap but that is a whopping 9 seconds long so it was only ww tops. #78 Nathan Socholotiuk had himself a sub session, getting 1:51 rWS, 2:13 BC glitch, 2:22 BC ng and TF 1:50. If you can't sub what's even the point of playing anything. #80 Mo No finally got his 1:49 TF, skipping .9 altogether. Divine justice for him. #90 Idriz is one of the players of all time. His nearly 450-year old comeback after getting 1:17.5 on MMM back in 1547 is completely out of this world. Getting a 2:06.5 rDS in 1994 really put him on the map, but the fact he is still getting times nearly 5 centuries after getting into MKW is something else. #100 Acquiesce is one of the great artists of the game. His tormented soul weeps for recognition that often slips through his fingers. This time his sorrow-filled driving lead to a 1:21.960 on MC and a 59.194 on rYF. I sympathise with you my brother-in-arms, for this game is a mere repressed memory within your deepest desires. The players that are starting to get hard to write about #103 Franco cheeky old 2:12.5 bc and 2:30 rr #106 Cederic rank 69 on rSL glitch haha #124 Jadid got 2 times that don't make the top 150. Literally what do you want me to say #126 James Collins ok shit there's a ton of vids I can say something funny here! OK his TF 1:52.0 description says he really likes the bgm he used but he didn't like enough to say what song it was. Thanks. Also there is an error message at the end of the video that I've never seen before. Thank you ObeisantBug 3808 (fuckin Cicada 3301 ass username) #138 Flooferdog 1:16.7 MMM. First sub? Don't know. Leave a video response telling us if it is. #154 Mystogan oshit 1:50 WGM that's pretty dope also 1:16.911 on MMM never forget #164 Supreme prince viktor #172 Kenny M got 1:50.944 #181 Evil Tyler Blevins GOT THE BIGGEST AF CUT! HOLY SHIT! LETS GO EVILNINJA! YOU ARE WINNER! #183 Kenneth Bernales omg yes this is the guy who has never glitched in his entire life except that one time on GV and even then he didn't get a flap, only 3lap. Yeah he got DDR 1:51.6 thats amazing #187 Teovoni69 1:44 mh and other selected times of june 2023 #193 Fraterz you know what these times aren't even bad I cant even hate on you. still aint mentioning them tho #195 Falco 2:18.7 KC holy fuck a highly ranked time #197 Troy Howard didn't do anything but I love rhodechill so much that I have to include him The players that I truly can't say anything about so I'm just on autopilot #201 Ryan Lynch got 1:59 CM. Probably had it before. Don't know. #203 Ben Brophy plays americ anfootball and got 2:18.7 thats pretty ok like i think #205 Shawn Berry 2:04.6 rSL and 1:49.2 rWS. I love you Shawn, even if you are from Ohio. #214 Xenophobia got a random ass DKJP flap 2 days after the last news update, I permit you to set another time now. #216 Sam Fairless wtf kinda boomer names do I see this news update. Oh yeah the new RR glitch, ofc he made that #217 Jeff Z has some of the best stream titles ive ever seen but he is not that good at LC, only 1:09.8. gotta be faster than that, superior bozo #219 Spencer Sassak this dude really made a vid for a 2:06.8 rDS but not 2:11.2 BCWii glitch #231 Brian Lai oh yeah BLCRAFT the WGM guy, he got 1:51.1 on WGM. #235 ElecTrick's profile picture may be permanently burned into my retinas but I've already forgot the times he got and I haven't even checked them yet #253 Silicosis, Silly Sosis. Willy Moses, Billy Doses. Yeah he got sub 2 on dkjp glitch can you tell that I have 0 will to keep on writing this news update yet #259 Ragemodepigeon omg i love ragemodepigeon he got 34 on CM glitch thats actually pretty good gogo Finding #278 Neemo's times: he got times many times #279 Dylan Lepeirtz ALRIGHT HOLD THE PHONE. 1:10.2 ON LC. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. #287 Graden haha 17.069 gv2 flap #293 Ivo Bril dude got a 1:45.1 on MH and wrote a description that was so long that it had to be continued in not 1, but 2 comments. I can't even knock that, that is the most alpha thing I've ever seen #299 Anonymous is doing a good job staying anonymous by finishing a timesheet of times that do not stick out what so ever #302 Woomy why is his new DKS flap like miles better than all his other times other than the 1:22.1 MC that he also got and definitely does ramp 3/3 #308 Emil Lönquist lives in sweden and because of that I am tempted to leave him out of this news update but he did get 59 on rYF so I'll give him a break ok hello I'm back I took an 8 hour break from writing because it was boring it is now 3 am and i will finish it #310 Will Fury man got 1:10.001 on LC massive rip bozo #330 Ncsr. didn't get anything of note #379 Greg Finke omg there is a commentary of his new 59.2 rYF i need to watch this, man you gotta hop earlier into the last boost panel, very nasty momentum loss there, good shit tho #1 LOGAN KEBABBY he got some times or something idk #402 .VNix RR main but no new RR times, nothing special #410 Gus.. finished his timesheet. cool beans gustavo #411 Leila FalB Massanova got a DKM pb peggio della maralia, sta run è ingurdabile! #430 Chansey got 1:20 on MC glitch #556 Ruben Cauchon got a 2:19 on DKJP and the video has an overlay with his MK64 DKJP time, true alpha hours #587 Mattinatorr set some crazy times in May and BOOOOOM July comeback with a 1:24.7 on MC what a hero #626 Charles Schrader even got a run in the top 400!!! (bc3 flap) #636 Phenom also got a top 400 bc3 flap but not as good. #661 Maya Taylor WITH AN INCREDIBLE #373 BC3 FLAP #681 Lowercase #723 Flora Novia just barely missed out on top 1000 on DC #734 Liam Barr has a god time on his timesheet. Better than Liam Ashcroft Site Records: Jay Rangthale beat the old Moo Moo Meadows crs time of 1'15"375 with a time of: 1'15"321 Nara Hiero beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'03"887 with a time of: 0'03"771 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 0'26"106 with a time of: 0'25"145 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'56"276 with a time of: 1'55"250 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'16"262 with a time of: 0'15"932 Neptune beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 1'56"554 with a time of: 1'24"751 Neptune beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"976 with a time of: 0'14"711 No Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 no glitch time of 2'16"366 with a time of: 2'16"222 So yeah even though this site is basically dead and the world is crumbling, there is still some laughs to be had. Remember to rate this news update 5 stars, especially for how informative it was about letting the reader know about all the times that were hit. See you next year if I'm still alive with a news update even more lazily written than this one (if you can believe it) Meme of the month: - Arvo |