Mario Kart Wii Players' Page

Merry Christmas, you have to mark rYF as nosc now :3

Daelyn @ Wednesday, December 17th 12:23AM [link]

Yo whatup, just woke up from a 3pm to 7pm nap and realised I need to write the news update, so here I am, getting ready to write some pure bullshit about this ancient artifact of a video game, this is my Christmas gift to you (and also because im broke as fuck and cant afford real gifts lol cry abt it).

Alright so what happened over the past month? We had 2 new ultra shortcuts??? One on rDS and the other on TF??? Woah!!! That's crazy!!! They both look just as easy as GV glitch so I assume humans will pull them off by next month, trust the process. Now we wait for them to finally clip the HWG (which is real) on the finish line banner on rMC3 for that track's ultra.

Alright now onto to the 3lap WRs, Starting off with KC glitch we have the return of Lawrence, he beat Kei’s previous WR here with a 1:54.973 and a new flap WR of a 15.419, no funny business with this run just your standard KC glitch run but a nice one at that, but we’re not done talking about KC just yet as Kei was quick to respond with a reclaim of his own with a time of 1:54.911, this run is huge as Kei decides to implement the 2 shroom glitch into runs, making the glitch itself a lot harder but you do get to keep a shroom for a faster lap 1 overall. After Kei crossed the finish line he looked up at the timer and saw a brand new WR on his screen, maybe he jumped up with excitement or nonchalantly stared at the screen aura farming, whichever it was that emotion quickly changed to panic as the game music cut out and his controller stop working, he would restart his console and load back into the game to find the ghost was missing and the time from his top 5 was also gone as if the run never happened, unfortunately for Kei it seems that his Wii U’s IOS messed up (theres prob a better way to describe it but i have no idea what im talking about) so the ghost never saved, he was able to get the run verified so it is counted as a WR but sadly the ghost file is lost to time.

Anyways moving on to Moonview Highway we have the return of Logan, he took a quick break from the Mario Kart x Tony Hawk Pro Skater Fortnite collab and returned to Mario Kart Wii for a quick WR to keep his yearly streak of 8 years going!

Now onto flaps (everyone cheers and jumps from their sweaty gaming chairs because we all know flaps are better than 3laps, ManILoveFlaps)

We start off with JC (shocker) on rMR glitch and he cut the flap WR by almost a whole second getting a 29.101.

We have JC again but this time he’s upside down, bouncing off the ceiling, inside out stranger to this feeling, got no clue what he should do, but he continued his journey on rDH glitch, he would get 3 quick improvements going from a 16.266 to a 16.065 within a few days until Blue Yoshi came out of nowhere and snatched the WR away from JC with a 15.885 getting his first flap WR, but JC was looking for blood and only 3 days later he would reclaim his glory with a 15.149 and he pushed this record down to a shocking 12.630, I think a new strat was used but i have the attention span of a goldfish and a lack of knowledge of this wheelchair nonsense but it looks crazy, congrats to both JC and Blue Yoshi for their efforts here!

Now onto something a bit closer to home, we’re back on the flame runner (or bowser bike if you’re feeling fancy) and the track this time around is WGM, Kei would use a different shroom strat seen in older TASes for this category, using a shroom shortly after landing from the pipe bounce, he would cut the previous WR held by Mitch by almost .1 with a time of 8.716, insane cut for a category this short!

Back to some shenanigans we’re back with JC on rPB and of course you guessed it, i guessed it, we all guessed it, he pulled off the superslide and beat the previous no glitch WR by .028 but it opened a new category and no one can take that away from him, maybe besides Arjun when he uses his perfect chain wheelie abilities. The ending of this run is pure cinema btw, congrats to JC on once again proving why he’s the best at this very niche tech in mkwii.

We’re actually staying on rPB but this time on the glitch category and who else but Mitch would beat Arrow's 5 year reign on the category by simply just being better, he would get 2 WRs in 2 days and ended it off with a 15.611, very nice!

Alright we got a big one here fellas, we move on over now to rYF, where we have one of the craziest flap WRs ever set in this games history, on December 12th, Blue Yoshi would set a new flap WR on rYF, this run opened up the unrestricted category for the track as it used the superslide, now usually with these runs that use the superslide the new wr only beats the previous no glitch WR by a small amount, LC was only .3, rMR was only .068, you get the idea, so you’d think that rYF would be no different, the track itself is so random and its very easy to be ejected from the superslide state on that track and the current no glitch record is pretty strong so surely the record would only be beaten by a few milliseconds right? Maybe a little .1 or .2 improvement? How about a .7 improvement over the last WR. Words CANNOT describe how insane this run is, he got the perfect luck to stay in the superslide for the last waterfall and stayed at 120K/MH for the majority of the flap, just over all insane stuff i cannot put into words how crazy this run is, way ahead of its time, huge congrats to Blue Yoshi on this achievement!

Alright last one for the night, the man Zoran makes his return to MKWii and he completely killed the greatest flap in MKWii history, usually for rSGB glitch flap you have to wait over 3 minutes before you go for an attempt, this is because you have to wait for a bomb to drop so you can clip off it, there is another method for this glitch as seen in the 3lap version with the Zip Zip but this version was never used for flaps, until Zoran decided to try out the bit bike to beat the current flap WR that still used the bombclip and spear, the bit bike has way better acceleration so the section after the respawn is pretty fast with this vehicle, he was trying this last year back in May of 2024, he would get a few high clips but never got the lap count, but it seems a spark of motivation pushed him back recently to try it again and he would pull it off with a new WR and got a time of 16.596, potentially ending the era of the bomb clip, a sad day for the unemployed.

Alright on to the timesheets and other stupid shit

COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: it goes to Botswana , because I went on a website and randomly picked it.

TRACK OF THE MONTH: It’s DS Yoshi Falls, because funny superslide.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I feel an impending sense of doom every time there a new supersliding world record. We will observe the same pattern with artificial intelligence in the next few years, the same way supersliding has ruined this game. We have renounced everything in the name of progress and inclusivity yet we are too blind to see that we are corrupting this game of its core skillful values, replacing it with the worst mickey mouse dogshit this game has ever seen. Supersliding was never meant to exist, yet the players in the community reward these accomplishments when they should be denouncing and putting and end to the inclusion of this warped, satanic ritual that is supersliding. Blue Yoshi, if you are reading this, it's not personal, you are simply a cog in the machine, if you didn't go for it, somebody else would have. The problem is societal : it is very telling of the community that they will accept this kind of cheating in their game. There is no happy ending to this. Supersliding has already gone too far forward and inserted itself slowly into tracks, it's no wonder the mkwii will eventually fall from grace. The community has indulged itself to the point where it does not know what it stands for.” - Skolyx, December 13th, 2025

QUOTE FROM A GUY WHO GOT MAD AT ME ON MOGI LOUNGE EARLIER TODAY: “Whoever this Daelyn person is needs to be put in rehab” - taco swauce, December 16th, 2025

This news update covers from November 15th, 2025 to December 16th, 2025

New Players:

New Players here
Emiddle (bros middle name is middle name im dead)
Maniac (anyone know this guy? Because personally idk_maniac)
Loganator (congrats on MH record)
Pixel (kinda shocked no one had this name before)
EvolveFire (awesomenamegenerator.com)
JAKINATOR (awesomexboxgamertaggenerator.com)
YouToo (me too?)
Adam Spry (“The name Spry is a nickname type of surname for a person who is lively and alert.” Bros the sigma male of mkwii)
Catfish (holy shit its the mkwii taser and mk7 and mk8 wr holder catfish its really him!!)
Maddie Spring (i think their pfp is hatsune miku but i honestly cant tell)
Jake A (main character syndrome)

Top 10

#1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz got Moonview Highway WR.

#3 Mitchell Healy obviously set the rPB flap WRs but also got a 52 on rGV2 no glitch alongside a 1:50.7 on WGM no glitch, some clean looking PRs this month!

#8 Danny Boy was talking mad shit about my lack of a rSGB glitch run, fucked up, but i can’t really talk shit back considering he got the 1:44 he was grinding a while for.

#9 Bynt. bro got a CRAZY run on DDR just a few days ago, went from a 1:48.0 to a 1:47.4, like who does that????? Crazy fucker.

11-25

#12 Jyran Liebs seemed to have gotten inspired by Mitch to play some rPB flap this month, he also played MMM flap for some strange reason. Is everything okay? It's never okay to put yourself though that kind of pain.

25-50

#31 Phyz Phyz didn’t play im just seeing things

#44 Daelyn dumb cunt still hasnt done rSGB, atleast I beat the lap 3 fire pillar on rBC and got a 2:32.4. That's gotta count for something right?

#45 Lawrence got 2nd worldwide on kc glitch :trollface:

51-100

#53 Dwt89_ disk drive broke and has to play on an iso and record handcam lol, he set a time on GV glitch and i think beat the fire pillar on lap 3 on rBC but I don't know for sure.

#76 StarBoi got a 1:09.5 on LC huge! Also played MC glitch flap (based)

#79 Noah Dalentoft has been playing DDR lately to ensure fawwe doesnt beat him there at all costs (based).

#91 Kitty has been spreading false information on my youtube shorts feed (how dare you) but he played MC glitch flap which is unusual for mogi mains like himself so he gets a pass, you can lie to me all you want.

101-200

#116 Pabloski is someone who is always hard at work and lately he got himself a 1:49.2 on DDR and a 1:43.9 on MH!

#120 Supreme set a mid 1:18 on rMC3 and a mid 2:05 on rSL nicely done.

#126 Alex Croteau set a 1:49 on DDR (noticing a trend as of late) and a 1:53.3 on rGV2, it seems to me that he can drive on other vehicles that aren’t spear unlike Mr.531 down there.

#130 Fraterz played rYF and got a 59.333, Chloie would be so proud, he also improved on his MH time and got a 1:43.8!

#132 Dylan Lepeirtz hates treeway more than anyone else here but she got a 2:19 (she might’ve had it before idk) but she also got the sub 1:14 on rPB and ruined her 59.999 on rYF, you will never be forgiven.

#152 StrikerBlizzard got a 1:44 on MH, don’t get too use to the TT car patterns they’re nothing like the online ones I've learned the hard way, he didnt play anything else because hes a true mogi main.

#174 Charlie Brennan has been GRINDING RR like ive never seen him grind before, he’s currently at a 2:27.2 i don’t see him stopping anytime soon, praying for him to beat Daniel in the next 1 week which is super realistic and is totally gonna happen!

#184 Ben Busche finds his way into the top 200 this month, nicely done! He set 11 PRs and cut over 34 AF!

#185 Skolyx yet another month where the guy who says he hates flaps, played flaps.

#187 James Muraski HE IMPROVED ON MG OMG!!!!!! HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CMON BABY LETS RECLAIM WW TOPS COME ON YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

#196 Beanzard64 started a series on his YouTube channel of him working towards a 1:49 on DKSC, in my experience with this game this time could take you 20 minutes or 8 months, either way we (yes we) will be watching this series unfold.

200-

#225 Fawwe is pissed off i didnt include red charts again (blue chart superiority) unlike most people he did NOT get a 1:49 on DDR (i feel your pain) he also got the sub 1 on rYF, about time he finished basic TTs 101.

#233 JMPin track hopped a bunch and set 12 PRs over the past month to cut 9 AF, nice!

#239 Woomy got a 1:49.8 on DKSC WAOW!! He also got a 2:33.677 on rBC which is really funny, like so insanely funny.

#263 Wicoin set 12 PRs this last month, including the funny track with the funny cars and the even funnier track with the funnier cars! He also recently discovered mogi lounge and has been playing it way to much (he played like 3 events so far)

#268 Pablo Hernangómez set some really strong runs over the past month, a 19.6 on GV glitch with a 3.3 flap, he also set a 1:22.7 on rSGB no glitch alongside a 9.6 on WGM glitch flap, this guys timesheet is always so funny to me, like half of it is times in the top 100 to top 20 and the rest are like top 500 times.

#283 Alice Dean got back to back 1:53’s on both TF and DKSC respectively.

#295 Kippito set 9 PRs and cut over 24 AF to get himself into the top 300, nicely done!

#335 Natty completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#336 Izumi played DC to farm a news mention, odd choice but who am I to judge

#344 Shojiro completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#361 Adam Maynard set 10 PRs over the past month, regardless of what rank he is, he is always the #1 Adam on the PP.

#362 Sergio got himself the sub 54 on rGV2 and has been playing a bit of GV glitch as of late!

#366 John Pace set a crazy 20.5 on GV glitch with the bit bike, people struggle to get that with the newer quacker strats, nicely done John!

#410 Satkins went on quite the grind there, set 17 PRs and cut 28 AF in the process, nicely done!

#423 Joshua N A also another player who has been on the grind, setting 13 PRs over the past month!

#439 Princessje11ybean only played flaps this past month and some questionable choices like rYF, rDKM and RR.

#459 João S. only played WGM glitch flap with a kart, i think its flap kwr but im too lazy to check.

#474 Noah Lee set 25 PRs and cut over 55 AF to get himself into the top 500, very nice!

#479 Calum Sutherland hopped on TF and we haven’t heard from him since.

#487 Joshua Patterson came back after a year long retirement and set 3 quick PRs, see you next year for your next improvements!

#503 Absol bro just casually got a low 1:49 on DDR wtf??? Thats actually insane behaviour.

#505 Gianni B no idea if this person came back to this game after MKWorld or they just stopped playing mkwii around the same time MKWorld dropped, either way it’s a W for Wii and an L for World, congrats on your 4 improvements this month!

#519 4lerus set 50 PRs this month and cut over 124 AF, god damn, he cut through nearly 100 ranks this past month, the man is on the grind.

#531 Freemnt fucking finally got his 58 on rYF after getting like 8 paces a day dying to the waterfall lap 3, he improved it again and got himself 11th ww (Thomas’ 58.7 is real trust we’ll have the ghost by this weekend), ill take back my comment about him not being able to drive with flame runner the moment he gets a 53 on rGV2.

#544 NE MKPatsfan my goat returns with 5 PRs, they seem to have some form of hatred towards tiles due to their mii name being “tiles six” not sure what he did but im sure it was pure evil.

#548 Charles Schrader played MC and MMM, I'm so sorry you had to go through that…

#601 AfroGraggy set 3 PRs this month and 4 AF over the past month!

#629 Trenton Steinburg track hopped a good bit and set 8 PRs this past month.

#638 Mattinatorr sadly despite getting 4 PRs this month he lost AF, you hate to see it.

#645 Toby Hunt got his first legend time on MH flap! Nicely done!

#723 EvolveFire completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#775 Adam Spry completed his timesheet! Welcome!

And thats a wrap for the December news update and the final news update of 2025, thanks for reading me yap about useless shit for a few hours was fun to write as always see you all next month for January 2026’s news update, who knows maybe by then ill actually play rSGB glitch, only time will tell.

Site Records:

Keita beat the old Wario's Gold Mine lap time of 0'08"812 with a time of: 0'08"716
Keita beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'55"077 with a time of: 1'54"911
Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'15"702 with a time of: 0'15"419
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old Moonview Highway crs time of 1'42"872 with a time of: 1'42"868
Mitchell Healy beat the old GCN Peach Beach lap time of 0'15"659 with a time of: 0'15"611
Blue Yoshi beat the old DS Yoshi Falls lap time of 0'18"296 with a time of: 0'17"565
JC... beat the old DS Desert Hills lap time of 0'18"999 with a time of: 0'12"630

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Daelyn

Severe brain damage, dude got a mini truck on him

Daelyn @ Saturday, November 15th 08:47PM [link]

If you don't get the reference in the title just know I'm extremely disappointed in you and you should catch up on mkwii lore.

Welcome to yet another news update, despite this game being “dead” a whole load of bullshit happened in the past month including a whole bunch of tomfoolery, lets not waste anymore time and get into it!!!!!!

Starting off with the 3laps, the main man from the previous news update, JC, continues his domination on LC glitch, getting himself 6 new improvements going from a 1:06.340 from last month to a 1:03.904, literally what the fuck, in what world do we live in for us to have over 2 seconds shaved off on LC of all tracks in such a short amount of time, crazy stuff JC congrats on your improvements!

Moving on we go to rBC glitch where we see Tiles make his return to the track and reclaim the WR here from 117James with one of the craziest runs on the category so far, he gets a new BKS/Flap WR lap 1, does rail cut lap 1, the first WR here where the fire pillar lap 3 becomes a pace lock and the first 2:14 in the categories history, will we see a rivalry again like we saw at the start of the year? Will someone pull off a lap 3 glitch? Only time will tell.

Heading on over to rMC3, the drift king himself Luke Brown would finally improve on his WR after months of on and off grinding with a time cut of .005 but a WR is a WR, it seems like he’s still looking for that .7 so hopefully we see that soon!

Now onto driving sideways simulator also known as MG no glitch, we have Alperen improving on his WR twice, first with a 1:34.020 barely missing out on the sub, it seems like his spidey senses were tingling after seeing JC and Tiles play it again for the TT server event, he would improve again a few weeks later to a 1:33.862 shortly after flambambam got a new BKS, the man doesn’t play around, he will defend this WR like his life depends on it, best of luck to you Alperen and flambambam if you continue to play this!

The last 3lap category we’ll be talking about today is WGM no glitch and once again we have Luke reclaiming the WR here from Logan after almost 3 years, crazy stuff from the 3lap side this month!

Now onto flaps and we’re starting off with a bang, Finnish player Se Fish would make history on October 13th 2025, becoming the first player to pull off the DS Peach Gardens ultra shortcut, according to him it took 4 months, 822 seam swing attempts and 4 seam swings to make this glitch, the set up for this glitch is insane, it takes like 4 minutes and you have to be extremely careful to not fall OOB before you even get an attempt, crazy stuff Se Fish and congrats on making history.

Last month we talked about how rMR got its new category pulled off by JC using the superslide to beat Logan's previous WR, well last month we saw Mitch pull through and he beat JC’s superslide WR… WITHOUT THE SUPERSLIDE!!!!!!! He pulled off the 1st trick at the pipe section on the left side instead of the right side which saved enough time to make the new glitch category irrelevant… for a few hours until JC picked it up again and killed Mitch’s aura farming dreams, at least he still has the no glitch record.

Speaking of JC, the man can’t stop innovating and this time he has his attention on rDH and for once we’re not talking about super sliding instead he’s giving the lightweights severe brain damage. It started on October 27th when JC would implement the “wheelchair” strat (oh so chicken roll is dumb but wheelchair is fine?????????) founded by EPIK95 a few years ago, BlueFan77 would find a set up to get into the wheelchair state easier for RTA runs and JC would get a new WR on the category beating 117James previous glitch record by nearly 2 seconds, getting a 20.089 barely missing out on the sub 20 lap but luckily we wouldn’t be waiting long as just a few days later JC would improve on his own WR with 18.999, he never saw a 19 and he never will, but just a little over a week later to everyone's surprise BlueFan77 would get his first ever flap WR here with a time of 17.906, playing completely on vanilla MKW (he is currently parent owned and cannot install CTGP on his console, unlucky), unfortunate for him just a few hours later JC would improve on the WR again reclaiming with a cut of 1.001.

The original player to pull off the MC superslide last month, Japanese player Menon would reclaim the flap WR from JC, it seems that JC isn’t completely out for the blood as he has yet to reclaim it, but maybe i’ll eat my words in the next news update.

Who up bicking they bork rn? I know Bickbork is (its literally his name) as he got himself another flap WR improvement on rMC, for some reason he let his sister pick the BGM, tbh it's not even THAT bad, at least she didn't pick an MGK song.

This guy Tiles got like 4 flap WRs on rWS in just a few days from each other, going from his 34.933 to a 34.833, a whole .1 cut omg!!!!!

And to wrap up the WR recap we have FLX with a new rDKJP no glitch flap WR, he improved his previous flap WR by .038, awesome stuff!

Now into the timesheets and stuff! :O

COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: Without a doubt it goes to Finland, Se Fish’s monumental achievement put Finland on the map this month!

TRACK OF THE MONTH: It’s DS Peach Gardens, take a guess on why!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Yea yall irrelevant randoms talking mad shit abt people who actually made a legacy” - the youtube shorts guy, October 21st, 2025

TILES QUOTES OF THE MONTH:
"is jeffery epstein alive?”
"isnt tupac that one overwatch player?"
"Can you do auto hops in a super slide?"
"Which game came out first, mkwii or mk7?"
“I think I deleted the settings app”
''wasn't the smartest person in the world named epstein'' (he was talking about Einstein)
"Oh no! I hit the pokey" (when playing gcn peach beach)
"Can kart do superhop? It's like ODB"
"Is linkedin named after Abraham Linkedin?"

- Tiles, October 15th, 2025 - November 8th 2025

This news update covers from October 12th 2025 to November 15th 2025

New Players:

DopeyRL (william texas will be delighted to hear another rocket league player picked up mkwii)
Luca25 (the only documented romanian player ever in mkwii history)
Toby Hunt (who is Toby and why are we hunting him?)
Kaiden Browne (should’ve joined as DrainMySack)
Leo McMahon (we got 3 people who joined with their full legal government name, on everyones soul we stalking their Abraham Linkedin)
Absol (Carlos Eduardo finally has some competition)

Top 10

#3 Mitchell Healy outside of aura farming flap wr on rMR, Mitch got himself an OCR on DKSC and is currently grinding for a 52 on rGV2 no glitch!

#4 Arvo Koskikallio finally pulled through on a 1:28 on DC with the funniest lap 2 of all time, huge congrats on this accomplishment Arvo!

#8 Danny Boy returns to the real MKW and picks up TF on both no-sc and box clip, he got himself 7th American on 3lap box clip, and got ww tops on both flap categories, man is out here gaming like he never left!

#10 Bynt. got himself back into the top 10, nicely done! it looks like he was also grinding DC, getting himself a nice 1:28.8, sitting comfortably in 6th ww!

11-25

Wow, no one from 11th to 25th played rip.

25-50

#26 Jake Harrison is farming news mentions by not even playing! Idk how he did it but he’s done it, what a legend!!!

#31 Luke Brown got the rMC3 and WGM WRs as mentioned earlier.

#40 Intel Core improved on his ER on KC glitch, allegedly he missed the boost after getting picked up by lakitu, rookie mistake…

#41 Carter Zilla is farming views on youtube with shorts and farming news mentions by setting 1 pb in the past month on LC with a 1:09.6, better than a random flap i suppose.

#48 Daelyn ahahahahahha dumb idiot still hasn't made rSGB glitch :skullemoji: mfer really cant clip water :sob: :pray: atleast i fluked a 1:49 on DKSC within like 10 minutes of playing :100emoji:

51-100

#53 Dwt89_ yet another news mention farmer, smh i expected better from you (not really)

#55 Ultra_Pear HE GOT 2/3 ON RSL, HES LIKE A WHOLE YEAR LATER BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER AM I RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

#72 2ndmatt is it even considered farming news mentions if your only PR is a flap WR?

#76 StarBoi played TF box clip, i was fully expecting him to use mach bike but was Star(Boi) struck when i saw he used flame runner
#79 Noah Dalentoft grinded rYF for like a month to get up to a 59.2, he regained the ability to think critically and played other tracks, although maybe his critical thinking skills arent as strong as we think, he chose to play LC and skipped right to a 1:09.3 and it seems Tiles is coaching him on rWS lately, he also passed Kasper and is now #1 Danish player in MKW in terms of AF (the real way to determine skill as clearly demonstrated by me being in the top 50)

#92 Kitty got EmilP digits in their 1 and only PB this month, being DKSC flap, these news mention farmers man…

#98 Silicosis has been grinding away at CM no glitch, currently at a 1:58.3, very nice stuff!

101-200

#122 Entropy is on a generational run with a 2:08.1 on rDKM and 2:32.2 on rBC, keep going bro :pray:

#126 Alex Croteau the legend FINALLY got the 1:12 on Peach Beach, it may be his only PR this month but I’m not complaining!

#135 Fraterz 2:19.4 on KC, 1:52.9 on GV, 1:49.7 on rWS, 1:15.9 MMM and sub 2 on rPG, the man has been GRINDING, huge PRs this month keep it up!

#154 StrikerBlizzard what do you mean the mogi main is farming news mentions by playing KC no glitch for a 2:20, smh im very disappointed in you.

#159 Teovoni59 holy shit Teo played this month, it seems like he’s using his time away from lounge very wisely, although his category of choice was rMC3, the lack of mogis has changed this man.

#181 Charlie Brennan has been bringing his wii into college like every day, he got himself a sub 1 on rYF just yesterday, bro is literally doing TTs bootcamp 101 in the big 25, he also got a 1:19.000 on rMC3 (Chloie would be so proud) along side playing literally every flap category ever, at least he got himself into the top 200 because of it.

#188 Skolyx my favourite bit with Skolyx is seeing if he played flaps considering his opinion on them, and just like the last 2 months he's been playing flaps, I think he secretly loves them and doesn't want to admit it.

#194 Leah Fury got a really funny time on rGV2 it might be the funniest time in this news update.

#196 Ben Brophy got a very nice 1:29.8 on DC, gotta love that, huge congrats!

#197 Beanzard64 is continuing his no glitch activities, he set PRs on 3 tracks this month, rMR, TF and MH, nicely done!

200+

#206 Kenny M yet another person who is farming news mentions despite not even playing this month! How do they do it? The world will never know… (someone just submits a pb that isnt on the site so they show up here :3)

#216 Ben Busche got a 53 on rGV2, played TF box clip and rDS 3lap and flap, truly the categories of all time, he cut 12 AF in the process so maybe he knows something I don't.

#240 Fawwe HE DID IT!!! HE GOT THE 2:18 ON MAPLE TREEWAY, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS IN THE WORLD HE’S A LEGEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#246 JMPin looks like he got his first 1:09 this month and jumped right to a .8 too! He also got a 2:06 on rDKM sc and 2:20 on KC, very nice work!

#253 Skylar Waffle is back from quitting mkwii (no one quits forever) and her category of choice to farm a news update was rDH 3lap, goated track so i wont complain, also despite her hatred for supersliding she tried it out, still no PB from it so maybe her hatred is justified

#279 Wicoin only played flaps this month but he somehow got ww tops on rSGB no-sc flap, actually aura farming compared to his other times, what a guy.

#281 Pablo Hernangómez played peach beach glitch and cut 16 AF with it, now that’s how you play the game, the way Nintendo intended you to.

#286 Alice Dean played 1 category… and it was DDR 3lap, idk how to feel about this one, at least it wasn't a flap to farm a mention.

#304 Brick unhoarded a bunch of times this past month, the only thing he really played was DKSC and BC 3laps, got my hopes up for nothing
#309 .VNix the PP karting goat got a 2:25.999 on RR (Chloie would be proud) and a 1:50.7 on DKSC (beats fawwe on flame) despite strong times he barely gain any AF, truly unfortunate

#334 Kippito cut 23 AF this month (woah) 2 times that stand out the most is his MC glitch flap of a 9.3 and MG glitch 3lap with a 42.7, nice work!

#335 Izumi pulled through with a very nice 1:49.7 on DKSC, very nice!

#343 Orca. Completed their timesheet! Welcome! The CT main seems to have some pretty solid RT times, maybe if we gatekeep how to turn back on CTs he’ll stick to RTs for good.

#362 John Pace bro improved on 32 tracks, that's HALF his timesheet :skullemoji: currently he is on the GV glitch grind of a lifetime currently at a 21.0 with the BIT BIKE!!!!

#364 Sergio while I was mid typing the WR recap section he got a 2:32.8 on rBC while beating the lap 3 fire pillar, he also got his first 1:43 on rMR, nicely done Sergio!

#371 Adam Maynard cut 10 AF with 10 PRs, it doesn’t get anymore perfect than that, a time he set this month that stands out the most is his 38.7 on WGM glitch, almost in the top 100!!

#388 Wanderer got his first 1:19 on rMC3 this month, very nice!

#424 Satkins went on a track hopping adventure and got 22 PRs with a 46 AF cut in the past month!

#444 Joshua N A Completed their timesheet! Welcome!

#457 João S. was grinding a lot of rYF this month pushing his time down to a 59.2, also alongside that they got a Kart flap WR on WGM!

#480 Alec Cusa can never truly escape the news mention farmers, good job on the 1:10.4 on LC tho, get that 1:09 soon!!

#502 Absol Completed their timesheet! Welcome!

#513 YT_Valentin gained 2 AF with 2 PRs, it doesn’t get any more painful than that. He also has 667 AF which is so insanely funny for the people with an IQ below 12 (me)

#517 Noah Lee seems to be playing every category he can get his hands on, but its seems like its working out for him, cutting 36 AF over the past month.

#542 NE MKPatsfan omg my goat is back, oh how we missed you king, for some reason he decided he was going to play LC and MMM flaps, but you know what i don’t question the goat of mkwii maybe we should all play LC and MMM flaps.

#552 Charles Schrader played a very random selection of categories, MMM, rGV2 and rMC3 3laps and DKSC flap, maybe this is what true happiness looks like.

#553 Freemnt has been on a mission to try and go on the most torturous grinds ive ever seen from a man, over the past month this guy has been sending at least 1 video per day of him .1 ahead of Omega going into lap 3 and failing the bridge stick, someone please send help to his man ASAP.

#602 AfroGraggy got 4 PRs and cut 4 AF, consistency is key.

#635 -ARK- is NOT last unlike last time, he submitted 2 last minutes PRs to be included here 2:08 on rPG and a 2:01 on rWS, for rPG he wanted it to be clear that “Yes this pb's No i dont know why i suck at driving this track on flame runner cuz the turn after the hedge maze is stupid as hell” anyways i will take this as an opportunity to say that George still doesn't have a 1:09 on LC!

#639 Mattinatorr played rPB flap and only rPB flap.

#641 Trenton Steinburg played both DDR 3lap and flap, cmon bro get that sub 2 on DDR!!

#647 Toby Hunt Completed their timesheet! Welcome!

And that's all folks, see you all next month for another news update, I’m very tired, ive been up since 5am lol, hopefully i didn't make a billion mistakes like the last few times lmfaoooo

Site Records:

JC... beat the old Luigi Circuit crs time of 1'06"340 with a time of: 1'03"904
JC... beat the old N64 Mario Raceway lap time of 0'31"249 with a time of: 0'30"024
JC... beat the old DS Desert Hills lap time of 0'22"960 with a time of: 0'18"999
Luke Brown beat the old SNES Mario Circuit 3 crs time of 1'17"821 with a time of: 1'17"816
Tiles beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'15"291 with a time of: 2'14"817
Tiles beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'27"724 with a time of: 0'27"632

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Daelyn

More supersliding shenanigans

Daelyn @ Saturday, October 11th 06:11PM [link]

Yeah thats right, 2 months in a row of news updates! No one believed in me, everyone was saying "there's no way the monthly news update would actually be monthly” but I proved those haters wrong!!! (no one said this). Last month I made like 300 mistakes and typos, just for the record they were all intentional!!! So if I make a mistake or typo this month it’s sorta like an easter egg and not me being stupid!

Anyways, what happened over the past month? Is that another pause buffering poll I see? Will this poll be the last one? Will this fix the issue once and for all? No, no it wont but maybe it’ll shut people up about it for at least 3 months until someone brings it up again.

Shortly after the previous news update, the man JC got another LC superslide 3lap wr getting a nice .349 cut from his last WR, he sadly didn’t do the SwareJonge start slide this time smh, although he does have over a second lead over 2nd which is so funny to see on LC of all tracks.

Now onto some flaps, Japanese player Menon would set a flap on MC with a time of 24.575… using the superslide creating yet another new category surely this will be the last one?... right?, apparently Ejay was the first to do so a few years ago but he never saved the ghost, unlucky! Menon would improve 2 more times first with 24.431 then again to a 24.383 but it wouldn’t be too long until JC would prove he is the king of the superslide beating Menon's run with a 24.288 and again with a 24.023!

Tiles would return from his like 3 month break and get the rWS nosc flap WR out of nowhere! beating Chaos’ time with a 34.933, a huge day for the Irish people!

Now onto something huge, at the end of Ejay’s LC superslide video from a few months ago he talked about how a superslide on rMR could be used to beat the fast lap WR, but the big question was, would anyone go for it? Of course someone would and I’m sure you all know who it is. JC would become the first human to pull off the rMR superslide and get a flap WR that beat the no-shortcut flap WR with a time of 31.249! (btw yeah you need to mark rMR as nosc sorry :3)

And onto the last flap WR category we will be talking about tonight, and once again we’re talking about JC, he would once again reclaim the LC glitch flap WR from flambambam with a small improvement of a 19.218 before completely destroying it a few days later with the first sub 19 time of a 18.821, with a big meta shift, using automatic instead of manuel which helped him build more EV compared to on manuel, maybe we’ll see this meta change on the 3lap? Only time will tell.

Anyways onto the other stuff but before we do, HUGE HUGE shoutouts to Nara for updating the flap WR spreadsheet. It hadn't been updated in like 3 months and it made my job here so much easier!

COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: Although it pains me to say as an Irish person, it has to go to the United Kingdom, JC has proved himself to be a big innovator and is making his country proud!

TRACK OF THE MONTH: It’s N64 Mario Raceway, I once again don’t have to explain myself.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Marcus if you were on 1:08.6 pace and your house caught on fire do you think you would be fast enough to upload the time to ctgp before your house burns down” - salaryman, October 7th, 2025

TILES QUOTES OF THE MONTH:
“wait is wii 60fps?”
“Wasn't DKJP tree clip found in 2008?”
“My mom likes to watch people fall down stairs on facebook, it's like a new trend”
"are the water cycles on rpb rng?" - Tiles, September 13th, 2025 - October 9th, 2025

This news update covers from September 14th, 2025 to October 11th, 2025

There are 3 new players who have joined the site over the last month! Make sure to welcome:

Natty (noticing a lot of british players play ddr lately)
Lucky Seven (he’s living that gambling life, I gotta respect it)
Orca. (he accidentally turned off cts and doesn't know how to turn them back on)

no where close to Fawwe (Top 10)

#3 Mitchell Healy is pretty lonely at the top, but at least he’s still grinding hard, getting a nice OCR on rMR barely missing out on WW tops, hopefully soon he’ll be able to pull through on that!

not quite (11-25)

#11 Bynt. got himself a very nice 1:47 on dksc and he switched to flame runner for rPG, he called his original flame runner pb “Operation correct vehicle: rPG” which i highly disagree with #SpearManual4WR2026

#12 Jyran Liebs might be farming news mentions but his 1 PR for the month was a 2:18 on KC so who can complain?

#13 Exploder omg hes back!!!!!! exploders back everyone!!!!!!!! Nevermind no he isnt!!!!!!!!! He just forgot to submit a flap he got like a year ago!!!!!!!!!!!!

one step closer (25-50)

#27 Jake Harrison only PR’d on rDH sc it seems, he might be the only person who has played that category in the past 6 months, also the parser really hated his submission for some reason like the video refused to work but eventually it caved.

#38 Jacob Loerzel played but the stats page doesnt recognise red chart only times so i had to self insert him here myself, he played rDKJP nosc flap and nothing else, he was very upset that i used the S word and for that im very sorry, although if we look at the leaderboards we see that he is #1 in the S*gn clip category but not the Tree clip category… (unrelated but play my custom wordle!)

#40 Intel Core woke up in a cold sweat after Blue Yoshi beat him on KC glitch and grinded lap 2 attempts until he reclaimed it, classic Core, defending his ERs like his life depends on it although he has yet to reclaim MT from Korben, not a good look icl.

#50 Daelyn found myself into the top 50 yesterday after track hopping a bunch, no notable PRs from myself besides my beautiful WGM glitch run that is so amazing might honestly go for WR with those insane pipe bouncing skills of mine

we’re getting there (51-100)

#53 Dwt89_ got a 1:49 on dksc with the freakest shroom spots ive ever seen in a 3lap run, he also got TF nosc flap ww tops, wowzers!

#72 2ndmatt someone submitted some old ass pb from bickbork (it was probably me) and now he shows up here even tho he didn’t pb on nothin, he was streaming rYF and MC “Trying for a miracle” although he didn't try hard enough, unlucky!

#83 StarBoi got the Mach Bike BKT on rGV2 glitch and got a 2:20 on KC with Mach Bike as well. I wonder what his favourite vehicle is? Does anyone know?

#84 Noah Dalentoft got a 1:49 on dksc with a freaky cut lap 1, he also beat Fawwe to the 2:18 (ahahhahahhaha) and as of late he has been pushing a boulder up a hill, also known as playing rYF best of luck to you on that!

#98 Silicosis as predicted from last month he had made his way into the top 100 sadly meaning this is an end of an era as WiiLord95 is no longer in the top 100, Silicosis would send in 7 PRs and it was enough to get him into the top 100 good stuff man and hopefully we’ll see you higher in the ranks over the next few months!

so insanely close (101-200)

#125 Alex Croteau is getting dangerously close to the 1:12 on rPB, atm he's at .022 but i have no doubt in my mind that he will get it by next month if he continues to play!

#126 Entropy got himself a very nice low 2:32 on rBC woah! He also got his way into the top 100 on the red charts (he might’ve gotten there last month or earlier but icba to figure that out) maybe soon he’ll be top 100 on blue charts? I see he has played some glitches recently so it's not out of the question!

#138 Fraterz got a 2:17 on MT and a 2:28 on RR, 2 really solid pbs for the month good stuff!

#142 ElecTrick our irish wii wheel friend here set some nice milestones in the past month such as a 1:13 on rPB, 1:32 on rMC and a 2:05 on rSL, good stuff ElecTrick!

#158 StrikerBlizzard got himself a sub 1 on rYF, even mogi mains can play pure garbage (although lounge is basically pure garbage) he also got a 1:50.6 on dksc which beats me (bitch) good stuff Striker best of luck on gsc! (but not too much luck because we wanna win)

#178 Thomas Ullrich the man Ice improved on his rBC glitch run and does the rail cut on lap 2 and 3 after hitting a wall, a lot of people say he could get the WR with his current driving so maybe we’ll see if he pulls through on it!

#184 Hockeylord900 unhoarded a bunch of PRs to be in this news update, smh these news mention farmers are something else….

#190 Skolyx continued to play flaps, he got a spiral skip flap but the parser mistook it as a 3lap run as it usually does, i think its quite ironic that he thinks flaps are irrelevant but plays what some may argue is the most irrelevant flap.

#200 Beanzard64 picked up RR kart and got himself a very nice 2:29 there, its very rare we see glitch goblins play no glitch, perhaps we’ll see some more no glitch activity from this young man soon?

i get to bully Fawwe very soon (200+)

#206 Charlie Brennan got himself some nice improvements over the last month including a 44.8 on CM glitch which he said was his oldest 3lap pb standing, he is getting very close to being in the top 200 so maybe we’ll see him there soon!

#231 Joe Beaton stats page is lying to me Mr. Joe “Ace” Beaton did not get any improvements over the past month. At least he's lookin fresh!

#258 Fawwe AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HE DIDNT GET THE 2:18 BEFORE THE NEWS UPDATE LOL!!!!!!! 2:19.000 IM DEADDDDDD :SKULLEMOJI: I DONT CARE IF HE BEATS ME BY NEARLY A SECOND HE STILL DONT GOT NO 2:18 IM FUCKING CRYING BRO .000 OMEGA AHH BRUH BRUH BRUH, ok im sorry congrats on the 1:43 on mg and the mt progress please dont give us a -40 pen again in gsc.

#269 JMPin set 17 PRs over the past month but sadly missed the 1:09 on LC, cmon man I know you can do it!

#279 Wicoin set 29 PRs over the past month (what the fuck thats like half a timesheet), Wicoin has been hard at work on rSGB no shortcut over the past few days currently at a 1:22.419 but it seems his focus has shifted towards rBC, he’s a hard working man and soon enough his new found meta in MKW clan wars (classified information) will bring us to victory in GSC

#302 Pablo Hernangómez is another dude who decided his fate would be rYF, he currently has a 59.4 and by the looks of things he's far from done, best of luck to you!

#330 Robert Hunter just another unhoard smh.

#333 Brick he may be farming news mentions but at least its a rDKM 2:08.4 so I'm not too upset.

#341 Izumi Completed their timesheet, Welcome!

#368 Sergio just like ElecTrick, he would get a 1:32 on rMC, the wheelers have been on a roll with the 1:32s as of late!

#373 Adam Maynard set 23 PRs and cut 66 AF, Great stuff!

#388 Dudu. is continuing his farming of news mentions, atleast this time he was honest about it in his submission

#413 John Pace Completed his timesheet, Welcome!

#461 Satkins has been working on his rDKJP glitch time, although Invincible wouldn’t be very happy with the strat your using but as long as you don’t draw any attention towards yourself he doesn’t need to know, shhhh…..

#468 Cade Johnson set 6 PRs and cut 6 AF, consistent I see.

#548 Noah Lee set 39 PRs and cut 81 AF!!! He’s been on the grind of a lifetime, I saw he pulled off MT glitch which isn’t something you see very often down here maybe a glitch arc is upon us with this man right here

#550 Freemnt Complete his timesheet! Welcome! It seems like our friend Marcus is a spear specialist, in a year from now he will have all spear BKTs and all we can do is bow down, but for now we don’t have to worry!

#636 -ARK- is the last person we’re talking about for this month's news update, he and George raced to see who could get a 1:09 on LC first, at the start of this race ARK didn't even have 1:09 splits so it seemed clear that George would be the first to do so, BUT HE PULLED THROUGH ANYWAYS AND BEAT HIM LMFAO WHAT A GOAT.

And that's a wrap, this month's news update was so much easier to write compared to last months, hopefully we can keep this streak going with monthly updates! Also HUGE shoutout to Arvo for creating the format for this news update, last month i did everything manually so this saved a bunch of time! See you all next month!

Site Records:

JC... beat the old Luigi Circuit crs time of 1'06"689 with a time of: 1'06"340
JC... beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'19"243 with a time of: 0'18"821
Keita beat the old Wario's Gold Mine crs time of 0'31"756 with a time of: 0'31"536
Emil P beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'08"608 with a time of: 2'08"537
JC... beat the old N64 Mario Raceway lap time of 0'31"317 with a time of: 0'31"249

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Daelyn

"Mark LC as nosc"

Daelyn @ Sunday, September 14th 01:51AM [link]

Hello everyone, Daelyn here! Arvo and Arthur have like j*bs or smth idk, but luckily for them ive been declined every single j*b application ive ever submitted so I have more free time than I realistically should!!!

It’s been a while since the last news update so let's not waste any more time and look into the WRs that have been set over the last few months.

Starting off on Rainbow Road glitch, Core would finally reclaim the record from Beanzard64 setting a time of 48.643, also getting Dry Bowser his first 3lap WR in the games history, genuinely one of the most impressive glitch runs to date.

Moving on to Wario’s Gold Mine, Poyo continues his domination on the track, continuing to implement the pole bounce strat into each lap, starting the month off with a 31.539, which sadly had a mistake and the end unable to get his wheelie out which costed a few milliseconds, but he wouldn’t stop there and a few days later he would improve once again to a 31.515 and one last time to a 31.344 completely skipping a .4, he also pushed the BKS’ down to a 30.912, so maybe on day we’ll see a sub 31 on the category, only time will tell.

Heading on over to Koopa Cape glitch, Kei would reclaim the WR here for the first time in over 2 years, beating Lawrence’s 716 day old WR with a time of 1:55.077, also in this same run he would get the flap WR on lap 2 with a time of 15.702!

Now we have a very important WR to talk about and one we’ve been waiting for, for many, many years, Japanese player Nugget would make history finally subbing 2:20 on Bowser’s Castle no shortcut category. Originally tying Zeke’s 2:20.001, Nugget would finally pull through and get the legendary sub with a time of 2:19.883, a run that will be remembered for generations.

Talking about legendary runs we move onto GCN Waluigi Stadium’s glitch category, Ray would finally pull through and get the 2nd ever 2/3 glitch run, beating Hunter’s legendary 1:31.987 a run that people thought was unbeatable and they thought it would be become the longest lasting WR in the game, but never underestimate mkwii players because we are all psychopaths.

Now onto more Mushroom George ODM madness, JC would claim his first ever WR on this category after months of grinding with a time of 1:35.306 beating Tiles, but only a week later a familiar face makes his return to the WR scene on MG, the man, the myth the austrian, Alperen would finally reclaim the WR here with a time of 1:35.242 and would improve that time down to a 1:34.687 just 4 days later, absolute cinema.

We head on over to N64 DK’s Jungle Parkway’s spiral skip category where we have Mitch doing what everyone else was too lazy to do, actually play this category, starting off with a 2:09.061 beating Luke's former WR by almost .3, then setting the first 2:08 here with the goofiest lap 1 I have ever seen in my life, then finally ending his grind off with a 2:08.432 having almost a whole second lead over 2nd place.

Alright the moment you’ve all been waiting for, we move on over to Luigi Circuit. After months of waiting Ejay B finally uploaded his LC superslide flap documentary on August 10th (Link to Ejay's video), shortly after the video was released people scrambled quickly to try to perform it themselves it would take 8 days but flambambam would pull through with a time of 20.642 implementing a new entry into the flap and also the ending cut to the end of the flap which saved a lot of time over Ejay, over the next few days both flambambam and JC would shave down the flap record down to a 19.243 by flam.
But we’re not done talking about LC just yet, in Ejay’s video he showed off a possible 3lap run using the superslide, but who would be brave enough to pull it off? Well of course it was flambambam, the man cannot stop innovating with ODB’s. During his flap grind he found a more consistent set up for the clip and was able to get high clips and seam stops more consistently and would eventually beat Kasey’s no glitch WR with a time of 1:08.126 the birth of a new category for 3lap… but he wasnt the only one playing it, the following day JC would beat flams WR and set the first 1:07 with a 1:07.855 on the category (without the full start boost btw), flam would answer shortly after and set a 1:07.759 but it wouldnt be too long before JC would reclaim it 2 more times, first with a 1:07.249 and then he would set an insane WR 6 days later of a 1:06.689, crazy stuff is happening on LC and it might not be over just yet, we’re just gonna have to wait and see.

Alright onto flaps (ill be quick): Starting off on Bowser’s Castle shortcut Joeblase would change the meta here to bullet bike, also using the ending strat with it and shaved the WR from a 41.252 by KingAlex to a 40.704.

Moving onto N64 DK’s Jungle Parkway spiral skip, Mitch would claim the WR from FLX and shaved the record down to a 40.737.

Flambambam would reclaim the flap WR on MG from Tiles pushing it down to a 29.500 (crazy that this doesn't use the wallride strat)

Tiles would claim the N64 Bowser’s Castle flap WR from 117James pushing it down to a 27.724 with some freaky ass strat.

There was also another pause buffering poll and countless discussions, which has led to nothing, this is due to the fact that nothing ever happens ever.

The last news update Arthur was in shock he had to talk about 134 player timesheets but guess who gets to look at 179 player timesheets!!!

COUNTRY OF THE 135 DAYS: It goes to Australia, with Ejay’s innovation on LC and Mitch’s improvements on rDKJP the Aussies have put themselves on the map.

TRACK OF THE 135 DAYS: It’s Luigi Circuit, I don't have to explain myself.

QUOTE OF THE 135 DAYS: “dwt how do you like your liberals sir, with or without the blue hair?” - Cewz, July 13th, 2025

BRAINDEAD QUOTE OF THE 135 DAYS: “You are really stupid if you think the game wants you to do a stupid setup drive for 40 seconds then do the mt off the zipper and use all three of your shrooms to get the fastest lap. It's obviously a tool for normal people to see which lap they did the best. God time trial autists are so disconnected” - Skylox, August 24th, 2025

This News Update covers from May 1st, 2025 to September 13th, 2025.

Say hello to- oh my goodness there are 37 new players

Matthew Lakin (bro put his government name everyone stalking him tn)
Stylish (im sure they dress themselves very well)
Liv Harper (the streak of british people end here)
Freemnt (in deniable about his controller rumble)
Cabbage (bro named himself after a vegetable im dead)
Skolyx (most positive person in the community)
Simeon (oh no the british are back)
Cam Troy Russell (this dudes name reminds me of that old ct pack camewel, twd98 and sword made like 20 years ago)
Jordie Rose (do NOT google this persons name)
Jhones (brazil)
Dylan Nguyen (Vincent N’s long lost brother)
Abatori (is ranked 1420 on MG, aura farming)
TheJameser (hes the most James James out there no one out James him
4lerus (who is lerus? What's in it for him?)
Thundrem (finnish underdog)
Billztr (this the type of name you see when someone cant get their OG name)
Polarstar588 (xbox generated gamertag)
Wanderer (this dude is more Wander then the paster Wanders out there)
CyLouie (he’s like 6th or 7th worldwide on kc glitch)
Riley (bro only played rYF and nothing else i can see why we havent heard from him since June)
Swim. (mogi main)
Wicoin (dutch champ 2030!)
Mushroom George (his best track isnt even MG, fraud)
André (a rare portuguese player they only show up once every 8 years)
Connor Bawcutt (Bawcutt? More like Bawbutt ahahahhahahahahahah)
Laughing Stock (atleast have some self confidence)
Ernesto Mezzasoma (unhoarding a legendary timesheet from 2011 - 2022)
Squid (Squidward)
Hyper_chU (Country - Unknown)
Prime 0 (we got the pre sequel)
Noah Lee (happiest mfer in the TT server)
Brett Walter (welcome back Brett please don’t start another pause buffering debate)
Joshua N A (fym you’re not available)
Ethan Cort (Ethan wake up)
Blue Yoshi (actually stuck to a category for once and is 4th ww wtf???)
John Pace (is always on Pace, its his last name)
JC… (MG ODB and LC superslide this dudes brain needs to be studied)

Crackheads (1-10)

#1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz only played BC sc flap with the bullet bike, it seems now he’s playing the new and fake MKW, truly unfortunate.

#3 Mitchell Healy obviously got the rDKJP spiral WRs as mentioned earlier but also played the no glitch category before getting himself a nice 5th worldwide spot, he also played MC glitch and also got 5th worldwide there, bro is actually just 5th maxing.

#4 Arvo Koskikallio played DDR and nothing else besides aura farming with GAMT in GSC.

#8 Danny Boy passed both Fox and David in the AF charts, the young man is making big moves, also got himself 1:31.3 on rMC, played the new LC superslide strat and got himself a sub 20 flap and also got the site record on rSL glitch flap!

”I’m not addicted i can stop anytime i want (11-25)

#11 Bynt Only played 2 categories, LC no glitch 3lap for a nice 1:09.1, he also got a 1:50.5 on WGM no glitch getting himself 9th American there!

#12 Jyran Liebs set 13 PRs over the past few months and moved up 5 spots that's pretty big for someone this high up in the charts, he was able to get all of the OCE tops he was missing along side a 2/3 on rSL (better late than never) and also got his first OCE record in almost 2 years on rDKM sc, great work Jyran!

#13 Exploder set 5 PRs this month but the big one that sticks out is his 1:15 on MMM which he claims that it might be his last PB on this game for a while as he moves onto other things like w*rking a j*b and having a f*ture.

#18 Dane Allen was a bit of a grinder, setting 10 PRs and moved up 2 spots, he got the sub 2:05 on rDS and got some other great times like a 1:31.4 on rMC and a 2:10.3 on BC sc, keep up the great work!

#22 Kevin Miller got unbanned from lounge recently and the only category he played was BC sc flap, he did not use the bullet bike and stuck with ole reliable flame runner.

#24 Indy Kambeitz only played MMM and got himself a 1:15 real nice!

Alcoholics (26-50)

#27 Jake Harrison played rSL and got a 2/3 once again better late than never

#28 Shane Hogan continued to play MG with ODB and got a 1:36, he also pulled of RR glitch back in April but it was never submitted so ill mention it now #IrishBias

#30 Joeblase got the BC sc flap WR as mentioned earlier and nothing else.

#31 Luke Brown used the bullet bike on BC sc and got himself 2 ww at the time he set it, he was also working on his rMC3 WR hopefully you get it soon!

#32 Phyz Phyz played a bunch of categories this past few months, he picked up the bullet bike and got the ending strat on BC sc flap and also played the 3lap category for a 2:10.8, got himself a 1:48 on TF box clip, he also played CM glitch, rDKJP glitch and rBC3 shortcut, a lot progress this month from ya boy Phyzzzzzzz!

#35 Caleb House did not return and did not play but the stats page says he did so congrats Caleb!!!

#37 Nick Meade set a new PR on rDS, meaning he doesnt have to use his old ass 2011 ghost data when he makes his new timesheet video (huge) but it seems as of right now he has also fallen victim to playing the new and fake MKW smh.

#38 Jacob Loerzel had a tragic fail on rDKJP glitch and currently still hasn’t taken the WR from Core back, atleast he still has Sign Clip BKT! #SignClipSpecialist

#40 Intel Core got WR on RR as mentioned earlier but also claimed ER on TF box clip, improved on his ER on rWS glitch and to no one's surprise he also picked up on the LC superslide and only barely beat Luke’s no-sc flap wr.

#41 Carter Zilla got himself 10th ww on DDR with a 1:47.466, he would improve this time recently with a time of 1:47.341, but had no game music on so the run doesn't count anywhere, truly unfortunate.

#50 Jacob Fitzgibbon played LC flap, KC flap and MC flap all no-sc, truly the category choices of all time.

Stoners (51-100)

#58 Daelyn oh shit that’s me! I got myself a nice 1:09.4 on LC, I grinded KC glitch for 2 weeks and got 2:09.705 and it was like .050ish off ww tops lmfaooo, i also got a 1:31 on rMC, a time i should’ve gotten months ago but gave up because I don’t got that gambler mentality.

#59 Dwt89_ got banned from everywhere but that didn’t discourage him from finally getting rBC glitch and getting himself a nice spot at 9th worldwide!

#61 Will Marable oooo what do we have here a 1:49.2 on DRR and a 2:31 on rBC no glitch, big Will making big moves out here!

#62 JMM435 farming news mentions with a 2:15 on rDKJP no glitch smh smh

#72 2ndmatt finally set his 1:08 (its not on the pp someone remind me to update it when im done writing this ty) on LC knocking Mitch off ww tops meaning now if you get a 1:08 there's a small chance you wont even be on ww tops crazy world we live in. After his LC journey he played rDKJP glitch and was going for a 2/3 although i have no idea if he pulled through or not.

#76 Hedwig another man who played BC sc with the bullet bike, got himself 3rd ww with it, huge!

#85 Noah Dalentoft got 20 PRs, cut 77 AF and passed 59 people holy shit, the man has been on the GRIND, soon to pass Kasper in the red charts for #1 Denmark, I believe he also finished his 64/64 Legend standard grind for no shortcut over the past few months, crazy stuff Noah!

#86 StarBoi got himself 6 PRs, some that stick out to me are a 1:49.1 on DKSC, 2:11.1 on BC sc and a 2:01.0 on rDKM sc, great stuff Star!

#87 ArthurOww played rDH flap and that's it, sadly missing out on the French CR by.016 truly unfortunate, maybe next time!

#94 Kitty despite being a mogi main, he set 21 PRs and cut 48 AF (wowzers), also despite being a mogi main he played some glitches like CM, GV and WGM, I’m sure your 2v2 teammate will be very glad when you clip out of bounds on CM and lose the mogi over it!

#97 Cole Gilbert like Caleb didn’t play but his timesheet was all fucked up so he shows up in the stats page, so we’ll pretend like he played, Congrats Cole on getting 12 PRs and cutting 144 AF truly inspirational!

#98 Daniel W finds his way into the top 100! He set 13 PRs, he set a 1:16.6 on MMM, 1:09.8 on MC glitch, subbed 2:30 on RR, and also subbed 2:06 on both rDS and rSL, very nice work Daniel!

Tweakers (100-200)

#108 Silicosis the second part of his name is very close to Sosis’, anyways! Silicosis set 36 PRs and cut 66 AF, the man is on the rise and perhaps he might be the next person in the top 100 next month, we shall see, although if he does get it, it’ll be a very sad day to the WiiLord95 fans as he is currently 100th rn.

#117 Clip80 bro died for like 3 years just to return and get a 1:32.480 on rMC

#118 Franco another guy who died for like 2 years and set 2 pbs one on WGM glitch with a 41.5 and another on rSL with a time of 2:05.9, interesting category choices here

#119 James Collins set a really nice 1:09.633 on LC that was 9th OCE, he also seems to be on the rDH grind, best of luck to you!

#125 Alex Croteau has been hard at work on rPB he went from a 1:13.6 to a 1:13.0, and it looks like he plans to go for ww tops to knock Liam off who has been on there for 12 years, best of luck Alex!

#132 Dylan Lepeirtz set 24 PRs to pass Kuigi and become #1 in Luxembourg on the red charts, nicely done! I will say she’s not too far off from him on the blue charts.

#137 Fraterz got the sub 1:51 on WGM, a 2:05.5 on rDS, barely missing the 1:49 on TF with a 1:50.0 and lastly got a 1:48.1 on DDR, stacked timesheet on the red charts although he seems to be full on anti glitch refusing to play any of them.

#145 Entropy is another grinder who has set 23 PRs over the past few months and has made his way into the top 150! Huge congrats!

#149 ElecTrick the wii wheel goat (unbiased opinion) got 15 PRs over the past couple of months, he got a legendary time of a 1:09.999 on LC (he is never allowed to beat this btw) he also got a sub 22 on the flap and he also got a 53.7 on rGV2, very nice work from our favourite Irish wheel player (he is 1 of 2 Irish wheel players)

#157 Leon Bisschops Makes a return after 2 years, setting a 2:00.9 on rPG and a 1:29.9 on DC, what a comeback!

#159 Proflix set a TF box clip flap pb thats 4th WW, thats nuts wtf lmao

#162 Teovoni59 got banned from lounge for being racist, truly unfortunate, at least he was able to focus on some TTs during his time away from lounge, setting 6 PRs over the past few months.

#171 StrikerBlizzard completed his timesheet! Welcome! Unfortunately he is a mogi main. Hopefully one day he will fix himself.

#184 James Muraski despite being away in the military he finds a way to farm news mentions by only setting 1 PR, at least it was MH flap so not the worst option out there.

#186 Falco took some time off rWS to play some other categories like DKSC, rBC and TF box clip for a flap, he has set like 30 BKS’ and like 16 BKP’s but the game wont allow him to get what he wants sadly.

#190 Spencer Sassak got his first top 10 regional time on rDKJP no glitch with a time of 2:12.484, huge congrats on this accomplishment Spencer!

#192 Hockylord900 it says he set 2 PRs but his last PRs were in February, what a fraud, it also seems that he too fell victim to playing the new and fake MKW, smhh.

#193 Leah Fury set 4 PRs over the past few months, it also looks like they beat the rBC gold star on CTGP (i think) good work!

#200 Beanzard64 has been GRINDING, he got a sub 1 on MC using 3/3 woodless (peak MC glitch strat), he pulled of KC glitch and was on WW tops for a while there, he also set his first 1:09 on LC and a 1:18 on rMC3 (yes he set 2 WRs before getting those 2) and it seems that he is grinding for a 3/3 on rDKJP, best of luck to you!

Stayed sober their whole life (200+)

#208 Skolyx completed his timesheet! Welcome! Despite his hatred for flaps he played some! What a hypocrite!

#209 117james got a 1:29.7 on DC getting his first myth time on no-sc, although it seems he has been a bit quiet lately.

#217 JWR56 completed his timesheet! Welcome! Another wii wheel prodigy, you love to see it!

#221 Charlie Brennan finally got his first UK & Ireland top 10 time on RR no gitch, he got knocked off again by JWR56 but recently reclaimed it, he also got 35 PRs these past few months and cut 52 AF, what a grinder.

#229 Sam Fairless picked up LC super sliding with the wii wheel, crazy stuff, although he doesn’t have flap tops because he doesn’t beat Luke, unlucky!

#239 Woomy set 5 PRs over the past few months but one that really stands out is his 2:07 on rDKM no-sc, nice stuff!

#252 Skylar Waffle finally got ww tops on MG no glitch after a few months of grinding, she also got a 1:32.6 on rMC before sadly leaving the game for now.

#257 Zyxis set 4 PRs over the past, getting a 1:32 on rMC and a 1:18 on rMC3!

#261 Fawwe HE FINALLY DID IT HE FINALLY GOT ITALY TOP 10 ON MAPLE TREEWAY NO GLITCH, HE GOT A 2:19.317!!! AFTER SO MANY MONTHS!!!!! He also got 47 PRs (holy shit) and cut nearly 100 AF (holy shit) he also founded Team AF the new greatest clan in MKW and soon we will take over the world.

#278 JMPin set 50 PRs, holy shit that's like his entire timesheet, he also cut 79 spots on the charts! Bros been on the GRIND.

#285 Ncsr. got what looks to be his first 1:09 on LC perhaps? Very nice you love to see a 1:09 on LC!

#299 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson has the greatest name on this website no doubt, he got a 1:41 on MG no glitch, I can’t lie i was NOT expecting that

#301 Liam David set 13 PRs, but I refuse to talk about any of them due to him being a “dirty goon” according to his “other info” control yourself Liam.

#318 FeysalA stats say he set 4 PRs but his last PR was in February, I was once again fooled, he has a 1:49 on rWS tho so I can’t complain

#322 Jack White farming news mentions with a 1:22 on MC no glitch smh smh

#330 Brick only set 4 PRs over the past few months and the died over the summer, at least he got a sub 2:10 on rDKM.

#331 Pablo Hernangómez pulled off rSL glitch and got a 37 on WGM glitch, very nice PRs to set!

#332 Wicoin completed his timesheet! Welcome! He has some strong times already, perhaps we’ll see him in the top 100 very soon!

#335 Felipe Vega set 27 PRs and oh my goodness they’re all insane, 1:49.4 on DKSC, 1:48.2 on DDR, 2:00.3 on rPG, 2:31 on rBC and 1:43 on MH just to name a few, how are you so low down here you should be like top 50 wtffff

#341 Weekeat had set 9 PRs, I saw a 1:20 on MC and had a mini heart attack before realising it was a glitch time, fooled once again.

#344 Kippito set 30 PRs and cut nearly 80 AF, also getting himself into the top 400! Congrats!

#344 Leila FalB Massanova has been hard at work on the new pp, although she might be going insane, playing categories like rMR flap and rMC3 3lap is very bad for one's mental health, although it could be worse, you could play something like rYF or rBC3.

#382 Sergio set a nice 1:09.8 on LC and also got the sub 1:52 on WGM no glitch, he is not letting the limitations of the wii wheel slow him down!

#388 Dudu. played 1 category, news mentioned farmer.

#388 Wanderer completed his timesheet! Welcome! Also the first and probably only AF tie this update.

#395 Skye Ball gets her way into the top 400 with 14 PRs, cutting nearly 18 AF, congrats!

#408 ChromaQ set 5 PRs, but sadly lost 6 spots in the process, unlucky.

#418 Greg Finke didn’t play for a whole year and returned with 1 PR on WGM glitch, cinema

#421 Adam Maynard unhoarded his whole timesheet and cut 187 AF, the biggest so far this news update, and he cut 148 ranks.

#433 Princessje11ybean has the 2nd best name this news update so far, they set 3 PRs but sadly went down a spot.

#443 Chansey set 6 PRs but went down 5 spots, actually tragic.

#447 Billztr completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#452 João S. completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#456 HazzarUK set 2 PRs and they’re both pretty solid, a 1:18.5 on rMC3 and a 53.3 on rGV2!

#474 Alec Cusa completed his timesheet! Welcome!

#479 Cade Johnson got 4 PRs but sadly lost 7 spots, truly sad.

#482 Deven Ramchandran set 5 PRs but also fell victim to losing spots despite PRing.

#490 Satkins got 42 PRs and cut nearly 100 AF woah!!! He also pulled off both rDKJP glitch and rSL glitch big moves out here!

#491 Jorim Laanstra got 37 PRs and cut 21 AF!

#498 Gianni Barletta set 28 PRs and cut 51 AF, he also set a MT glitch time which is always nice to see!

#501 Jack Guice yet another news mention farmer, smh.

#508 YT_Valentin set a really solid 37.2 on WGM glitch but sadly he lost 3 spots, out of respect I will subscribe to you on youtube.

#537 NE MKPatsfan THE GOATTTTTTT, HE SET 9 PRS AND HE MIGHT’VE LOST 4 SPOTS IN THE PROCESS BUT NO ONE MAKES THE DKSC JIMMEY WITH ZIP ZIP LIKE THIS MAN RIGHT HERE (please come back we miss you goat)

#549 Charles Schrader set 18 PRs and cut 15 AF!

#549 Jade Sploon completed her timesheet! Welcome!

#566 Nathan Hayter dudes a big Hayter, haha get it?.. Anyways he set 26 PRs and cut 80 AF and got himself into the top 600!!!

#601 AfroGraggy Complete his timesheet! Welcome!

#602 4lerus Complete his timesheet! Welcome!

#605 Noah Lee Complete his timesheet! Welcome!

#612 LEMONADE set 19 PRs and cut 21 AF!

#627 Frio. Complete his timesheet! Welcome!

#638 -ARK- set 17 PRs and has been on the rise, Olifré better be scared of this man, the new Belgium goat is here.

#665 Borat the greek goat is here and he set 3 PRs but once again he too fell victim to losing ranks losing 12 ranks in total, he has been grinding MKDS as of late and he’s pretty insane over there!

#666 SebTheNoob314 or as i would like to call him SebTheDevil666, set 1 PR to farm news mentions (i dont call him the devil for nothin)

#698 John McArdle set 6 PRs but lost 12 spots just like Borat, very sad, you better come back soon or you will fall down into the top 800!!

#740 Matthew Babiak set 10 PRs but luckily he didn’t lose 12 spots… he lost 9 spots instead, unlucky!

#797 Logan Lewis Complete his timesheet! Welcome!

#807 ScarletPanther19 despite setting 31 PRs, she lost 2 spots, this might be the most tragic thing to happen so far in this news update.

#810 Ivy Rose took a break from MKDS to play some MKW (the real one not the fake one) she set 4 PRs but lost 8 spots.

#840 Aaron Jablonski is the last person on our list and he set 2 PRs and lost 11 spots (could you tell this was my favourite bit this whole news update)

And that’s a wrap, holy shit this took like 8 hours, i can see why no one did this for a while, anyways I wanna give a shoutout to Arthur, Arvo and Shadow for making this news update possible, I will hopefully be doing this every month, you guys shouldn’t be waiting this long for them and no one should ever go through the torture i went through tonight, Thanks for reading hopefully soon i’ll live up to the standards of Arvo and Arthur but for now goodnight

Site Records:

JC... beat the old Luigi Circuit crs time of 1'08"774 with a time of: 1'06"689
Flambambam beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"212 with a time of: 0'19"243
Keita beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'55"250 with a time of: 1'55"077
Keita beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'15"854 with a time of: 0'15"702
Joeblase beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'41"252 with a time of: 0'40"704
Intel Core beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 0'53"033 with a time of: 0'48"643
Danny Boy beat the old N64 Sherbet Land lap time of 0'10"463 with a time of: 0'10"242
Tiles beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'28"373 with a time of: 0'27"724

MEME OF THE MONTH:

-Daelyn

Outside Writing Momentum

ArthurOww @ Friday, May 23rd 06:29PM [link]

DISCLAIMER: This News has been delayed, unfortunately. It was supposed to release early in May, meaning it will only cover up until April 30th, and the next update will cover May onwards. Thank you!

HELLO KARTERS AND KARTESSES!!! Man, it feels weird to say that again in the big 2025. I’m finally getting some motivation back to write a News, and I couldn’t be happier. So, now that we’re here again, let’s take some time together.

What has happened over the past months?

Well, this News sees our game celebrate its 17th anniversary! Time sure flies… People come and go, new strats are found, the meta changes on a few tracks, yet it’s still the same old game we were already playing back in the late 2000s. Here’s to many more years!

Speaking of years... Our PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2024 award needs your participation! Just like all the previous years, it's a community vote meant to point out the best Karter of the year. We should've held this vote in January, but let's not focus on the details, hahaha...... Anyway, the Nominations are up and last until the end of the month on the public Time Trial server, so go and vote here! The rules are in #Event-Announcements and you can submit your picks in #Event-Submissions.

Nintendo properly announced the Switch 2 (boring ass name, they almost named it Super Switch like the SNES and it would’ve been so much better) and alongside it we got to see the new Mario Kart World, both coming June 5th, and the game features Loga- uh I mean the Moo Moo Meadows COW as a PLAYABLE CHARACTER. As much as I’m excited for this, I won’t go into details cause this is an MKW News Update… And by MKW, I mean OUR game, not the new one that has the same initials, god this is going to be difficult…

Oh and Americans are crying cause prices are going up instead of down like the big orange guy promised, but don’t worry guys, that’s how tariffs work! Thankfully the aforementioned Switch 2 didn’t get a price increase… although every single one of its accessories got one lmao.

Okay so at first I initially wrote “The Pope almost died but he didn’t, cool I guess?” and then HE ACTUALLY DIED THE DAY AFTER WHAT THE FUCK??? …Out of all the parts of the News I wouldn’t have guessed I’d have to correct this one…

…Anyway… Some MKW related News now, the brand new Player’s Page is still in development, we want to make sure the site is as polished as can be when it’s released. It’s coming this year, hopefully as soon as possible. Thanks a lot for waiting. If you want to participate in the project, whether it’d be for translation work, or coding, please contact us on Discord!

So, on the Time Trial side we saw 17 new 3lap WRs on 7 different tracks and 22 Flap WRs on 13 different categories. That’s a LOT of things to cover oh god what did I sign up for again

3laps first. Directly following the release of Arvo’s News, Zoren continued his streak on Sherbet Land glitch with a 53.1, almost a 1 second cut, then a few days later he got a 52.8… And on March 24th the guy got a 52.691. You think that’s cool? You’d be wrong.. Because this didn’t land back on the track all 3 laps. So what did Zoren do? Well, on the same day, he landed 3/3, giving us an insane 6.5 second cut and finishing a 46.135. Now, even though this is huge, I won’t say the category’s dead, simply because we’ve said that like 100 times and every single time that ended up not being true. I mean this is MKW, what did you expect. But but but, this is still an insane feat to accomplish, so congrats man!

Still in early March, on the 9th Barney beat the 2.5 year old record held by Sosis on GV2 with a 52.729. However, at the end of the month, we heard from Sosis. Benjilada20402’s goat beat Barney back with a 726, before pushing the record twice on April fools day, ending it with the first 52.6, a 52.682. I’m sure he did it to make his fans happy…

During the News cycle there were a few standalone improvements on various tracks: Ray improved his WGM glitch from 31.661 to 31.617, Beanzard got a 53.033 on RR glitch with a 3/3 beating Owen Smith and giving Waluigi his first ever 3lap WR in the process, Braixen becomes the first player to set a WR in 10 consecutive years (2016-2025) with a 23.991 on CM glitch, and Emil improves on BC shortcut with a 2:08.537. By the way, Braixen’s run was also done on April fools day just like Sosis’ last 2 WRs on GV2. That means we got 3 WRs on April fools, and I checked… It’s the most in the game’s history. And it’s not an April fools joke, we’re in May now!

It has technically been unveiled to us in May, but I still wanted to include it: in the last few days of April, one player saw his whole COUNTRY be subject to a blackout. There was no electricity for an entire day, and even more. Even though he set his new WR right before the blackout, he couldn’t upload it to CTGP… And did so a few days later, in May. The run itself was still driven on the 28th of April, though. It’s a last-minute addition to the update, it’s a 3lap, and it’s, you probably guessed it, Poyo’s 31.615 on WGM Glitch! His first run getting the newly implemented pole bounce 2/2. He will surely (did already) improve it, since the strategy is still new. Stay tuned next News Update to know how much he’ll lower the record!

And now, the big one: the continuation of the MG ODB madness. Rivalries, underdog stories, broken barriers, drama and controversy, we got it all on MG. After his short-lived success on rBC, Tiles sat down and began playing MG with outside drift… And the result was 3 WRs from mid March to mid April, first beating Flambambam on March 18th then subbing 1:37 with a 1:36.997 on April 15th. However, Flam didn’t hold back, and pushed through days later with a .278… And guess what? Tiles answered. He delivered. A huge 1:35.539 set on April 18th, a day after Flam’s 1:36.278, stands as the record right now. Tiles cut more with this last WR than with his 3 first ones combined. The stage is now set, and the battle is on against the American and the Irish… A fierce tension has also risen on the public TT discord, with a #fuckflam vs #fucktiles battle emerging on some of our members’ server names. Who will come out on top? Will another driver snatch the top spot? Mitch has been putting on some work on the track, Shane is 3rd worldwide with a 1:37.1 as I’m writing this, and many other players are on the track… I feel like this story is just getting started. However… An issue, or rather a doubt, has risen among certain players in the community. Are the strats used by outside drifting bikes on the track really worthy of the No-Glitch appellation? Using a trick known as ODM (Outside Drift Momentum), the Shooting Star is able to go at high speeds on the mushrooms. Faster than it should be? Faster than intended? Could it be considered a glitch? I’ve had a conversation about this before, and have my own opinion, but I’ll let y’all form yours. Is ODM a glitch? Should it be its own “shortcut” category? Time will tell if that ever happens... But for now, the flames of competition burn on the big mushrooms, ignited by the wheels of the drifting Shooting Stars.

Now, for Flap… Mitch improved his MC Glitch from February, getting an 8.6xx for the first time with a .677. 2 days later, he beat Logan’s 3 year old WGM glitch time of 8.897 with a time of 8.812. I just realized that phrase sounded a LOT like the auto generated WR recap we have at the bottom at every update… I swear I’m not an AI y’all I’m just uninspired! I don’t know what’s worse but anyway!

Shane got 2 quick WRs on MG… Shortcut? And he cut… ALMOST 2 SECONDS?? …Oh, he just used ODB AND the wallride at the same time. No wonder…

On MG again though, this time for No-Glitch, of course we got more ODB. KoolKade gets his maiden Flap WR with a 30.444 on March 11th. This success didn’t last very long though, as Tiles claimed the record 4 days later. It traded hands, with Shane and Flam taking it, before Tiles came back on April 19th with a sub 30: 29.942. I told you MG was crazy this month!

Another short-lived but cool rivalry we got was between Logan and Sosis on rGV2 No-Glitch. Logan got the record from Sosis on March 12th, beating his May 2021, 1410 day old WR, then Sosis took the record back on the same day, then Logan took the record back STILL on the SAME DAY, then Sosis beat him back the next day (because sleep is important guys) then came through with a final time of 16.364 on March 17th. I told you this was short-lived.

Logan didn’t fall into depression after his defeat on the ghost track though: he improved on 3 other tracks. Classic Logan. He got Raceway from… Sosis again, and again it was an old WR from 2021, 1310 days old this time. He beat it, mind you, using Daisy Mach with a 31.317, being the first to get a record with it on the track. He then got rDS flap from Bickbork cutting .005 off with a 38.702, and finally beat Firestone on rDH Non-SC with a 29.071. All 3 Flaps were on categories he hadn’t held before, so props to him, the guy’s not World #1 for nothing…

On March 26th, Chaos (who’s written as “chs” on the Flap WR sheet, that confused me so much I had no idea who it was) got the better of Falco and claimed Waluigi Stadium No-Glitch with a 34.958. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Australian were actively trying to get it back though…

I’m starting to see the end of the list THANK GO-ahem… This one’s a good one! KingAlex picked up the game again in late March and improved his rPG Non-SC Flap with a… 38.081. Beating his Shortcut run in the process. Probably realizing his mistake, he improved again, this time with the shortcut, to get a .013 on April 8th. Surely the sub’s in the way, right?

And finally, the big one… A bunch of you may have realized some have started to mark LC as Non-SC in their submissions… But the track doesn’t have an RTA-viable ultra or anything, so what gives? Well… On April 9th, Ejay B thought it’d be fun if he made a TAS only maneuver in an RTA run and superslided on the first track in the game to get a 21.212. Since this is a glitch, it doesn’t count in Non-SC runs, thus becoming the first “LC Glitch Flap” WR. At first everyone thought it was a late April fools joke, but the Australian isn’t joking at all… Right, Ejay? We’re still waiting for the ghost and / or the video!

And that’s the last WR we’ll have to cover this month. That wasn’t so bad to write… But now I have to look through 134 PLAYER TIMESHEETS and write a little something for ALL of them… And the numbers the stupid stats page shows me are probably wrong given it doesn’t know what “No-SC” is… This is gonna take a while… Oh but wait, before I forget:

COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: This time, Ireland takes it home, thanks to Tiles literally setting 4 3lap WRs this News cycle. To put things in perspective, prior to Tiles, Ireland had gotten 6 WRs in the game’s entire history… Yeah. Shane did a few things on MG too, even if he “only” got WR on the Flap for a short time, so that makes it even more deserved for the Irish.

TRACK OF THE MONTH: This goes without saying… Mushroom Gorge takes it again. Now alongside the massive improvements, we’ve got a rivalry between Flambambam and Tiles. Incredible.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “you canty juystr say perchabnrce” - Tiles, April 3rd, 2025

ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “ ‘Flame Runner’? Really? That has to be the lamest name of all time.” - Honko, April 28th, 2008 and literally MG rn

This News Update covers from March 4th, 2025 to April 30th, 2025.

Say hello to the 12 new players we count for this month:

Matthew Babiak (Normal names are becoming rarer and rarer nowadays, welcome)
Danyy (Danny Boy got an update?)
Rubiksmath (Nerdiness 100)
Cami Antani (Joined, submitted a 1:17 on rPB, left)
Tiles (New Ireland goat)
Etano (Spanish sounding name, is actually Canadian. Talk about catfish)
ManFace420 (Xbox 360 ahh username)
Reis_w1 (Nice_one)
Antares (Spanish sounding name, is actually English, catfished again?!)
Hnery (bro just swapped two letters in his surname and called it a day)
Joshla (these names are getting more and more bland by the minute)
WALUIGI IS LORD (OKAY NOW THAT’S A USERNAME YOU’RE GOATED)

Never showered ever (1-10)

#1 (#1) Logan Stkrdknmibalz still manages to break new ground, getting WRs on categories he’s never done so before, as mentioned previously. But he also reaches unexplored territory in his AF, which goes down to 5.3 and only 3.5 in Non-SC, thanks notably to a 1:17.961/23.861 on rMC3, double 2nd place on the site, or a 1:41.251 on rMR using, like his flap WR, Daisy on Mach, or literally a dozen flaps that are all like top 5 PP at worst. Unbelievable.

#3 (#4) Mitchell Healy beat Arvo on both AF rankings. Today we mourn the loss of a true hero, a source of inspiration for generations that followed him… But hey, at least the new guy on the podium is cool as well. Mitch cut around 3 AF, but there’s still 4 more to cut to even think about sniping 2nd place from Justin… Can the Australian do it?

#5 (#13) Vincent Braixen got one single time this update and we’ve already talked about it since it’s his CM Glitch… And I’ve already written the exact same thing about Braixen in my last News over a year ago. Time passes, but people never change.

#10 (#27) Danny Boy last time I wrote the News this boy was just entering the top 30, and now he’s just entering the top 10… He’s officially a Danny Man now… Except in No-Glitch, where he’s still trailing a bit behind. I’m sure that issue’s going to be solved sooner than later though… Even in the past 2 months, Danny’s been practicing on a few No-Glitch tracks and getting a 53.1 on GV2 or a 1:35.7 on rDH to name a few. He also got a bunch of flaps including a nice 21.7 on LC… Non-SC. This one’s gonna be hard to get used to…

Waterphobics (11-25)

#11 (#7) Bynt. got kicked out of the top 10, but he still plays, so maybe he’ll get that placement back at some point. Everyone’s favorite translator improved on Raceway with a 1:41.677, placing 14th on the PP and barely not getting USA tops. Apparently though it wasn’t enough of an improvement to cut AF… Better luck next time.

#12 (#48) Exploder is another case of “hello I’m improving fast at high level” because this guy wasn’t even top 35 last time I did a News, and now he’s 12th??? I sure missed a lot while being inactive… Anyway, the Norwegian got 11 PRs during March and April, almost exclusively on Glitch categories.

#14 (#23) Cqrt3r has continued his insane ascension to the top flight of MKW Time Trials with most notably a 53.1 on GV2 and a 2:31.8 on rBC. He literally played the shortest and longest track in the game back to back and I love it. Fun fact, I NEVER talked about Cqrt3r in a News before, and trust me, I checked. I don’t know if it underlines the speed at which he climbed up the ranks or rather my lazy and tired ass not wanting to write a News for that long but anyway…

#18 (#25) Jyran Liebs was pretty terrific on rSGB, using Magikruiser. After getting Magi Tops a few years ago with a high 1:22.4, and getting kicked out of it, he got it back, in style. Run after run, he improved, beat the Magi WR of .336, then lowered his PB to an insane 1:22.245. Alongside that, the labies man notably got a 2:31 on rBC and a 2:26.5 on RR. Props.

#21 (#9) Kevin Miller got a few good looking PRs that got him up a spot on the leaderboard. 1:49.6 on TF, 1:15 on MMM, 1:41.8 on rMR among others, but obviously the rWS No-Glitch Flap is the most prestigious, as it’s WR. Great month, not gonna lie.

#23 (#45) Nara Hiero just finished setting up a big feature of the upcoming PP as I'm writing this, HUGE STUFF MATE I LOVE Y- ahem… got a little carried away there… Anyway, the lad set a few glitch times being a 51 MC, 1:06 rPB and 1:21 DKJP, alongside a nice 2:05.3 on rDS. Great stuff on both the racetrack and the backend.

#24 (#22) Indy Kambeitz worked on rMR, rDS and then LC, getting some pretty solid times on all 3 with a 1:42.1, a 2:05.4 and a 1:09.5 respectively. He only cut 1.4 AF with all that, but he still passed both Enzo and Doom, getting into top 25 this Update. Not a bad month at all.

Shampoo? What’s that? (26-50)

#29 (#10) Sosis we already talked about previously with his WR improvements on rGV2, but we didn’t mention that he got a monster time of 1:08.794 on LC, that’s 3rd worldwide. You guys heard from him today.

#32 (#35) Phyz Phyz played rMR and rBC, getting good times there with a 1:42.0 and a 2:31.7. Enough to bring him up by 3 placements!

#39 (#83) Jacob Loerzel played a bit for AF, but most importantly, came back home on DKJP to try and reclaim his throne. The Proud Minnesotan got a 40.030, still a bit far from Core’s time, but it’s a glitch category so he can totally go straight to a 37 if the stars align. Good luck man!

#41 (#131) Intel Core maybe it’s time for you to change that PP name cause Intel have changed their processor names… Anyway, Invi’s target on DKJP played BC shortcut and got a 2:12, but what sticks out more to me is that juicy 1:31 on rMC, good job on that one. Oh and you can FINALLY stop asking for POTY yeah I know we’re in May but the mod team is a bunch of old heads (me included) that can’t decide on anything, hopefully POTY 2025 isn’t delayed by THIS much.

Showers are expensive, y’know… (51-100)

#56 (#66) Ultra_Pear played a bunch and cut 5 placements, nice one man let’s see what you cooked… Mmh a 2:05.4 on rDS not bad not bad and on top of that a 58 on MC Glitch that’s almost top 50! Hopefully you can reach it on the AF charts too…

#58 (#108) Nate Schultz updated 3 of his times in April to stay afloat, gaining a tiny bit of AF but staying at #58, while notably getting a 1:49.7 on DDR. I wish I had that…

#68 (#81) Dwt89_ gets a SHIT LOAD of PRs that makes him cut 33 AF and gets him way up in the charts, from #91 to this. And for ONCE with these rising newcomers he’s NOT carried by glitches and actually has a decent Non-SC timesheet THANK YOU ahem anyway he notably got a 34.4 on DKS Flap that’s 10th European, a 1:29 on DC and a 1:41.4 on MG Non-SC. Next step is top 50, see you next update!

#75 (#28) Hedwig PR dumped a bunch and cut 50+ AF. At least he’s where he belongs on the charts, aka pretty damn high especially in Non-SC. I mean, with a 5th WW time on Parkway Non-SC Flap, a 2:12.2 on the 3lap, a 1:30.8 on rMC, and a bunch of other good / glitch times, it’s obvious that you’re way better than the people you passed on the charts… Yes I was in there, no I’m not mad, rather I’m bad. GGs.

#76 (#96) Owen Smith played rMC and rPG to get some good times and not gain too much AF, staying in the top 100 in Non-SC with a 1:32.0 and a 2:00.8 on those respectively. Not the greatest month, but man’s probably been busy with his life, and that’s completely normal because not everyone has to be a chronically online degenerate!

#80 (#12) Filler got incredible times, but they’re too little of an improvement to cut any AF sadly. Still, I wouldn’t be sad about getting a 1:49.0 on rWS Non-SC and a 1:34.370, 2nd Worldwide, on rDH Non-SC…

#81 (#111) Daelyn got 14 PRs, cut 11 AF… But only went up 4 placements okay right makes COMPLETE sense I love the AF charts… Well, most of this is simply getting better times on weak categories, but I do notice a cool 1:52.7 / 36.0 on rWS Non-SC which she’s probably also proud of since it’s the only Non-SC track where both the Flap and 3lap are recorded. Nice stuff huh

#85 (#63) ArthurOww I wanna beat Zoan in Non-SC there’s 20 AF to go but I play once a month there bye

#87 (#163) Starboi played a few tracks, most notably MT where he got a 2:19 and TF where he made the Shortcut and got a Top 50 ranked flap. Nice stuff, enough to cut some AF, but sadly the competition is fierce so the Australian lost 2 placements. Better luck next time…

#88 (#44) Acquiesce improved his Flaps this update, including his rDH with a 29.236, very very solid. I don’t think you want me to talk about that BC Shortcut though…

#93 (#37) Marvin submitted flaps and cut 43 AF with them. At this point saying “that’s why you should play flaps” to the newbies sounds the same as “eat your vegetables”... Anyway, other than that, he played MC for the 1:21, DC for the 1:29, KC for the 2:18 and GV for the 1:51. Pretty busy month that brought much success, congrats!

#98 (#103) Cederic Doesn’t play much, so it’s a matter of time before he falls out of the top 100… At least in Combined because it’s already Joever in Non-SC… I do note some pretty nice improvements on GV and a cool rework on rSGB that he hasn’t finished yet. Va chercher le 1:21 champion!

At least I use deodorant! (101-200)

#108 (#106) Daniel W PR dumped to jump from barely not top 200 to barely not top 100. That’s great and all… But how am I supposed to talk about something when there’s 58 PRs TO LOOK AT! At least I’ll get something next month…

#115 (#90) Supreme worked on DKM mostly, and got himself a 2:07 with a 41.6 flap. Brings him up 5 placements, maybe a push for Top 100 incoming?

#117 (#127) James Collins barely played, only setting a 2:04 on BC3 Shortcut and a great 38.6 on rPG Flap. Thank you for saving me some time, I kinda need it or I won’t finish this thing ever…

#118 (#79) Pabloski is another karter who sets one good time and calls it a day! It’s a 53.3 on rGV2 Non-SC this time. I need to get on this thing myself and actually learn the shroom…

#125 (#58) Kitty improved a bunch, cut 9 placements and 5 AF. Their highlight is a 1:44.1 on the greatest track ever, obviously Moonview Highway!! ……Yeah I know the joke gets old. Actual best time is a 2:07.2 on DKM Non-SC, and I do NOT know how people can be good at this track, it eludes me.

#127 (#71) Alex Croteau improved HALF of his timesheet. This man’s literally giving his AF a glow up. Most of the improvement comes on Non-SC, as he’s only 2 PRs away from a full Legend timesheet! Go get it, DKS and RR aren’t that bad when you learn them, speaking from experience!

#133 (#31) Fraterz got the sub on… rDS flap of all categories, with a 38.950, 18th on the site. He got that in early March, then… Vanished. I guess he was satisfied…

#144 (#68) Noah Dalentoft is making me fear for my AF on the red charts. I guess some competition doesn’t hurt? He played a LOT of tracks in March-April, but since only one has got a video, then I guess the time he’s most proud of is his 1:49.991 on DDR. And I can see why he’s proud… I’ve been wanting that time for 3 years!

#156 (#143) Prolix is another karter who’s played a lot, cutting 22 AF! I’m sure there’s room for more, because there are quite a few tracks where he ranks very low for his level… Like, on one side there’s a 1:44.5 / 33.2 on Moonview, but then there’s a 1:24 on rSGB?? As written on the site, a single weak score can negatively affect you in a big way!

#162 (#157) Rheece Wachow worked on his retros, getting times on rDH, rMC, rPG, rDKM and rBC. For 6 AF and 8 placements cut, the stand out here is a good sub on rPG Flap, 38.995, snatching a Legend st andard and… Making it a 3-way time between him, Cederic, and an old french player. Peculiar time, don’t you think?

#164 (#159) Teonovi59 cut 10 placements, finishing a streak of 8 PRs with a 1:44.7 on Moonview. I think that improvement made him get #159 on red charts, pretty fitting with his nickname… #59 when?

#166 (#138) Dylan Lepeirtz got one time in April, a good 2:20.6 on KC. He improved a lot in May, but I’m not covering that as I said earlier, sorry…!

#167 (#154) Silicosis got 10 PRs, including a 1:53.420 on DKS that’s the highlight. Insert 420 joke here.

#174 (#142) ElecTrick worked on a bunch of tracks and has maybe found a new favorite?? Because the rDH sticks out a lot. A 1:36.1 / 29.7 (41st!!) on this timesheet? I’m ALL for it. Go get the 1:35, if you think you got what it takes! ………You obviously have what it takes because what it takes is just one more lucky cut so go get it!

#178 (#118) Entropy climbs the ranks like crazy, cutting 41 AF and going from #217 to this. CM No-Glitch CLEARLY stands out, what do you mean there’s a 1:57.0 on such a timesheet???? I’m sure you can get the Flap way up there…

#180 (N/A) Thomas Ullrich submitted…… His 2:21.0 on rBC glitch. Nice 10th WW time Mr. Ice! Are you sure you didn’t melt, drowning in lava during the glitch??

#183 (#125) James Muraski got a few respectable times like a mid 2:05 on Sherbey or a 1:09.6 on LC, but obviously, the time to talk about is the MG Non-SC. I mean, it was WW tops when set, not many people can brag about getting a 3lap WW top…

#186 (N/A) Falco got like 3 times this update, including one nice 33.5 on DDR Flap. I’m THIS close to just taking the best lap of your 3lap on RR and DKJP No-Glitch and filling your red chart timesheet myself… Come on man it’s TWO FLAPS!

#191 (#82) Mystic is a one-time wonder this update. A 2:13.9 on DKJP No-Glitch is a great time for their timesheet, it’s Legend D, Top 100 and all, but it’s obviously not enough to cut AF…

Good Hygiene (201-300)

#203 (#160) Ben Brophy βτ’s favorite bagger got a few times, but of course, I’m gonna talk about MT No-Glitch. 2:17.6?? Simply amazing. The flap is great too, but I’m sure you can improve it! The fact that I beat you there while not knowing shit about the track just shows how much you can crush your PR…

#209 (#263) 117James timesheets. Bets are now opened as for when he's gonna be #117.

#210 (#102) Kenneth Bernales gets a good 2:06.3 on rDS, but that doesn’t help him much to not gain AF sadly. Good time nonetheless!

#225 (#164) Joe Beaton took a break from DDR to play MC for a 1:22 but mostly KC where Ace got a 2:17.580, 4th Worldwide. I will never understand how some great players like you play so few tracks… but I guess it’s a choice that we have to respect.

#231 (N/A) Sam Fairless improved his top glitches, setting prestigious times on DKJP 3lap, both RR categories, and MG Flap. Enough to barely cut AF for this update.

#236 (N/A) Beanzard64 timesheets! It would be great to make a video out of this, don’t you think? ……No I totally don’t say that to make your viewers join…!

#253 (#222) Skylar Waffle played a bunch of categories, but the big one is more than obvious… Skylar gets his first ever American top on MG No-Glitch, his most recent PR on the category being a 1:40.293. With all the failed paces, I assume a 1:39 / WW tops is in the works, right?

#261 (#178) Tristan Kelley submits small batches of PRs in late March and mid April to 5 AF and 6 placements. I’m catching a nice 1:51.1, Legend D on DKS, and a cool 1:51.0 on TF Non-SC, go for the sub!

#262 (#170) Luca R only submits one time, being an improvement on his Ace KC. 2:18.8 gets you close to European tops, I hope you get them!

#273 (#205) Charlie Brennan gets the 2:28 on RR, granting him what’s probably his 2nd ever 3lap Top 100, so congrats on the feat!

#291 (#267) Emil Lönquist breaks into top 300 with a bunch of PRs, mostly glitches, that makes him cut 25 AF and almost 30 spots on the blue chart! The 1:34 on Parkway seems especially good and must’ve contributed a lot to the AF cut…

#295 (#180) Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson gets a 1:16.4 / 24.2 on MMM as his only times this update. The 3lap is his first Top 100 time, congrats!

Somewhat normal people (300+)

And now comes the hard part of the update… Thankfully I’ve been writing with this banger on repeat so we might be struggling, but at least we got the vibes

#302 (#249) .Vnix played flaps to strengthen his timesheet, and is now knocking at the door to Top 300! Outside drift just gets you there. 14 AF with 13 PRs also means he cut 69 placements per category on average, nice.

#307 (#176) Liam David gets twice as many PRs as Vnix, and cuts (almost) twice as much AF. The rDH is pretty good for the timesheet, you don’t see a mid 1:36 at this level very often…

#317 (#196) Jack White manages to do even better than the last 2 karters combined…? 41 PRs and a whopping EIGHTY�"SIX AF cut. I can confirm he played a lot! Also, congrats on getting Top 200 in Non-SC!

#327 (#252) Brick gets 9 PRs and cuts 11 placements, with a cool 1:09 on LC! I hope you enjoy having a 69 second time!

#335 (#214) Pablo Hernangòmez Also gets the sub on LC with a… Wait hold on what’s a 1:09.542 doing so LOW on the charts??? That PR is almost better than mine and LC’s one of my best tracks… The 21.791 Flap that comes with it is cracked as well, just what did you have for lunch to set such a banger!?

#338 (N/A) Ejay B marks LC as SC, short for “Super Çliding”. As I said in the WR recap, we’re still waiting for the vid… It’s late May and you STILL haven’t shown even a glimpse of the run!

#342 (#229) Fawwe improves a lot, and goes from below Top 400 to this… And I’m sure there’s a lot more in the tank. Maybe we’ll see a Top 300 in the next News?

#345 (#246) Weekeat timesheets…? I swear I feel like you’ve been around for YEARS, I thought you were already on here… Oh well. Have a good time here!

#349 (#251) JMPin timesheets. Happy Karting!

#384 (#257) Dudu. improves a bunch of times, including a good mid 1:51 on DKS, to cut 13 placements, Go Brazil! Raphinha Ballon d’Or! ……I hope you follow football because this is going to be more confusing than anything otherwise…

#387 (#279) Neo | DvD updates his entire 3lap timesheet, and the effect is immediate, as he cuts 120 AF and jumps straight from a low Top 500 to this… Good, now update the flaps and cut double the AF! ……What do you mean you haven’t played flaps in 5 years?

#397 (#278) Sergio is a victim of the “bottom table incidents”, as he gets 9 PRs, even cuts AF… But goes from #394 to #397. This chart is unforgiving…

#402 (#308) ChromaQ falls out of Top 400 sadly… But at least you got a great 47 on WGM Glitch, right?

#409 (N/A) Kippito finishes their timesheet. Welcome to the site!

#410 (#265) Skye Ball hey that’s a name I haven’t seen before! I like the change a lot. Congrats on cutting 12 placements, surely you can aim for a Top 400 finish for the next News Update!

#434 (#283) Princessje11lybean got a single time on WGM flap the DAY AFTER Arvo’s last News. Zero sign of life since. Talk about getting in the News for nothing…

#472 (#303) Cade Johnson cuts 28 AF with 22 PRs, that’s the energy you need to survive in the lower end of the charts! Keep it up and aim for new heights!

#478 (#302) Deven Ramchandran completes his timesheet. Welcome abroad!

#499 (#325) Jorim Laanstra improves literally ALL of his timesheet but two times, and barely snatches a Top 500 spot. Clutch.

#505 (#328) YT_Valentin goes back to #505... Where have I heard this before… Anyway, two times aren’t enough to keep your place in the Top 500, sadly.

#517 (#301) Leo Perna gets 10 PRs and cuts… EXACTLY 10.0000 AF. That has to be the most perfect cut ever…

#533 (#333) NE MKPatsfan only gets 2 times, just like Valentin, it’s not enough to sustain your ranking… Surely next Update!

#538 (#336) Charlotte Crego Manages to stay a little bit more afloat with 3 PRs but still loses 2 spots on the charts. Unfortunate.

#545 (#346) Gianni Barletta makes the effort. I mean, 50 PRs… I feel like on the lower end of the leaderboard, it’s either you get 2 PRs or you improve half your timesheet, it’s very funny. Anyway, 130 AF cut, up from #626... I guess “Great month” would be an understatement.

#563 (#345) Satkins gets 34 PRs and cuts 32 AF, pretty consistent

#564 (#343) Charles Schrader improves 45 times and gets his AF lowered by 71 points, a solid month!

#603 (#348) Diana M falls out of the Top 600 by only setting one PR. Not everyone can improve half their timesheet in a month…

#615 (#362) Nathan Hayter timesheets. Welcome to the site! I’m sure your future progress will be enjoyed by everyone… you’ll get no “Hayters”! ……Yeah i know it wasn’t funny it’s midnight okay I'm tired

#619 (#358) Mattinatorr gets only 2 improvements to his timesheet and falls back 8 placements. Sad.

#622 (#342) Trenton Steinburg cuts 14 AF just to pass 2 people. Almost 4 years of being an updater and I still don’t understand how this happens…

#625 (#363) LEMONADE played a lot, setting 27 PRs and cutting 22 AF. I wonder if they’ll find their best form in the summer though, you know… Like fresh lemonade selling more when it’s hot outside?

#649 (#360) -ARK- timesheets. Happy karting!

#652 (N/A) SebTheNoob314 also timesheets. I hope you reach #314 one day.

#686 (#374) John McArdle improves his ENTIRE timesheet. 64/64 times. Now that’s dedication. Obviously, he makes a jump in the rankings and cuts loads of AF. Well played!

#731 (#391) Matthew Babiak gets on the charts for the first time! Welcome to the competition!

#773 (#452) Herold has moved on from Mario Kart Wii. This man has a LIFE now, like, he’s achieved more in a couple of weeks than 98% of the community. I’ll leave you to read his paragraphs in the public TT server by searching for his name there, it’s quite a ride.

#819 (N/A) ScarletPanther19 finishes their timesheet. The karters above you are surely quite afraid, as they now become your prey… am I right? Anyway, have a great time here!

#829 (#467) Aaron Jablonski finishes both his timesheet and this update! Welcome to the site!

AND THAT’S A WRAP! This one got delayed because I couldn’t use my PC for like, 3 weeks… And writing the News on a phone is a nightmare. I’m sorry for not covering May this update, but I had already written a bunch of it in late April, and including May would not only mean writing about the new WRs and the various improvements of the month, but also correcting MANUALLY. Every. Single. Placement. In the update. Yeah I ain’t doing that. Hopefully the lovely developers of the new PP cook some tool for us to use that does the dirty job for us… Until then, I hope you enjoy yourself, get loads of great PRs, and most of all… Happy Karting!

Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records:

Ejay B beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"590 with a time of: 0'21"212
Mitchell Healy beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"728 with a time of: 0'08"677
Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 0'24"122 with a time of: 0'23"991
Mitchell Healy beat the old Wario's Gold Mine lap time of 0'08"897 with a time of: 0'08"812
Emil P beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'08”608 with a time of: 2'08"537
Beanzard64 beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 0'57"688 with a time of: 0'53"033
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Mario Raceway lap time of 0'31"330 with a time of: 0'31"317
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old DS Delfino Square lap time of 0'38"707 with a time of: 0'38"702
Alex Shoal beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"093 with a time of: 0'38"013
117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'16"222 with a time of: 2'15"291
117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'28"487 with a time of: 0'28"373

About the Player Awards, you have almost certainly noticed we stopped doing them a while ago. It was hard to pick good winners at some point, and with the News taking more and more time to make, we figured it would impact us more negatively than anything. We do not plan to bring them back... Yet. POTY obviously stays, but not the others. When the new site is fully up and running, they will probably come back, and we might even ask for your help to fill out every award that will be missing, granted that will be a huge, daunting task. We don't know how it will play out yet. I apologize for this inconvenience on behalf of the staff team, Karters!

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Arthur’Oww, who (finally) stopped relying on Arvo to do all the work

The Good, the Bad and the Even Worse

Arvo @ Monday, March 3rd 10:46PM [link]

Captain's log, 3rd of March. God, my head hurts. I just barely escaped the communications pod before the alarm went off. Fuck knows if those things are still out there. I may not have that much time left, I better get this over with before I find out. After that I'm going back in for the long nap. If anyone reads this, I must be somewhere around Jupiter by now. For the love of God don't attempt to find me, live the rest of your life the best you can and forget about this message. I'm not worth it.

News update time. Sorry it's been so long, as the previous paragraph should tell, things have been happening and I haven't had time for this. But we can't go 6 months without a news update now can we!

So what did I miss... Let's see here

Well first of all this might be the last update on this here ancient looking site, because a new PP is looking quite close to being ready! Rejoice, for our new overlords will be Canadian and Italian! yeah I know I'm also extremely depressed about it

Other than that ummmmmm. Trump won I guess... Things are quite crazy in the world. Although Blake actually holding the DKS WR might just tip me over the edge, this world has gotten too crazy for me.

Oh yeah and MG ng is suddenly shooting star and the WR is 1:37 and there are splits for like a 1:34 mm yeah I'm not sure if I recognize this world anymore, I've been asleep for too long

Core finally pulled off the rDH flap glitch, making shooting star even more relevant. I think he will have that WR forever, since loser James can't make the glitch!!!! Oh wait, why do I hear bad piggies music

OK MC glitch has a new faster tree to clip, this is the world I know. The three certainties in life are death, taxes and there always being a faster glitch strat on MC

Connor got 1:47 on rWS, I never thought I would see the day. TF and BCWii have not got their subs yet, but one modern masterpiece of a WR has been achieved. Great job Connor, I salute you.

OWEN SMITH GOT 3/3 RR, I REPEAT, OWEN SMITH GOT 3/3 RR, THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ITS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG BABY

rBC glitch has been having a rivalry the like of which I never thought there would be again, I thought these days were over. James, Maniac and new challenger Tiles have been battling it out for months now. (tfw Maniac tries to be the underdog and even more of an underdog pops up out of nowhere)

However other than rBC there have been very few WRs this year. Just recently Ray got WGM glitch back and Zoren microimproved on rSL glitch, but other than that this game is a ghost town, baby. The last no glitch WR was before Christmas, and that was stupid ass MG so that doesn't even count. Even Ace Beaton is playing glitches now. What has happened to us??

oh yeah and luke and logan set a wr each but they looked quite boring so i didn't mention them

And last but not least MRBEAN AND CHADDERZ ARE PUTTING INPUTS INTO THE GAME TO MAKE THE RUNS GAY AAAAAAARGGHHHH MKW HAS FALLEN

TRACK OF THE HALF-YEAR: Despite the crazy rivalry on N64 Bowser's Castle, I have to give it to Mushroom Gorge just because we have never seen anything like it in the nearly 17 years that this game has been out.

QUOTE OF THE HALF-YEAR: “Anyone heard from Sosis today” - Benjilada20402, February 2nd, 2025

BIBLE QUOTE OF THE HALF-YEAR: “Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?” - Galatians 4:16

This news update covers from September 18 2024 to March 3 2025

New Players (THERE ARE SO MANY OH MY GOD):

KaiMK (flukiest DKJP glitch player)
Keagan (voiced toad in the mario movie quite well)
Chase Whiting (omg is this the letterboxd guy)
Joseph Colarusso (cooka da pizza)
RO881E (1337 G4M3R)
SebTheNoob314 (self-esteem issues)
Marcus May (not be mentioned in this update after this)
Ilja. (hahaha dot having ass)
Riidolsk (I've heard this name before)
Fiorderik (If that's your real name I feel bad for you)
ADDER (has not learned subsctraction yet)
Fawwe (what is that name)
Flambambam (maybe the goofiest name out of any WR holders in the game's history)
JohnG (John Legends!)
Funkatron64 (cannot be older than 14 with that name)
Coop519 (Played wonderfully by Matthew McConaughey)
James Casey (word on the street says he can't softdrift)
Rosek (Slavic ahh name)
Pluto (Didn't know they allowed dogs on the internet)
Barn. (HAHA EVERYONE POINT AND LAUGH AT THE DOT NICKNAME)
NickIsOffline (How are you gonna submit your times?)
Michielman2 (AI generated name)
JarheadStever (I need to see jarhead one of these days)
KayoH16 (AI generated name #2)
Patrick S (Patrick Swayze omg it's you, you didn't die after all)
Cade Johnson (Carries a toolbox everywhere just in case)
Kevin Blaine (Going through a pretty rough divorce, everyone be easy on him)
Liam David (Just trying to larp as 2 good UK players)
ZenGR_ (ZedR but worse)
Brick (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nycb2Rs57nE)
Entropy (sounds like a MKW clan name from 2016)
Austin Mills (Hard working but quiet, the type to make a great accountant in the future)
Marvin (To this day I believe he's a Jared alt)
5555555555 (someone's experimental profile that will be used for a youtube video soon)
Galdric Riere (Loves cooking, dreams of being on MasterChef but will end up on Kitchen Nightmares)
Jack White (Has a big house, but an even bigger heart.)
Sergio Lillo (Tomorrow will be a great day for you. Make the most of it, Sergio.)
AlexB08 (Love is around the corner. Just be patient.)
Dhavz (Beware of tall trees. They might one day bring you much despair.)
Noodleshelf (Work hard, for you know in your heart that it will all be worth it in the end.)
Canton (Giving too much of yourself may not be the best for anyone in the long run. Remember to love yourself too.)
Izumi (A dark place is not forever. The light is always there.)
Adrahaxxen (You seem like you're in need of rest. Remember to take it easy more often.)
JMPin (A desk is a place for work. Do not pollute it with other things, for they belong elsewhere)
0.crit (Once a thing has been lost, it is lost forever. Find other things to replace it)
Cadwell (Trust your friends. They will always have your back)
Boneking (omg it's bone king can i have bones please)
LEMONADE (STOP SHOUTING)
Jorim Laanstra (I've ran out of horoscopes, sorry)
Prolix (Sounds like an erectile dysfunction medication)
Julianna (omg hi gurlll)
Satkins (what is that name)
Logan Lewis (Unfortunately will struggle to be known by his first name in the community.)
Tyson Johnston (Tyson Gay)
Alec Cusa (Alec Baldwin)
JNPman (what does JNP stand for)
Jade Sploon (such a nice first name, and the surname has ruined it)
Johnathan Matzke (nothing nice about this name)
Mario (holy shit i'm a huge fan)
Senna (F1 GOAT)
KoolKade (I want to make an MKW clan with this guy. We'll call it KoolKadeKlan)
JordanShredz (Forever mirin')
DrewX (Finally not a dot at the end of the name)
Howell (omg almost done with the new players)
Ashley Roxanne-Young (finally done with the new players)

I've aged 20 years writing all that, I may not live until the next news update. Don't you forget about me

Grandmaster

#1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz destroyed braixen's career by getting CM no glitch WR, but the braixen curse was too strong and he hasn't got a WR since. He tried on GV and rYF and got very close but never could get the run. He has yet to set a PR in 2025. Can we finally say he's washed??

#3 Arvo Koskikallio talking about people who haven't PR'd in 2025, by some miracle I'm on here again. Feels like I haven't played in 13 years. Got a 2/3 jimmy 1:47 on DKS, then got stuck on DDR for an eternity. I'll get the 1:47 whenever I stop being addicted to FIFA. Already stopped writing the news update once to hop on FIFA, it's not looking good boys.

#4 Mitchell Healy is going to catch me very soon and we had a very nice podium handoff circlejerk session in the TT server to pass the baton. Recently he's claimed MC glitch flap as his category and demolishing the previous WR. A lot of no glitch runs. Even a sub 30 on MG glitch to prove that he can do the stupidest things for AF.

#5 Jack Gluesing has been prioritizing quality over quantity again, setting a new TF no glitch WR as well as getting a casual 1:08 on LC. 8 people having 1:08 on LC is wild.

#8 Martin Fox decided to play between mogis and got himself nice WW tops on rMR (just kidding 9ms off) as well as a 2:20.6 on BCWii. GG go again

#10 Bynt. got about 13 billion 2:18.0s on KC and when he finally subbed he skipped to 2:17.8. Typical. Also 52.8 on GV2. And 1:48.8 on rWS. The man really loves the number 8. Hanukkah is also 8 days long. This can't be a coincidence, I'm about to go kanye mode

Diamond

#11 Danny Boy got 2nd WW on rPB no glitch flap IN ONE DAY!, you gotta love that. Also 3rd ww on SGB glitch and finally getting the 3rd WW on CM ng flap aswell. And like other stuff too but like bros I gotta be honest there is like 200 people to go through and it's 10:30PM so there's no way I can list everyone's achievements and we all have to accept that. Congratulations on your 3rd places.

#13 Exploder is all the way up here now???? OK I guess. He's get like 21 PRs and has now made every glitch in the game. He's stealing all my Nordic records, and he's stealing our coastline to hoard all the oil. Sad times. Top 10 coming soon.

#17 Cqrt3r's name may give me a stroke every time I read it but his name is shining very high on the charts. He's been making some cool youtube videos recently, but has also had some time for TTs also. 1:31.5 on rMC stood out enough to upload. So many other runs were set too, launching him from 38th to 17th on the charts. Remarkable.

#18 Jyran Liebs has been trackhopping around, setting great times everywhere he goes. Except RR. 2:30.7 is not the best you can do!

#19 Dane Allen is like too good at this game now it's not funny, all the times he's getting are actually good but in my mind he's still the small child playing for High Rollers in bottom div. Oh how the shitey have risen

#21 MKRFirestone got a 4.208 on CM flap like 3 days after the last news update and nothing else.

#22 Kevin Miller went fucking sicko mode and got 4th WW on rWS ng. I was kinda in shock, I didn't think the madman had it in him. Unreal. Stat program says he set 15 PRs but didn't move a single spot. Oh well.

#23 Nara Hiero did move a spot, 13 of them to be precise. He made rWS glitch which had to have helped pretty massively. So many people seem to have made that glitch now, I feel sorry for y'all for having to go through that experience. Much like Danny Boy, Nara also got a really great rPB flap out of nowhere. Having randomly gotten 2nd WW on that back in 2017 I can relate. Great progress Nara, but since you will be one of our new overlords on the new sites, I'm going to have to rebel against you. Excpect a +10000 line pull request soon with incomprehensible code.

#24 Enzo Leussink is terrified of the new site due to GV rock probably getting recognition on it, and his run has an SSMT in it. Enzo also made rWS glitch. What the heck.

Emerald

#27 Jake Harrison seems to have played quite a bit! Holding his top 30 spot strong with some routing improvements. No PRs since January though. Come back ~~Alina~~ Jake, we miss you!

#28 Shane Hogan had the glint of WW tops in his eyes and decided to hop on the MG shooting star bandwagon. He also beat me on MG glitch, the 4th person to do so since I set my time. Yes I'm glazing myself in your segment, what are you going to do about it? Cry maybe? Have a tantrum, perhaps? JK nice job, your Emersonian career is reaching new heights even if you dropped 3 positions

Has anyone heard from #29 Jay Rangthale? His aura is massive on LC right now. He will get .7 soon if he keeps having strong aura.

#31 Luke Brown has no aura. Not telling people your breakfast choice is not aura. He does have WRs, though. However, not on TF. Sadge.

#39 Jacob Loerzel seems to have been on the grind. Last time he was #50, now he's already out of the 40s. RR glitch? Probably first time making it. Will be looking to confirm this fact. 1:17.1 SGB has to mean some funny business, that can't be a L1 glitch.

#40 Carter Zilla completed his timesheet. Woo!

#42 Intel Core has been turboautism-posting about American presidents and presidential elects. This obsession is quite relatable and we had a nice talk about it not too long ago. He also did play the game and stole Owen Smith's RR flap WR. Got rWS flap too. Also finally got ww tops on GV2, the most dead category in the game. Watching his PR history is so funny, it's either ww tops (glitch) or ranked 200+ (no glitch) with him. Perhaps it's time to diversify.

#43 Carter Clem played some cheeky MG glitch, getting a 42.0 and a nice 10.4 flap. Looking like they're his first PRs since 2022, welcome back mate!

#48 Hunter Wells got a 1:42.5 on rMR a week after last news. I'm sure you can get a .4 for the next one.

#50 Jacob Fitzgibbon will be issued a DANGER WARNING. Do not take top 50 for granted. You may find yourself in the pit of despair soon. Just look at those names down there. Do you really want to be lumped in with people like JMM? Ultra Pear? For god's sake, Arthur is down there, idk how he even sets PRs because he doesn't have time for news updates! You need to start getting times other than a 55.1 on MC to avoid this harsh potential reality.

Gold

#58 Nate Schultz got a 3 shroom flap on MC glitch yes!

It's a party at #60 JMM435's house. Bro set a Daisy Circuit flap 2 days after the news update and has now got a mention. CAN YOU STOP MAKING ME HAVE TO MENTION YOU, THERE ARE 232 ACTIVE PLAYERS AND YOU'RE MAKING ME WASTE TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID DC FLAP

#61 Ultra_Pear seems to not be playing any MKW now that Trump is president. Truly disappointing, you should represent your country now more than ever. Big Don would be so disappointed to see your 59.786 on rYF.

#65 Charlie Gillet got a RR glitch run. 53.2 GV2 ng is also quite nice.

#70 2ndmatt uhhhh rDS flap WR? I completely missed this, wtf nice. And a Karhuma bop on LC flap, you're a better man than me for this. First time in the top 100. Seems like there's still some cleanup to do to get to a spot that matches your skill level!

#77 Owen Smith made RR glitch 3/3. That's all I gotta say, roll the Rerim short.

#78 Filler got 4th WW on MH 3 days after the last news update. This is getting ridiculous now guys. Stop this nonsense.

#79 Boshi at least set some runs in November, but after that he's just been hanging out at his skatepark. 53.0 on GV2 isn't bad though. I would know, I have that time too. And I'm the 3rd best player in the world.

#84 Daelyn has cut 105 positions since the last news update. Wow. He also made rWS glitch, leaving him with 28 brain cells after that grind. That's more than me for sure.

#85 StarBoi has also cut some nice AF, but not as much as Daelyn. Just enough to bop the world's biggest GAMT fan, #86 Alberto Barba. One of the highlight times was a 2:06.7 on DKM. Nice time and even nicer BGM.

#87 ArthurOww got a 1:21 on MC. He did not, however get a 2:29 on RR. He also did not help with this news update. Please help me I can't write news I'm busy ~~playing fifa~~ working hard every day so I can support my ~~crack addiction~~ family

#88 Watcha seems to be back after a 2-year hiatus, barely missing out on the 1:47 on DKS. Feels bad man.

#89 Acquiesce achieved a time of 1 minute, 34 seconds and 483 milliseconds on the track known as Nintendo Double Screen Desert Hills, using the vehicle commonly referred to as "Spear", also going by the name "Torpedo" in the Phase Alternating Line (commonly referred to as "PAL"), versions of the game. Rather splendid accomplishment, let's see if he acquiesces to Sosis holding on to the World Record.

#91 Dwt89_ got a 8 flap on MC and used TOBU MUSIC OMG!!!!! He's the kind of player that would get a lot of mentions if the news updates were actually monthly but because there are so many players, I'm just going to say congratulations on cutting 100+ AF and 78 spots oh my goodness oh my damn

#97 Cederic hasn't really been playing too much recently. He did get a 43.1 on BCWii flap a few days ago though. Maybe he's back.

Speaking of BCWii glitch, #99 Nota. is quite cracked on it. He's very close to 2:09, or maybe he already got it but hasn't submitted. Wouldn't put it past him, he strikes me as a true mogimain, not a TT goblin.

Bronze

#101 NITROFOX one MC glitch flap. Are you serious. Now you're out of the top 100, how do you feel? Bet you feel pretty stupid, huh?

#103 Kasper also fell out of the top 100. He seems to be on a non-bowser bike no glitch grind. Enjoy and/or suffer plenty, dear sir.

#109 Hedwig completed his timesheet. He's real #1 Finnish player, he's on a generational streak and I'm just not able to compete.

#115 James Collins set a couple times around new years and dipped again. Seemed to be some routine PRs.

#116 Pabloski got a 2:31 on rBC but chose to not have BGM in this video. If you were a spice, you would be flour. Use some epic Catalan tunes next time, please.

#119 Marvin completed his timesheet. Cue the top 10 times!

#120 Supreme got a 1:21.313 on MC woah AND NO BGM EITHER, VERY DISAPPOINTED

#132 Fraterz has apparently improved nearly all of his times. Colour me impressed.

#134 Kitty has also apparently improved nearly all of his times. Colour me impressed once again.

#148 Ben Hurley oh god he's back and he's setting his classic 200+ ranked times again. Tons of PRs and still lost 4 spots. Hold on he's in call let me ask him for a comment about how his past 6 months have been. He describes his recent developments as "underwhelming but expected". This is coincidentally what women say to me in bed. Just kidding, they usually say "get out of my bed"

#154 Tim van Ham woah Tim setting PRs for the first time since 2013??? Tim got himself a 1:43 on rMR (don't tell me you're still using the ramp strat) as well as a 2:04.2 on BC3 and a 53.7 on GV2 ng. Love to see old faces making comebacks, nice to see you around man!

#161 Alex Croteau completed his timesheet.

#162 Dylan Lepeirtz has set one run that was worthy of a video. It is a 1:18.8 on MC3. Will it have BGM? It does not. No description either. Bot behaviour.

#165 Noah Dalentoft completed his timesheet. GL on the rPG 1:59 grind bro

#166 Ian Beler also got a 1:18.8 on MC3, just like Dylan. What are the odds!

#174 Teovoni59 oh wow 33.2 on WGM god damn aaaaand everything else ranked 100+ (ummm akshually dkjp flap is #83 and MG flap is #93 yeah keep yapping bro)

#176 ElecTrick I was very excited to see links and check if there's BGMs but it was only [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024.

#179 Prolix completed his timesheet.

#180 Silicosis Silicone Sosis is once again on the charts, getting himself a ton of new PRs including a rWS ng flap that even made the top 100!

#181 Thomas Ullrich continued his comeback and beat his old GV g 3lap and RR ng times. He also got 3/3 on rSL glitch. Crazy to see super OG players return and actually be at the top level still. Sometimes you're just a generational talent waiting for your moment.

#185 Falco requested me to "pls write the fucking news update". Your wish has been granted, but if you're going to be like that, I'm not going to mention any of your times here. You're going on timeout, little buddy, I'll tell you when you're ready to come out.

#187 Hockeylord900 omg a 2:16 on RR glitch, what on earth happened, that's worse than Hydr8ion

#190 Mystic completed his timesheet.

#195 Spencer Sassak oh wow a 2:10.6 on BCWii glitch and omg there's a video and omg it has BGM but it's some random video game music but there is another video on RR and it's more video game music. I mean I'll take it but I did wanna hear some imagine dragons at this point of the news update im not gonna lie

#197 Kenny M oh wow Kenny improved on TF? Go on dude

#198 Will Fury set 3 times, 2 of them even cracking the top 500. Magnificent.

#199 Brian Lai only played WGM. Thankfully he's quite good at WGM. 1:50.6 is very sweet

Iron

#205 Ben Brophy oh a 2:18.3 MT is actually pretty cool to see in the iron tier. Nice!

#217 Entropy completed his timesheet.

#221 Troy Howard OMG THERE IS NO WAY RHODECHILL PLAYED NOPE IT'S JUST THE STATS PROGRAM FUCKING WITH ME. However I will use this opportunity to release my messages I sent to Rhodechill on Facebook when I was very new to alcohol and couldn't really handle it:

07/07/2018, 01:33
I love you rogodw chill
Joyure grea r
Awesine
Good luck d night frodechil
:thumbsup:

#225 Shawn Berry oh the excitement, time to see fast times! 52.845 GV2 ng is indeed fast

#226 James Muraski got 3rd WW on MG ng with shooting star. He has found his way onto the top. 3.1 GV flap aswell, oh mate I can just imagine the dopamine rush

#231 Sam Fairless barely missed out on the 8 flap on MC. Feelsbadman

#235 Blake GOT DKSC WR HOLY MOLY!!! Also he was in a really great youtube video about MKWii that I just can't find now where he told a story about his dad teaching him how to drive and I was laughing my lungs out at it, I really gotta find that video again (EDIT: it's this video, thanks you VNix)

#236 Ivan Andreopoulos has been busy blowing RR bowser bike wide fucking open with the path switch. He's got a 2:25.4 and apparently 2:24 isn't that far away from being realistic. That's just like, beyond crazy, definitely top 3 craziest developments within the last 6 months

#244 Jeroen Schepers is once again farming news update mentions with a 10.1 MC glitch flap. He also set the time on my birthday just to make me spend time realizing and writing it out on this here news update. What a next level timewasting troll. And of course there's a video. Does it have BGM? No it doesn't. Great, even more time wasted. I hope you're happy.

#253 Skylar Waffle oh ok cheeky 31.5 on MG glitch oh and he uses real music in the video that's so refreshing, you've earned yourself a subscriber. Oh wait you're the guy who made the MKW KSI parody. You're blocked.

#254 Zyxis there's not that much interesting stuff here, but at least he holds North Macedonian record on every category

#256 Joe Beaton improved on rWS after so much grinding and the BGM is the most Joe Beaton BGM I've ever hear. He has also been experimenting with DDR 2 shroom ultra, and it seems to be quite a lot faster. Because that track is totally not stupid enough as it is. DDR at the top level is going to become the new rDS.

#258 Ethan Laing got a 2:18.5 on BC3. That's it.

#259 Luca R got a 2:18 on KC but he lost to me by 3 frames. Ha ha!

#267 Tristan Kelley is not playing any TTs because he's too busy uploading videos about discord kittens. TF 1:50 soon.

#274 Charlie Brennan [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024 gets me again. GGs

#284 Ncsr. made it onto the top 300. Nice!!

#301 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson 2:18.6 MT is quite nice. Not nice enough to stay on the top 300 tho.

#306 Thomas Placella once again got his mention, this time with a 21.8 LC flap. Not bad.

#319 .VNix the unique dot at the start of the name having ass has ditched karts. Now all times are set with outside drift. MC glitch 1:09.009 with shooting star is quite crackhead but I can't hate on it

#320 Emil Lönquist played the most random ass flaps to get a mention. This was a joke at the start but I'm actually starting to think people are mention farming, what is this!

#332 Liam David completed his timesheet.

#338 Brick completed his timesheet.

#341 Hollend78 has gone hardcore and is uploading his runs without game music. Truly taking it to the next level in causing my dumb ass to be bored after writing a news update for 4 hours in a row. When you start to see 1000+ ranked times you know there will be very little to say. This guy likes MK8 and he's French. Truly the worst combo.

#346 Pablo Hernangómez is always here because the ó in his name does not compute and I need to edit it manually. Way to lodge yourself into my brain. But I still always forget that this dude is actually kind of a beast, He's out here in the mid 300s hitting 53.1 on GV2 ng and 52.2 on glitch. See you next news update.

#352 Leila FalB Massanova is another one of the overlords. Her times do not impress me as much as Nara's. We couldn't do it without you though, but you will be also be set as reviewer when I submit my 10000 line pull request where I rewrite the entire backend in Scratch

#365 Austin Mills completed his timesheet.

#375 Jack White completed his timesheet.

#393 Sergio completed his timesheet.

#396 ChromaQ's chadsoft profile has 3 miis. One called Pyoder (Peter Griffin mii), Player mii and a mii called Waltuh. I assume that's Mike Ehrmanntraut, however I'm not able to confirm this. Do let me know!

#397 Dudu. is out here uploading great PR vids with BGMs on his youtube channel. Repping all the spear tracks and getting a 59.4 on rYF. You love to see it. Unfortunately, 7-1.

#403 Fawwe completed his timesheet.

#432 Gus.. point and laugh, it's the 2 dot guy. I think we should implement the 5 character limit on the new site also. Oh great and he's set a MG PR 3 days after my last news update. Once again, it's not a meme anymore.

#434 Chansey was setting times in the top 600 last year but this year it's been 700+ asll the way. Unimpressed.

#460 Ilja. completed his timesheet.

#461 Dovo4 has improved all but 3 of his times. That will bank you a -95 AF. Nice.

#462 Calum Sutherland I was so hyped when I saw .999 on LC but it's 1:10.999. God damn it.

#469 Joshua Patterson is uploading his PRs with a glorious easycap-esque capture card. Takes me back. Nearly 120 AF cut aswell. Takes me back. He's about to bop #468 Benito, the legend who bet his dad a whopping $1 on who would win the world cup and tried to submit his times to the Spanish tops even though he isn't Spanish and said he didn't know you needed to be Spanish to be on Spanish tops.

#482 Jack Guice has made it on to the top 500. Never let go Jack

#485 Albert999999 I once wrote an English essay in high school where I wrote this character called Albert who was supposed to be kind of my own humorous self-critique of myself in 10 years and I wrote myself as a massive shut-in who would not talk to anyone. It's 1.30AM and I'm writing a news update so I can't say I was too far off. Yeah I realize this has nothing to do with you but I'm sorry man idk what to say about your 1:01.1 on rYF

#490 Cade Johnson completed his timesheet.

#500 YT_Valentin 1:01.9 on rYF. That's not as good as Albert.

#512 Ridley Cooper was our biggest AF cut of the news update (except Charlie Gillet who apparently cut 230+ AF even though he set like 5 PRs, I call cap mr news update.) Ridley actually only improved around 2/3 of his times, but it was enough for a phat .185 and #632 -> #512. Keep this up and you'll be #1 in no time.

#514 Vincent Kwiecien 1:01.8 on rYF. Beats the hell out of Valentin. However you only set 3 PRs and fell out of the top 500. Oh dear!

#527 NE MKPatsfan Oh my god it's HIM. Patsfan the kinda guy to set a 2025 goal to not get covid after already having covid. Patsfan the kinda guy to not know how to make a discord again. Patsfan the kinda guy to be the only one posting on a dead forum instead. Patsfan the kinda guy to discard his nationality after Big Don's win. Patsfan the kinda guy to set a 1:56.4 on TF and submitting a 4 hour vod as the video for the run. I'm sure it's not cheated. Karhuma would still cheat a 1:56.4 on TF tho.

#544 ZenGR_ completed his timesheet. Also messed up the formatting, since his name actually has a double underscore instead of a single underscore at the end, and that causes text to be underlined. What a troll.

#545 Fiorderik completed his timesheet.

#577 Satkins completed his timesheet.

#589 Jorim Laanstra completed his timesheet.

#596 Diana M has a 1:01.9 on rYF, but a better .9 than Valentin.

#606 Charles Schrader has a 1:02.5 on rYF. Ouch, we have a new last place.

#610 Patrick Broich ok I was gonna make another rYF comment but ohhh this is TGC Bobo who last submitted in 2009, dude is a true veteran at 43 years old and his youtube channel is a glorious mix of 13 year old MKW and rave videos. Welcome back man, your vibe is very unique

#611 Mattinatorr has a 1:01.9 on rYF, slotting in between Diana and Valentin. This is exciting.

#615 Adam Roberts oh no, 1:03.3 on rYF. This might be tight

#624 Trenton Steinburg has one link on his timesheet, being a SGB ng 1:24.7 from 3 months ago. There is one comment in the video, simply stating: "Do SC." I know you can do it, Trenton. OK, I actually lied, there's also a link to his WGM run of 1:57.2. James M has commented "Cleannn" on that video. James M is much nicer to newcomers than I am.

#632 LEMONADE completed his timesheet.

#634 Gianni Barletta completed his timesheet.

#637 Mats Frium completed his timesheet.

#645 Borat does not discriminate. He plays every Mario Kart, even the bad ones and points his webcam at every screen he possibly can

#673 Sam29 completed his timesheet.

#700 Kyvee is Irish. However [MKW] Unrecorded Irish Tops - December 2024 does not appear here. I wonder why. Maybe because he has a 1:03.8 on rYF, making him new last place in our competition.

#703 RO881E completed his timesheet.

#740 Chase Whiting completed his timesheet.

#745 John McArdle Has improved every time since the last news update, except his rWS 2:10.0. I suppose that one is too strong. Also his rYF is at 1:07.1. Kyvee has been bailed out.

#755 Justin JJ Morris is a name that I would give to a comically American character, Howdy boys my name is Justin JJ Morris. He has a 1:05.4 on rYF and is quite safe.

#763 Herold completed his timesheet despite the scary parts of every track. However his rYF time is a 1:11.1. This does beat his old time of 7:02.3 by a considerable amount, though, due to his revolutionary new strategies of starting in second gear.

#767 Sergio Lillo completed his timesheet.

Honorary Grandmaster

#799 Shatterdpixel is back after a 4+ year hiatus. Welcome back! You have reached Honorary Grandmaster status, however your rYF is currently at 1:12.8 and you have lost our little competition. And I just lost the game. You also just lost the game.

Site Records:

Flambambam beat the old Mushroom Gorge no glitch crs time of 1'40"580 with a time of: 1'37"467
Flambambam beat the old Mushroom Gorge no glitch lap time of 0'31"087 with a time of: 0'30"592
Jack Gluesing beat the old Toad's Factory no glitch lap time of 0'34'806 with a time of: 0'34'763
Keita beat the old Mario Circuit crs time of 0'46"553 with a time of: 0'45"136
Mitchell Healy beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"798 with a time of: 0'08"728
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old Coconut Mall no glitch crs time of 1"55'264 with a time of: 1"55'250
Blake beat the old DK's Snowboard Cross crs time of 1'44"599 with a time of: 1'44"497
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 1'51"289 with a time of: 1'50"997
Owen Smith beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 1'24"382 with a time of: 0'57"688
Intel Core beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"675 with a time of: 0'13"941
Danny Boy beat the old GCN Peach Beach no glitch lap time of 0'22"360 with a time of: 0'22"355
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Sherbet Land crs time of 0'56"862 with a time of: 0'55"609
2ndmatt beat the old DS Delfino Square lap time of 0'38"737 with a time of: 0'38"707
Intel Core beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium lap time of 0'21"346 with a time of: 0'21"224
Falco beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium no glitch crs time of 1'48"334 with a time of: 1'48"005
Falco beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium no glitch lap time of 0'34"981 with a time of: 0'34"975
117james beat the old DS Desert Hills lap time of 0'27"154 with a time of: 0'22"960
Luke Brown beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 no glitch crs time of 2'16"183 with a time of: 2'16"124
Ash Lovett beat the old DS Peach Gardens no glitch lap time of 0"38'189 with a time of: 0"38'177
117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'17"997 with a time of: 2'15"291
117james beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'29"752 with a time of: 0'28"373

Alright mates, it's been fun. It's 2:17AM and I set my limit of news update time to 3AM, so I suppose it was a resounding success. I hope it was enjoyable and it will inspire you to reach your goals and keep the game alive. Or at least to set that one time so you get a mention in the next news update. Whatever floats your boat. Thanks for reading!

Remember that you're a star, a big bright shining star. Love y'all

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Arvo

Jacob Loerzel is a sign clip specialist. You actually thought I would forget to say it? Dream on!!

It was in the reign of Charles III that the below-named personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now

Arvo @ Tuesday, September 17th 01:19PM [link]

Months pass, turn into years, life changes, flowers bloom and wither away, but the news updates never end. Yet again I've been called out of cryosleep to capture the profound leaps the community has made since the last news update.

Most profound leap has to be rSL 3/3 actually becoming a thing incredibly fast, everyone called Korben a stupid retard for thinking it would ever happen, now people can only call him a stupid retard on account of being stupid and retarded. Fair is fair, at least you were right in the end. Logan started off with a 1:00.116 run where he lost like 1.5 seconds because he went so far back after the respawn lap 3, truly an artistic move from him. However the real MVP here has to be Zoren, who got the first ever 3/3 landback run, as well as his first ever WR, which has been so long overdue. Honorable mention goes to Ace Beaton for getting 3/3, making his mark as probably one of the most insane character developments ever seen in this community with an top 3 WW glitch run at the time it was set.

Sosis once again improved his rSL no glitch record this time finally getting the big 2:03.5. Man is not playing around, his driving has been referred to as "Magic on Ice".

Luke beat Logan on KC after nearly 500 days, the old guard is fighting back against the zoomer king

Connor beat Barney on GV no-glitch with a 1:50.8, after which Barney simply sent a 4 second video of him turning his wii on in the private TT server. +1000 aura

Firestone decided to join me in waking up from cryosleep, getting the first ever 8.7 lap on MC glitch flap, as well as beating Liams 302930245 day flap WR on rDH no glitch. He also thought it was stupid that the ending rail strat was considered shortcut, and the people agreed. This lead to him getting another WR, which was beat by yours truly (I am very skilled I know), and then my brilliant and beautiful WR was crushed by .001 by Firestone again. Humanity is overrated.

Firestone also wrote a great base for the new no glitch rules document, which should help avoid some confusion on those (or just increase it, who knows)

Another cryosleep awaker this month was KingAlex, once gain beating the rPG flap WR with the stupid treeclip by a couple of milliseconds as an eternal reminder of the pain the PP time updaters have to go through reminding Joey2009 submitting his rPG 2:09.232 that "rPG actually has a glitch :nerd-emoji:, please mark it as no-glitch"

One of the most overlooked and crazy things that has happened for like actual years, the German Ice (yes, the guy who has a 19.5 GV on nanobike from like 2011) came back and just randomly dropped a new GV glitch flap WR. Bro really has 2 vids on his channel: a RR flap PR from 13 years ago and a 2.774 GV flap from 3 weeks ago, simply with a description that says "I'm back." THIS IS LIKE THE COLDEST COMEBACK IN MKW HISTORY AND IVE SEEN LIKE NOBODY TALK ABOUT IT

We have No-SC (red chart) champion history on the player's page now! Thank you Thomas van Deerse, Paul (Filler) and of course our lizard overlord Alex Penev for making it all happen. Love yall

TRACK OF THE MONTH: After all things said and done it's still undeniably N64 Sherbet Land.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Is there a shortcut to avoid the scary part of bowsers castle?” - Herold, August 22th, 2024

GOBBLEDYGOOK QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I noticed that there are multiple ways someone could use a resource that people could use that aren't mentioned for some reason. Out of these, which one is the best one?” - NE MKPatsfan, September 12th, 2024

ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” - George W. Bush, January 27, 2000

BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!” - Jeremiah 20:14

This news update covers from July 27 2024 to September 17 2024

New Players:

DeadManWalks (Welcome Jesus Christ to the Player's Page)
Patrick Pelosi (I heard his family are into insider investing)
Lewis (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-ng62_99VQ&t=39s)
Zaky Ina-Batlle (This is like the fakest fake name ever)
Rockedoe (Rock Dude secret alt)
Toadeight (Not to be confused with the first seven toads)
RoberticoXD (XD in the nickname is a sigma move in 2024)
Beanzard64 (After Caleb quit we need one top-level good Christian boy in the community, thank you for restoring our balance)
Kyvee (representing Ireland with some very strong times)
João S. (the special a broke and I had to fix it once again for the news update)
Ivan Andreopoulos (I thought the RR bowser bike specialists were an extinct breed)
Aidan Greenley (Now that's a proper name)
AfroGraggy (That's not a proper name)
Raul Sanchez Alonso (bienvenido)
Bowser_boi (bro thinks he's edgy for naming himself after the villain)
Grace Duggan (token female of this news update)
Sylent (1 letter away from soylent, Grace already brought enough feminine energy to this news update thank you very much)

People who are above Rhodechill

#1 Logan Stkrdknmibalz got the rSL stuff but also to counterbalance the brainrot also played CM ng and ended up getting 2nd WW there. 2ez

#2 Justin Hitchcock got a sleeper 3/3 rSL and probably paused in the run about 200 times. Good try, cheater!

#3 Arvo Koskikallio I got myself a nice 1:19 on rSL glitch which I really wanna beat but no glitch called my name and I also got run on GV ng, WGM and DKS. Currently going for 1:47 on DKS. Also snatched that rDH flap WR for a little while, haven't had one of those for a long while

#4 Mitchell Healy played SKM and a bunch of random flaps, then hopped on DDR to get a low 1:48 and is currently going for 32 on CM glitch I believe. Just vibin as always

#7 Vincent Nguyen had himself a quick little rSL grind before going back to school, getting a 1:18.5. Glad to see that hitting the books is taking priority over hitting the racetrack, you are an inspiration to all the degens out there

#8 David Morton is one of those degens. He horrendously bottled a meetup in Finland and then bottled playing rSL for anything better than a measly 1:24. Is there anything this man does not bottle?

#10 Bynt. fucking skipped 2:26 on RR and went straight from 2:27 to a 2:25.9. Who the FUCK does that. He also got 1:17 on MC3, and is continuing to prove to be one of the best players currently out there. Although he still cannot get 2:17 on KC. SAD!

#11 Danny Boy (Zoomer Danny) has been consistently rising on the charts and is getting very close to the top 10, hope to see that soon! Man he was on fire, he got a 1:18.5 on rSL, however slightly faster than Vincent N. But I gotta say, what the fuck is this loud ass BGM on this video. His MC no glitch 10th WW time was very sick to see after all this time, however the BGM is once again very bad. At least he finally redeemed himself with his excellent BGM for his CM glitch 3rd WW time, definitely being the crown jewel of this month for him. However, to quote Danny, that category "makes me wanna start an alcohol addiction". Being now 2 months sober myself, I would not recommend this, I would instead recommend NOT PLAYING STUPID IDIOTIC CATEGORIES!!!!

#16 Danny Gallenberger (Boomer Danny) did what he does best, hopping on the new glitch strat bandwagon and getting himself a supremely impressive 1:17.998 and clutching that sub. I like to think the game honoured his legacy and gave him the sub as a token of respect, Danny himself said that this run "could very well be the last cool thing I ever do [in MKW]". However I do doubt this a bit, Danny is living proof that the phrase "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" is just categorically false.

#17 MKRFirestone talking about old dogs, Firestone has been dropping so many bombs recently with his MC glitch and rDH no glitch flap WRs, but he did also get a 2/3 on rSL (even if he did slow down at the end like a foolish joker! Do you not wish to go fast?) He is also cooking something up on rDH glitch flap it seems, and he also got a 1:35.306 on rDH no glitch! I would wager that there's still quite a bit more left in the tank here.

#18 Dane Allen makes it look easy with his 1:47 on DDR, 1:33 on rDH glitch, 1:49.8 on TF and 1:56.303 on CM. His mindset towards TTs is captured wonderfully by this conversation from the private TT server:

Will 14/08/2024 05:25
yooo what a time bro
go get tops

Thunder 14/08/2024 05:40
it's 9th na

Will 14/08/2024 05:40
i meant ww

Thunder 14/08/2024 05:40
guess you think I'm going to play a track for more than a day

Will 14/08/2024 06:05
What's stopping you

Thunder 14/08/2024 06:09
instant gratification and lack of patience

absolute brainrot!! At least it seems that you haven't played lounge in about a month, so I am hopeful that he is taking care of himself.

#21 Jyran Liebs literally just got sub 2 on BC3 SC to clutch out the news update mention. Unfortunately he is still failing on GV glitch to retake the WR from Niyake. Cmon at this point Niyake will probably be so old that he won't be able to get it back, get on it bro!

#22 Kevin Miller has like an exhausting amount of new times, I will choose some highlights: uhhhh well he got 3rd ww on rDH flap... idk these are like all really cool times but there are like 30 of them that I'm just gonna have to say that he bopped sosis

#23 Jay Rangthale got bopped by big Kev Miller. You see, when you only improve your own WR, you do not cut any AF. You should take notes here. OK to be fair he did apparently get a 1:48 on DKS, but it did not help him in defending his prized #22 spot against Kevin.

#24 Joeblase made his way into the top 25 this month by hopping on RR glitch, remarking that he "made phantom glitch in 30 minutes, lmao, wtf". Everyone who has struggled on RR for days upon days, please raise a collective middle finger to Joe. He did also play some real category with a rather swanky 1:43.252 on MH, proving that he can also get chains on top of being able to do glitches.

#27 Ryley Carroll was able to get his 2/3 on rSL with a 1:28. Aaron W did not believe he would be able to do this, but he once again proved the opposition wrong. I am going to go one further and say that he may also be able to one day get a run on RR glitch that does not fall off after making the glitch. Aaron W might disagree.

#28 Luke Brown got WR on KC and 2nd WW on MC3 flap. He also (FUCKING FINALLY) improved his stupid 1:06 on WGM glitch to a 37.6 a month ago which I had to update during the writing of this news update. This cut him literally like 300 positions and went from #35 to #28. The deed is done. Next up: SOMETHING BETTER THAN a 23.6 ON GV, OR ANY MC GLITCH TIME - YOU ALREADY HAVE A FLAP ON THAT

#29 Jake Harrison oh would you look at that, another rSL 2/3!!! a 1:25! Wow, how original Jake!

#31 Phyz Phyz decided to anonymize his username, however he has decided to keep his fake email (@lmfao.com) on his profile which still has his real name. Interesting. Phyz had a quick gaming stint, getting a 2:18 on KC, as well as a 3rd WW flap time. He also hopped on MC3 flap to get that sub 24, love to see a man here who does not skip flap day.

#32 Exploder is a dirty Norwegian oil tycoon who is on twitch 24/7 because of his annual multi-million oil trade deal with Jeff Bezos. He beat my Nordic record on rSL. I must stop listing his accomplishments because of the overwhelming urge to invade northern Norway because ~~of oil~~ those lands are rightfully Sámi, and therefore Fenno-Ugric, and the Norwegian government is mistreating our brothers and sisters.

#36 Nara Hiero got himself a rDH 3/3 time, albeit a Ross C/TWD98-esque 1:33.8. Many other great times including a rSL 2/3, but he only cut 1 spot on the charts due to a bit of a gap at the low 70-high 60 range. He's getting closer to the jungle of high 50 AFs though, the top 25 is closer than it seems.

#38 Cqrt3r only improved his MC3 to a 1:18.457. He didn't skip flap day, although leaving the flap as a 24.014 is a bit questionable, the sub is so close man!

#45 Intel Core, the only man who has made so many glitches that his bottleneck for total time is his no glitch times once again cleaned up the no glitch times. However, his MH is still a 1:45.5. Aaaaand he's back to his old ways and he's playing MC glitch and got 5th WW. I made this meme for him.

#46 Hunter Wells started off by getting a low 1:19 on rSL but recently hopped on some no glitch, getting 2:00 on rPG, 1:31 on rMC and a 2:05.3 on rDS. Also 39.000 on rDS flap, lol!

#47 JAYOO fucking hates the new rSL glitch and says it's his least favourite glitch. What is wrong with him. He got a 1:20.9 on it. He also got a 49 on MC glitch on the same day that the new lap 1 strat was found out (he did not use this strat.) And the BGM that he used for that is called: "Aborting the Sloughing Seance: Frantic Body Disposal Ankle-Deep in the Accumulative Filth of Seven Semi-Liquified Corpses I" from the hit album "Exquisite Macerated Tissue Slippage and Full-Body Degloving Under Extreme Circumstances of Accelerated Putrefaction". Therapy is always an option, mi amico Lombardo.

#50 Jacob Loerzel has made it into the top 50!! Ultra_Pear could never. He also got a rSL 2/3 (getting tired of saying this over and over and over again) and some rDS flap. Good job Invincible! And don't think I wouldn't mention your sign clip prowess in this news update aswell, you still have the BKT on it!

#58 JMM435 got a 2/3 on rSL (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz) although it beats me so I can't really hate on it. Also a bunch of no glitch times, getting him closer to top 50.

#59 Nate Schultz 1:29 rSL, which is a large shame considering his absolutely legendary 1:42.0 2/3 run is no longer his PR. Big sad. Rest of the times he set are very NPC level.

#63 Ultra_Pear ahhh finally someone who didn't play rSL... NVM it's just ultra pear who just isn't able to get one. In fact, he didn't even PR at all since the last news update, but I thought roasting him was so funny that I don't wanna remove it now. Tough!

#66 Alex Shoal got the rPG flap WR, it's so funny to me that KingAlex after all these years has strats in this game that literally only he ever plays. Man's gonna be 107 years old sitting in a retirement home grinding out his rPG tree clip flap while Carter's grandson is trying to optimize the no-sc WR a tiny bit more because KingAlex came back 7 years after Carter's death to destroy the family legacy once again

#74 Filler came back after all this time to become a major league shitposter, but also prove to everyone that he isn't washed. He achieved 2nd Circumnavigational on rSL with a 2:03.8. Also like, uhh, a lot of other stuff. MH 1:43.1, KC 2:18.6, rWS 1:49.5+2nd ww flap. He also did a bunch of research with Thomas van Deerse to make the red chart champs page happen, arigato Paul-san

#78 Owen Smith is the MAN OF THE HOUR. He pulled through on another one of his odyssean grinds, with a RR 2/3 glitch run. Bro really went from having to quit his 58 grind because his parents didn't let him play MKW to getting 2/3 on RR, screaming his fucking lungs out and having his GF run into the room and congratulate him on the run. Man is living the degen speedrunner dream and I couldn't be happier for him. He has already set his sights for CM fast entry as his next grind, which should hopefully not be as carcinogenic as the RR 2/3 one.

#82 ArthurOww got a 1:22.202 on MC which makes it into the top 100 on that track, amongst other times that may or may not make the top 100

#84 Acquiesce oh man is that a rSL 1/3 I see???? Haven't seen one of those for years am I right??? Ok yeah he also got a 1:29.4 DC + flap of course, as well as a random rPG flap!

#92 StarBoi got a 38.6 DKM glitch flap nice nice, also 2:00.2 BC3, you love to see PRs on that infernal category

#95 NITROFOX is our latest addition to the top 100, knocking out Nota! We are getting quite close to some legends getting knocked off the top 100, JimmyB and Swiss Alvin are hanging on by a thread, and we already lost Kezer. Surprise comeback to hold onto the top 100 spot anyone? Anyway NitroBozo got a boomerific 1/3 on rSL, as well as one of the most disgusting chokes of all time with a 1:22.001 on MC ng with a 25.1 lap 1 followed by 2 28.4 laps. He must feel that God himself wants to smite him, however he decided to put it much simpler than me, simply stating: "Not sigma"

#96 Cederic improved on RR ng and MC g flap. He also got a time of 1:39.3 on rSL, and I genuinely cannot tell if that is 1/3 or 2/3. OK it's 2/3. God help us all.

#103 Chloie it's another 1/3 on rSL, it seems to be the big hit around the #100 mark here. MF ACTUALLY GOT A FUCKING 1:43.001 rMR 3LAP AND A 32.000 FLAP, I AM DONE.

#113 James Collins was so nice when asking for a news update that he inspired me to actually write one. I wouldn't be here writing this if it wasn't for his message, but after like 4 hours of writing my opinion on James is starting to sour a bit... Okok let's see here: MC3 1:18.825 with loads of potential for more, some classic shroomstrat nonsense on rBC and the eventual return to 1-1-1, been there. Alvin van Asselt bop for James this month, making moves.

#115 Supreme got a 1/3 rSL, simply stating: "lol". Guessing it's not the proudest run for him. On BC3 he got a 44.6 flap, stating: "cba to crop enjoy". Something's telling me that this guy doesn't have the highest energy levels.

#123 Carlo got PBs on rMC and rBC sc nice

#125 Mystogan was busy uploading that video of every 200cc flap WR that I regret to say that I watched all the way from start to finish at work while brainrotting, don't tell my boss. He also played some 150cc, cutting over 10 AF and 9 spots.

#166 Andrew Grieve the absolute legend got a 1:49.5, how did I not hear about this? Hell yeah brother

#169 Dwt89_ got a 1:18.2 on rSL, a rare 2/3 this low down on the charts. Clearly an indication of potential. Is that a first 1:09 on LC I see? AND rYF sub 1? Practically an initiation month for our young lad here, you are now a real degenerate, welcome aboard.

#172 Falco finally got his 3rd WW on rWS, making Yang's "beat Falco on every track" grind a rather funny meme.

#177 ElecTrick got a ton on runs but the one he decided was good enough to upload was a 2:19.880 on MT. Daelyn apparently chugged a pint in commemoration of that run. This is Irish MKW culture right here.

#181 Anonymous again just like last time, won't mention any of his times to protect his identity. Good job on avoiding the CIA this month also.

#182 Silicosis rSL 1/3 classic classic and like 20 times in August to get him into the top 200

#185 Kitty got 2 very simple times. 1:14.2 on rPB and 1:00.2 on rYF. Subs are rather close.

#186 Brian Lai got a funny 35.558 on WGM no glitch flap, beating my time by 1 ms, which I then proceeded to beat back by 1ms with a .557 before I got my .4 there. Mostly 3lap other than that it seems. Some nice times in there

#187 Thomas Ullrich didn't only set his legendary GV flap, but also sent in new times on LC and MMM on both 3lap and flap. This looks like the beginnings of a grand plan to overhaul his entire timesheet...

#189 Daelyn oooo is that a 1:09 LC I see very nice very nice and yes oh my it's a 2/3 on rSL! oh yeah this is the one with the legendary nightcore feel this moment BGM. Also 52.8 MC g 3/3 woodless, rPB 1:07 and 10th EU on RR glitch, this is like looking at my 2018 self living the glitch grind, refreshing to see

#193 Will Fury oh wtf another 2/3 on rSL uhhh and to contrast that a 2:02 on CM.

People who are below Rhodechill

#216 Darien Bawpers bro only bawp will hop onto a new rSL discovery and come out with a stupid ahh 2:00 time on it, well at least he's still the only person on earth who can do DKM shroomless glitch so his ego won't be hurt too much by me roasting him for being ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SLOW

#222 Hockeylord900 oh damn 59.4 rYF, love it

#225 Sam Fairless was on fire that one night we all played rSL glitch in call, and he ended up with a 1:22.3 on that. He also got a 1:33.5 on DKJP glitch, and then played like a few random flaps and shit

#232 Woomy got 59 on rYF hell yeah, LC 1:09+rYF 59 check, welcome to timetrialhood

#243 Joe Beaton got a 3/3 on rSL with a 1:09.4 and dropped a fucking banger of a video that made me laugh out loud, great to be able to have a laugh about stupid ass drama from years ago and look back on the simpler times with joy. He also got a big improvement on CM ng, skipping straight to a 1:55.4. Big popoffs this month for sure

#245 Zyxis bopped such legends of the game as Jared Black, Anis Taktak and my old 2014 clanmate and facebook friend Julian Stephens who I am eagerly waiting to come back to this game!

#258 Tristan Kelley continues his Sisyphean grind of beating Falco on every track, he's up to 16 now! He also has no more Intermediate times now (wow that's crazy I never thought he would be able to do that no way) His natural state right now seems to be grinding rYF and listening to podcasts, he's up to a 59.3 now but he choked Falco bop at the end

#265 Ivan Andreopoulos finished his timesheet, welcome welcome

#287 Mikey Mickey Mike Mikeson again who is this goofy ahh player, I see he got 2:18 on MT, nice nice, grats on the first top 100 time!

#300 Thomas Placella His other info field just says "Thomas Placella" and his proof status is Screenshot/Time scroll in the year of our lord 2024. Maybe weirdest profile on the PP? He also hasn't played in like 3 years and now drops a random 47.8 RR flap and nothing else? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I see that GV flap, this is Tubiek, welcome back to the land of the living my fellow GoldenEye community loving comrade

#302 Ncsr. 1:14.8 rPB and 33.0 MG flap. What is the reason for these 2 specific categories being the only ones you improve on this month?

#308 Skylar Waffle I've been watching breaking bad on the side while grinding DKS and man this guys name is exactly how I feel about Skyler, stop yapping to sigma Walter please.

#311 Charlie Brennan finished his timesheet, welcome Charlie

#315 Connor GB improved on DC and rSL ng.

#334 .VNix the absolute gigabozo submitted times and forgot to actually write down the times. I've seen people forget decimals all the time, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone actually forget to submit the actual fucking time, ggs. Again, all his times are with kart so I don't actually know anything, all I can say is that haha funny .069 on CM and 2:27.4 on RR is quite nice (although what kind of absolute drongo gets a 2:27.4 on RR and the thing they put in the description is "55th Kart as of upload date", that's so goofy)

#359 Pablo Hernangómez got a 1:18.3 on MC3 and a 1:53.6 on GV, well done pablito

#379 Hollend78 cut over 167 AF and like 135 positions, biggest AF cut by quite a lot this month

#394 ChromaQ MG glitch 14.169 flap. These news update farms are getting more and more desperate each time.

#406 Dudu. ok cool stuff such as 1:09 LC, 59.7 rYF, but it seems that recently rYF flap has been his life goal, getting down to a 18.486 there (which to be fair is pretty damn good), the Brazilians are finally finding MKW and bringing their culture of grinding weird stuff into the mix, bem-vindos todos os brasileiros! Bro there is an actual internet forum up for Brazilian and Portuguese top 10s that is still actively getting updated, complete with 15 year old facebook and twitter logos to share the site, not gonna lie I'm kinda tempted to move to Brazil at the moment

#423 Chansey set some times that showed a lack work ethic ('go fast' rather than 'do it right') which, in a Petersonian sense elevates sexual archetypes in the marketplace ('fastest monkey')

#431 Ben Yafe finished his timesheet!

#460 Calum Sutherland yeah we've officially set the part of the news update where I've been typing for over 5 hours and seeing times that are pretty similar to my PBs from 10 years ago when I didn't know what delay drifting meant, I'm sure you can do better than this!

#496 Vincent Kwiecien 1:33 MG glitch, 1:28 WGM glitch, 34 GV glitch, a collection of LukeGB ahh runs

#516 Charlotte Crego hey yo what's up it's me flanders with a 1:16 on rPB, the day is saved

#524 Russell Horwood a collection of exclusively flap times in the #500 range, lovely job, come back next month

#531 Dovo4 completed his timesheet, and did so nicely

#553 Joshua Patterson omg his rYF flap has a video and it's the only one on his timesheet, let's peek the vid, I see first hero time but Joshua is also a top 70 MKDD player, welcome to the zoomer MK!

#566 James Woods seems to be cancelled by Hollywood which is a true shame, he put up some incredibly performances back in the day in Videodrome and Once Upon A Time in America. Oh wait no wrong James Woods, this one got a 2:10 on rSL.

#578 NE MKPatsfan finished their timesheet with an MMM flap, idk if that has EVER been the last category missing on anyone's timesheet in history. Also bro aint nobody on the player's page forum anymore, if you actually want to talk to people get on the discord BOZO

#581 Diana M thank you for the bible quote. I think you could overtake James Woods soon.

#625 Zooms got a 2:21.8 on BC3 SC. Yeah, SC. I kinda wanna see this run

#628 Charles Schradergot a 1:58 on TF and a 1:22.8 on MC3. Fascinating. Only 6 people left, you can do it

#630 Borat again welcome to MKW mr. borat your times are-a very nice but it's all muddle to my brain, however I peeked your MKDD timesheet and you're kinda highkey a god gamer so there you go

#636 Phenom is not going to be a phenom in the MKW community with these times, I am calling it right now.

#660 Flora Novia 1:00 on CM glitch, this timesheet looks exactly like mine did in 2013 after just having watched Troy's Coconut mall Olympics vide, which was apparently uploaded on the 10 day anniversary of 9/11 and the supremely tragic day when the great Finnish national hero Kukko Pärssinen was brutally murdered by vicious huskies while defending his women, I will link a tribute to him here so his memory shall live on for a little bit longer. (literally what the fuck is this news update at this point, I have lost all ability to concentrate)

#678 Kyvee finished xir timesheet, nice

#735 Justin JJ Morris got the massive and monumental sub 2:09 on DKS. Congrats.

#757 John McArdle is getting close to bopping the legend #755 Jimmy. John got 22 PRs and actually cut AF, quite rare this low down.

Site Records:

MKRFirestone beat the old Mario Circuit lap time of 0'08"833 with a time of: 0'08"798
Luke Brown beat the old Koopa Cape no glitch crs time of 2'17"176 with a time of: 2'17"109
Thomas Ullrich beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"785 with a time of: 0'02"774
Logan Stkrdknmibalz beat the old N64 Sherbet Land crs time of 1'12"225 with a time of: 0'56"862
MKRFirestone beat the old N64 Sherbet Land no glitch crs time of 2'03"612 with a time of: 2'03"576
Jay Rangthale beat the old DS Desert Hills no glitch lap time of 0'29"317 with a time of: 0'29"233
Luke Brown beat the old SNES Mario Circuit 3 lap time of 0'23"863 with a time of: 0'23"787
Alex Shoal beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"108 with a time of: 0'38"093

Alright that's it. Enough news for while again. I don't know why I decided to write one again but I really felt like it today. Can't promise I will feel like that again, but we'll see. Keep grinding, keep studying, keep working, keep relaxing. Live life, before life lives you.

MEME OF THE MONTH:

- Arvo